Saying Goodbye and a Giveaway Soon

I always believed that when you leave someone or something you should leave in a memorable way.  So, first I want to announce one more giveaway, a pack of the “A Private Affair Cards”.  More about that in my next post.

Over the past months I have gotten to *know* alot of you, I have shared my life as transparently as I know how.  I am transparant to a fault sometimes… this may have been one of those times.  I have received some criticism and questioning of the wisdom of my transparency here in real life from some of those that know me…they may or may not have been right.  The reality is if I have helped one of you then I feel that I have done something important and worthwhile.

The fact is that Marc and I are not doing well.  I am at a point where I don’t feel that I have a whole lot to say about marriage in general and there seems to be nothing new to say about my own marriage.  I find it oddly ironic that I have counseled women numerous times and now find myself unable to work through issues that should be simple.  And, I feel that the blog has become one sided, with me doing the majority of the writing here.  The frustration from that, which should be minimal, just adds to the total problem.

I want to encourage all of you, our readers, to continue on, communicate, work through, keep talking and keep trying.  Goo Goo Dolls did a song a few years ago called Iris.  I love this song for many reasons :

Verse 1

And I’d give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now
Verse 2

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t want to miss you tonight
Chorus

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Verse 3

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive

Chorus

And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Chorus

I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

I have bolded three lines in these lyrics for a reason.  When I leave I want to leave you with something tangible and here it is.

Anyone can go through life being a surface person.  They never let anyone touch them, they are happy with the status quo.  A good friend told me that some people were just like that, emotionally shallow, and that is was more or less unfair to expect more from them.  That may be right.

Saying that, however, I also have to say that you never help anyone by being closed, by pretending you are *fine*, by having a calm exterior in marriage or personally, that hides cracks and chasms of pain.  You help people by walking through, allowing them to see that you hurt beyond anything you ever imagined and yet you continue to walk anyway.  I have always wanted people to be touched by my life, to feel me: my presence, my faith, my determination to rise above the mundane.  That is the first bolded statement in the song.

I want to be known and loved for who I am.  Not who someone thinks I am, or who someone wants me to be, but me.  I am pretty cool.  I need to stop apologizing for not being cooler.  So that is the second bolded statement.

No one wants to deal with pain. No one does.  Pain is not fun.  But pain gets you somewhere.  It tells you there is a problem.  It announces the imminence of a baby, it tells you that your muscles are getting into shape.  Pain is a necessary evil and to want things to be happy, smooth, and peaceful means that you are stagnant or dead.  There is no pain when you are dead, there is no conflict.

If you are someone who is in a painful situation and you wonder if the pain is worth it…the answer is yes it is.  Don’t stop!  Don’t give up!

Don’t settle for mediocre and mundane…let your life be all or nothing.  Give everything all that you have to give and then reach inside and find  something else to give.  Anything less is not life it is existence.  Never compromise, never quit.

I may not know you face to face but I feel that I know many of you heart to heart.  You have prayed for me, encouraged me, and cheered me on.  Thank you.  Now, I want to leave you with something for you to take forward.  I believe you can.

If no one else does, I do.  I believe you can do what ever it is that looms large and unyielding in front of you.  Don’t give up.  Just please, dont give up.

And one more thing.

Right now I feel like a train wreck.  Total carnage, blood, gore…and people looking on and shaking their heads.  And yet I keep rising out of that gore and taking a few steps before I fall into again.  Why?  How?

Jesus Christ.  There is nothing He can’t fix if the human hearts involved are both willing.  There is nothing He will not do for you.  There is no reason for anyone to feel unloved and abandoned..John 3:16.  He belives in you whether you believe in Him or not.

Over the next couple of days I will be tying up loose ends, posting the giveaway, and sending out the stuff that still hasn’t been sent out from the last giveaway.  To say this was a simple decision, or one I am happy with would be a lie.  I have *officially* resigned Marriage Actually at b5.  I will continue to be at Baking Delights if you want to check in and also Kettle and Cup for now.  Simply Home Remedies is a big question mark right now.

I love you all, have prayed for you as you have made your needs known, and appreciate your loyalty and readership.  I have never been one to hide behind the keyboard, I am in real life just as I am here.  I will miss you all.  Leave a comment on baking delights once in awhile and let me know you are o.k.

Blessings,

Marye

image:marye audet