“Romantic” Attachments Not Uncommon for Alzheimer’s Patients

As the story of John O’Connor’s friendship with a lady in his nursing home (described as “romantic” attachment by some) evolves in the news, more information about this type of relationship between Alzheimer’s patients is being publicized.  Not that anyone has tried to hide it.  It’s just sometimes difficult for some family members, particularly the spouse, to realize the person with Alzheimer’s has forgotten them.

Sometimes the Alzheimer’s patient is living in a world previous to the time they met their spouse.  So that person they form an attachment for may remind them of an earlier girl or boy friend or someone they wish they’d dated.  It they had been married before, they might think a person in the nursing home was their first spouse.

When they don’t see their current spouse regularly (or don’t know that they see them), they respond to kind words, holding hands, conversation (as much as Alzheimer’s patients can communicate), with someone they relate to in the nursing home.  This makes their stay there more comfortable, more friendly, and less lonely.

At one point my mom thought another man was my dad, who had passed away several years before.  She didn’t form an attachment.  However, when he did something she didn’t think proper or courteous, Mother would scold him, calling him by my dad’s name.

The nurses asked me if she knew anyone by that name.  When I said it was my dad, they explained what was happening.  In Mother’s case, that soon passed as she went into another phase of Alzheimer’s.

This is just another phase of the forgetting, memory loss or memory transfer that goes along with Alzheimer’s.  It’s something families have to realize, although it’s often difficult to be prepared for this.

We have to admire Sandra Day O’Connor for going public about this story and letting others know that it happens and that it’s okay.  Perhaps, though, ”romantic” relationship may be too vivid a word to describe most of these cases where one Alzheimer’s patient develops a close friendship with another.

(However, it does make a captivating news story when one uses “romantic attachment” or “romance” in the headlines!)