Sasha’s Non-Couple Moment
April 4, 2006 by Sasha Manuel
Filed under Relationships
When Gayla shared her non-couple moment in a previous entry then invited us over at the b5media community to do the same, I knew I couldn’t and wouldn’t turn her down. I like telling stories, you see.
It took time for me to organise my thoughts as to which non-couple moment I would share here at Dating Dames. Yea, I did have a moment or two — uh, perhaps a little more than that — that I might share to you guys. But for now, I reckon I’d start with one. His name is Peter.
Wow. I’m disclosing his real name, eh? You’ll find out why when you get to the end of my story. Hehehe.
I met him back in 1998 at my church’s youth camp. It’s actually an embarrassing moment for me when we met. It was an afternoon of the 3rd day. I just came from a spot where most of us youth workers congregate to have some drinks and chat by the beach. Some of the girls were talking about him in a manner that showed their interest and curiosity about who he is. I had no idea on who he was or what he looked like because there were like around 150 campers and I’ve been busy handling my own responsibilities. Duh. Well, okay — I was already crushing on someone at that time so I’m not on the look out, if you know what I mean.
Anyway, that was the first time I heard of him and caught a glimpse of what he looks like — Uh, from the back, I mean — when a girl pointed him out to the group earlier. I honestly just shrugged it off after leaving the group since I am already crushing on somebody else at that time. So, a few of my friends and I walked away from the place with the intention of heading down to the beach to hang out. I was walking by myself thinking that one of my friends was close behind and I started to say something before I actually turned around so when I did and found Peter smiling at me, boy, was I embarrassed! Hahaha.
That’s how we met. Me getting all flustered and him just laughing it off. He told me that his impression of me was that I was a snob and a girl who’s out of his league but was glad to find out that his initial assumptions were wrong. I was taken aback by his indirect admission of him taking notice of me before that incident. I just told him that based on what just happened, I can be a dork sometimes. We became friends after that.
However, after all the conversations we’ve had and clear indications of us liking each other, though left unspoken, we never did get together. One, it’s because he was leaving for Uni. Two, I was sort of starting to see someone who later became my boyfriend a few months after Peter left.
Peter was different from all the rest of the guys that I’ve met and I still sometimes hear his voice saying the crazy and serious things we talked about. I can’t help but think about the what could’ve beens.
If you are interested to know what happened after that, you can read something I wrote a couple of years ago, Summer’s Tears. I changed the names of the other characters in the story but not Peter’s. If you do get to read it you’d understand why I freely disclosed his identity and why we’re destined to remain as a non-couple. I hope you’d let me know what you think.
Wow Sasha! What a moving story. Thanks for sharing. I know it couldn’t be easy – but what a beautiful way to memorialize him.
Thanks so much, Gayla.
I still sometimes feel it’s not enough, though, because I couldn’t give him what he has given me.
Remembering him now made me tear up.
Sasha, I’m crying right now. I read your story and it so closely mirrored my own, iwth my first, ( and only), true love. The only difference was that I wouldn’t have refused his love. He was coming to see me. We were finally, finally going to have our first date/get together after being friends for a year, close frineds, and both liking each other alot, but both too shy to admit it. My regret is for all that “wasted” time. But, really, it’s not wasted, because we were in each other’s lives and whenever I close my eyes, even 20 years later, I still see him as clear as day. I still hear him playing the trumpet. I still feel all the love I had and still have for him. No one can ever take that away from you, Sasha. I think that the thing to be thankful for, is that he had the chance to tell you in person how he feels. Taht’s so awesom and something you’ll always keep with you, no matter what. It’s worse if you had many opportunities and never got to express it. Or were waiting to express it at just the right time. Matt, I believe, was going to tell me, that night, but he died in a car accident on his way to see me. I found out later through friends how he felt about me. But, you know what? I knew. I knew by the way he treated me, like I was precious to him. I knew by the way he looked at me every day. How he shared everything with me and vice versa. How we were like two peas in a pod. I honestly think we would have ended up together, happily married if he hadn’t been snatched away so soon, but it didn’t happen. FAte was cruel. However, I do have him with me all the time, in my heart, in my memories and he’s always young, always beautiful, always says sweet, kind words, etc.
You’re so lucky that you had that kind of love, even once. It doesn’t happen all the time. I’d say, it doesn’t happen more than once in a lifetime, like that. Not that you can’t love anyone else, but I really did understand that kind of recognition you had for each other, like you were made for each other before the earth and stars were formed, right? Thanks for sharing. You brought back my pain. I swear, I couldn’t breath for a whole minute and my heart still feels like I have to go scrape it up off the pit of my stomach, just remembering the devastation I went through when Matt died. But, you also reminded me of the love and joy that was there. The good times we shared. Thank you so much.
Jessi
Oh, Jessica… I don’t know how to tell you how much I appreciate you sharing that and the thought that we somehow share a similar experience. I was so moved. Thank you.
It IS an awesome thing to know that you were the last person he or she loved and the idea that you were loved in that manner at all. You’re right, it hardly comes in a lifetime that’s why we are fortunate to have our lives touched by individuals like them.
I may not have someone love me like Peter did but I remain hopeful that one day God will introduce me to the right one. I know Peter will be happy to know that I’d end up with someone who’d love me as much and even more.
I can say that I know the pain you went through. And what memories can do to you. However, you can always say that the happiness he offered you then will one day materialise [if it hasn't yet] because that’s what he would have wished for you. I personally believe that.
Thanks for letting me know all the things you’ve shared. I hope I hear from you again.:)