Sacrificing Yourself for the Alzheimer’s Patient

In his post, When a Caregiver Says Goodbye to Summer, at caregivingblog.com, the author tells how he and his family gave up their summer activities (and other activities for three years) because his mother, who had dementia and lived with them, couldn’t join them.  Then he reflects whether it was the right thing to do as he and his family took less and less time for themselves. 

Our friends and family understood that we needed to get away, but they didn’t seem to understand Gram’s sad resentment at the thought of being left behind. With the power of hindsight, however, I think we were the ones who didn’t understand it. Gram’s resentment was a product of her dementia. It really had nothing to do with us or the way we took care of her.

So often, as caregivers, we give up our lives to care for a family member with Alzheimer’s.  Sometimes this leads to resentment for that person and other family members who don’t feel that need participate in the caregiving.

Yes, some sacrifice is inevitable.  And often we feel we owe that parent because they cared for us when we were younger.  It’s also difficult to find respite care for the Alzheimer’s patient.  If friends and neighbors offer to help, we seem to feel we’re imposing if we ask them again.

 As the author of the above article concludes, “We owed it to her as well as to ourselves to take better care of ourselves.”

There is a balance between sacrificing yourself and caring for yourself so you can be a better caregiver.  Each person has to find their own balance, but learn from others what they’ve done and how they’ve managed.   

Liz’s post, Alzheimer’s Disease Resources: Caring for the Caregiver , offers a good list of places to check out for ideas and assistance. 

 Also, check out some of the books available for aiding the caregiver.