Remnants of an anorexic past

Sometimes, I forget for a while I had an eating disorder.  It’s not for long, mind you, but it’s significant because I feel… well… normal.

Unfortunately, something always reminds me of my anorexic past.  And then the memories fly at me with such force it’s hard not to sit down.

That’s what happened to me tonight.

I walked into a room feeling very, very strong.  I’d had an excellent workout yesterday.  My body felt toned.  I held my head up high.  But then I saw something that ruined my night.

My reflection.

It was there, in a mirror. 

I saw myself. 

I cringed and looked away, my positivity gone. 

What I felt inside wasn’t what I saw on the outside.

I was ashamed, embarrassed.

Hopefully, as I get older and (maybe) wiser, I’ll have fewer Ana moments and more experiences of feeling like a “normal” woman.