Sarah Palin – Sexy Puritan
October 2, 2008 by Tracee Sioux
Filed under Parenting
It’s not your grandma’s modesty and “don’t do it.” It’s a hotter, sexier, kind of “don’t do it” that Sarah Palin exemplifies.
Had the sexier version of “don’t do it” and the empoweringly hot message of “make him chase you to the alter and then do it wildly,” been the focus of my community’s “don’t do it” message when I was growing up . . . .
Well, I might not have done it. . .
Read the article about the Sexy Puritan type at Slate.
I’m kind of Sexy {Feminist} Puritan aren’t I?
Yeah right, you still would have done it.
I might not have done it.
I wish I hadn’t done it. Mostly because it wasn’t much fun. It was billed as fun and it’s just barely getting really fun and I’ve been married 8 years and I’m 35. It’s taken me this long to figure out how to make doing it right any fun.
And I definately hope that Ainsley won’t do it. I don’t think teenagers should do it.
Surely there has to be an effective and positive “don’t do it” message – with cleavage.
I guess I don’t get the “don’t do it” message with cleavage. It seems like two messages. Don’t do it, and doing it would be so fun.
I wish I would have had some better experiences also, but I don’t wish I had waited until I was married (although I married the guy I did it with the first time!) I wish I had just taken it slower.
It’s NORMAL for kids to explore their sexuality. If I had a daughter, I think I would tell her that there are a lot of really fun ways to do that without intercourse. Since I’d totally expect her to experiment some, I wouldn’t want her to feel bad about it.
That was what was painful for me as a teen – thinking I was a bad person for doing it and even for wanting to do it. Which led to bad self esteem which led to making more bad choices. These are normal urges!
Holding sex out as a reward for getting married sometimes has bad consequences. I married my high school boyfriend, so I should know. I think one of the reasons I married him was to prove (to myself as much as anyone else) that I wasn’t a slut.
About the article in Slate..I know Sarah Palin is a prop for them..but I refuse to let her be a prop to me, and I believe she’s fighting tooth and nail to be more than a prop.
As far as her ‘category’…I’m not sure if I agree that it’s a strategic move to place beautiful, sexy people in the spotlight – but I think it’s a great idea. And I dont’ know if sexy is the right word to describe these spotlights, Sarah Palin, for example is not being overtly sexual while preaching abstinance..unlike the Britney Spears example. If she is sexy, then fine, but she’s certainly not piling it on. She’s attractive, but that too isn’t something I see her (or them) purposefully playing up. She is pretty – but her appearance screams intelligent respectable woman to me – not sexpot. Liberals writing her off as a shiny, sexy prop is just as offensive to me as conservatives writing other women off on the basis that they might get their period every month and blow up the world.
As far as the new spin on abstinance, I like it. I like the fact that they are no longer demonizing sex – after all, didn’t God create sex? I like that they are no longer encouraging girls to suppress their sensuality or beauty – that’s not healthy. I don’t think teenage girls should run around in booty shorts and a mid-drift, but I don’t think they should be forced to dress like the Duggars either. Both are super unhealthy.
I think an example of a ‘cool’ virgin, who wasn’t a boring prude, who wasn’t scowling at the thought of a real conversation about sex would have been a positive for me as a teenager. Waited? I don’t know..but been less lax in throwing my body around? maybe.
I think demonizing sex and sensuality and real conversations, throwing it all in one box labeled “DON’T TOUCH” has the opposite effect. I, for one, as a teen ran towards anything in that box. Had that box been opened a little – just for a good look around, I might not have been so hell bent on rebelling.
With all due respect – my sexual rebellion (and perhaps yours) bears no closer relationship to “a healthy expression of sexuality” than the closed, sheltered, religious “never talk about it and never express it” standard Violet and I grew up in.
With hind-sight and bearing the mental and emotional consequences – after 20 years and with the added perspective as a parent – I can say for sure that “doing it” the way I did it – was f*ed up. For Me. It was unhealthy for me. I would not hold it up as a lesson in another healthy choice, I would hold it up as a lesson in “what not to do.”
I bought into the message that I would find some sort of feminine power by rebelling against the sexual morality we were taught.
If that were true I’d be one of the most powerful women on earth. Unfortunately, it wasn’t powerful in retrospect, it was just kind of icky.
Did you see Sex & The City, the movie? When Samantha gives up the only love she’s ever known so she can screw everyone at 50 years old and erroneously believes she’s found some personal power in that – well, that was one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen. Pathetic.
Tracee, did you misunderstand my comment? I’m completely agreeing with you – I dont’ think my rebelling sexually was healthy either – what I’m trying to say is I saw things in black and white…things were presented to me in black and white – The process of ‘rebelling’ was much more fun and enjoyable than the actual sex.
If someone, an older girl, for example, that looked cool, had a cool life and a hot boyfriend/husband, had sat down and talked with me about the option of waiting – how great sex can be if you are in love – how crappy and disappointing it is if you are misinformed and too young – I think I might have waited..maybe not for marriage – but for a lot longer than I did.
And I agree – I gained no power or confidence from casual sex..
And I see the new face of abstinance as very empowering – holding off until they are mature and informed and valued enough to let it go. I like that – I can see how the virgin weilds the most power…the problem was I couldn’t see it then – I had no relatable examples.
All really great points.
I agree, much of my teenage sexual expression was not healthy either. There are many reasons for that, not the least of which was that I had been sexually abused as a kid and it fucked my head up. But the cultural messages we faced were really confusing for me too, and that left no room for me to be okay with my sexuality. Even masturbation was a no no.
I guess when I hear it framed that it is giving kids the idea that those who wait are just as cool as those who don’t – then it makes more sense to me, and I agree that’s positive.
Also, I agree with you That Girl about using Palin as a prop. She really isn’t sexual. She’s attractive, but that isn’t the same thing. Why do we always have to talk about how “doable” female public figures are? We certainly don’t do that to men.
Right – I haven’t seen her dress nearly as fashionably or as girlie or as sexy as Michelle Obama or as Cindy Mccain..yet I hear constant chatter about her sexiness.
On the flip side, I can see how her presence is exciting for young conservative women (those that don’t belong to the pentecostal or Big Love crowd) who, before now, havent’ really had a face.
She’s overtly sexual – she has 5 kids. How do you think she got them?
It’s not the neckline that is sexual or sensual or sexy – that’s the message. It’s not the willingness to do it that’s sexy either.
She’s sexy even though she’s not being what marketing tells us is “sexy.” She’s not buying into it and it’s making her sexier.
Also Violet to your statement that holding sex over guys to get what we want is unfair – I say giving it to them for nothing – not respect, commitment, stability, affection or even good behavior is far more unfair.
Did you hear about the woman who’s getting over $1 million for her virginity. Because men DO value it. It’s stupid for girls to pretend that they don’t.
I got nothing for mine. NOTHING.
Five kids equals sexy? I guess my mom, grandma and every single one of my aunts are VERY sexy by that standard. Michelle Duggar too.
I never said anything about holding virginity over guy’s heads, and I didn’t mean that at all. In the culture we grew up in though, there were many people who married the first person who turned them on – so they could get to have sex. Or got married at 19 – so they could have sex. Or married the one they “slipped” with because that would make it not so bad. Men and women.
My only thought is that the “wait until you’re married” scenario leaves little room to explore those very normal urges. At least the way they preached it where we grew up. In reality, I think there are a lot of things you can do to explore it without intercourse. I do wish I had been given permission to interact more with boys when I was young. I think my sexual experiences would have been more natural.
We had different teen scenarios, and I guess that plays into it. I was almost 18 when I finally did it. It was confusing and not much fun, but I don’t think I needed to feel the shame I did. I did love the guy, although it was a screwed up relationship.
I honestly think you need to meet more progressive men, and I’m not kidding. I do think some men “value” virginity, but those are not the men I know or care to know.
That’s kind of the point – married people have sex – your aunts had sex, they were in touch with their own sexuality – they are sexual for their own pleasure – they don’t do it for voyeurs. They don’t do it to rebel. They don’t do it for TV or porno or to act out some ‘romantic or hot” scenario portrayed by the media. They do it for themselves.
I’ve met and dated plenty of men – they were shitheads. Lots of them were “progressives.”
Right now I’m astounded at what kind of negative sexual crap “progressive men” think it’s okay to say about Sarah Palin in my presence. To quote you, “It makes me want to punch them in the balls.”
I don’t know the men who are willing to pay $1 million for a virgin (I don’t even know men who have $1 million) and I totally think it’s super f*ed up.
But, girls give it away for nothing every day. That’s stupid. It’s stupid and it’s dangerous. I don’t think when most teentagers do it it’s an “authentic expression of their sexuality” – I think it’s acting out a role they think of as “sexy.”
Maybe that is why you had sex, but that isn’t why I did. At least not totally.
Some of my reasons were not positive – I wanted to please my boyfriend, I had poor boundaries, rebellion etc.
But I was also genuinely curious and turned on by that boy. Like REALLY turned on. Just feeling that way made me feel very ashamed. I had no adult to talk to about that. I didn’t know what to do with those feelings.
I do agree that it is dangerous to encourage girls not to respect their bodies and who they share them with. But I think it’s almost as bad to present an ideal that most people will feel like a failure next to. I did.
I did it to catch up. All of my friends had done it and so I was tired of being left out of conversations..could that be more lame?
I blogged about it the other day..it’s called Josh.
I see what you mean Violet – but it seems like this new abstinance message is pretty positive about sex..pretty acknowleging about sexual urges..just encouraging teens to wait to act on them.
You’re right – the new abstinence message really does sound better. More positivity, more acknowledgment.
Because I guess my point is that even teen girls who are not emotionally damaged, or have low self-esteem or are peer pressured or whatever have sexual feelings, and they should know they are normal and positive.
That Girl – I never realized you had a blog! It’s awesome. I’ll be reading there more often.
Thanks, yeah – it’s just kind of for fun, I’m not kick’n ass in the stats yet.
Violet that only explains why you did it the first time. It doesn’t explain a decade of singleness.
After reading So Sexy So Soon I think there’s not a girl out there who can sift through all the media noise about what is sexy to find her authentic sexuality. It’s a mistake for adults to think that their experience in the 70s or 80s is related to what kids are going through today.
I can barely sift through at all the sexual commercials, spam, ads on the Internet, Dr. 90210-Kardashians, messages, twitters and facebooks, etc to find my authentic sexuality and I’ve had 20 years of practice. I’m in bed with my husband and I struggle to mentally banish all the craptastic media sexual porno images and static I’ve taken in all day to get in touch with what my nerve endings are feeling in that moment.
How are we expecting kids to do that?
If you can find a “curious” sheltered kid today – they are probably home schooled and not allowed to play with other children.
This is such a scary conversation – but it’s true. My 5 yr old was sitting under me while I watched the What Not to Wear people. I had no idea he was paying attention until he blurted out “They’re gonna make her sexy” I said “what?!” and he quickly answered “they’re going to put her in somethin red, or black maybe.”
I was dumbfounded. I’m not sure what more disturbing, the fact that he has a notion of what sexy means and has no idea what the word ’sex’ means, or the fact that sexy – in his world – means red or black clothes.
I had that moment and first it freaked me out too. Then I looked on TV, commercials, billboards, grocery store, and radio and thought “how stupid of me not to be aware that sex isn’t a secret anymore – it’s the anti-secret.”
But, all this media isn’t authentic sexiness. It’s not the red or the black.
Sarah Palin strikes me as America’s real authentic sexuality. She was hot for her high school boyfriend and eloped – 8 months later = baby. Oops. Daughter repeats her mistake = shotgun wedding. Oops.
She probably thought she was done with babies and then boom – her sexual peak with Todd turns into a change of life baby and there are real issues. But, she’s not willing to stop her own ball from rolling. Not for us. Or for our judgment.
She’s sexy, but she’s not pandering to us with overt clothing – but she’s not shrinking under a potato sack either. She’s sexy but she’s not doing it for public consumption or casual entertainment.
If I have to choose between what they’re selling as “sexy” on the E Channel with Dr. 90210 and Girls Next Door or Gossip Girl or Sarah Palin’s authentic sexy quality – my goal would be more Sarah. I would hold her up for myself and my son and daughter as authentic sexuality.
totally, I totally agree.