School Carpool Etiquette for Dummies

Nothing could have prepared me for this ritual they call the school carpool line. It was long and slow and intimidating, and yet the well-oiled PTO had it running like a front-loading washing machine. Our car was fed into a carousel of other vehicles, each stopping at a different color-coded column as a woman on a bullhorn ordered cryptic commands to the teachers hovering over the mass of kids ready to depart. “Number 35, Kindergarten, to green. Number 48, Kindergarten, to Yellow.” As if by magic, my son appeared, standing at red just as I pulled up to him. An upperclassman – perhaps in fifth grade – opened our car door as my son tumbled into his seat. She said, “Have a good day,” and we were off. It only took 30 minutes. Yesterday it took 45.

Parents I knew who had lived through years of carpool lines shook their heads at us through rolled-down car windows. They said it wouldn’t be this bad once we got the hang of things. Words I can trust, considering the first day we cued up in the wrong line and 20 minutes into our wait were sent around the block and to the back of the proper line.

So far, the mornings have been a breeze. The afternoons, as I said, are a nightmare. Sometimes I’m not sure where to turn or if I can pass a car that is taking too long to load up his child. So I actually Googled “school carpool etiquette,” because such things do not come naturally to me. And I got some damn good advice that I thought I’d pass along.

Not surprising, it takes about a week to learn each school’s particular car line rules, protocol and etiquette, according to a story in Traverse City Record-Eagle, a paper in Northern Michigan, which leads me to believe that Alabama and Michigan have something in common besides car manufacturing plants. It seems my son’s school isn’t the only one with an efficient, streamlined drop-off process. Apparently PTO members o’ the past have worked out most of the kinks and have shared the secrets of effective carpooling to other PTOs in the world.

I also found a wealth of information on ParentDish. A story there recognizes that some carpooling parents are just plain rude and as a result are frowned on by, well, at least the woman who wrote the piece. She offers tips on how to how not to be that annoying parent in the carpool line. I’m heeding this advice, and sharing with you to heed as well:

• Follow the established traffic pattern. If everyone drives around the school from east to west, don’t cut in at the west end because it’s closer or easier. For the first semester of this school year, there was one mom at Henry’s school who came in the wrong way EVERY SINGLE MORNING, driving against the traffic, to drop off her son. I don’t know how she avoided a head-on collision, but it was NOT safe.

• Keep your kids in their seats until they are ready to get out of the car. I’ve seen kids hanging out windows and standing up through open sunroofs in the carpool line. Again, not safe. Buckle up.

• Get off your cell phone, especially during carpool pick-up. Seriously, take five minutes to wish your child a pleasant day or say hello and ask what he did at school. You can call people back. Really.

• Pay attention. One day last week, another mom nearly backed into my car in the pick-up line. A teacher standing next to my car laughed and said, “Oh, on Tuesday she hit that post over there!” Yesterday, the SAME mom nearly hit a kid. I don’t know what’s going on there, but when you’re in the carpool line, particularly at schools where kids and parents and teachers are milling around, keep your eye on what’s going on.

• If for any reason you need to park your car, park it in a designated space, not the carpool line. I visit with my son’s teachers on a regular basis, usually at the end of the day. If the conversation is going to last longer than a general “How was his day?” while he’s buckling his seat belt, I park the car and walk up to get him. If your child is too small to buckle her own seat belt or she needs a snack or she just wants to hug you when she gets out of school, park and walk. Please.

• Finally, be patient and be polite. Different schools have different rules about carpool pick up, most of which are designed to promote a safe, efficient system for drop off and pick up. When you follow the rules respectfully, you teach your child a good lesson about being polite and being safe, and about how those two things can go hand in hand.

Photo, Flickr, CP