Schoolboy on Vacation
August 11, 2007 by Kristina Chew, PhD
Filed under Health
On a strangely cool (almost cold, if you consider that the heat index on Wednesday was 102 degrees) Friday in August, I took the boogie boards from the back of the garage and put them by the door, shaking off spiderwebs: On Saturday we head to the ocean, for our annual beach vacation.
As I walked back inside, I heard footsteps and turned to find Charlie picking up all three boogie boards and carrying them back into the garage. “We’ve got to pack to go to the beach!” I said.
“No,” said Charlie.
“It’s vacation,” I said.
“No vacation,” said Charlie, and then the name of one of favorite aides at school. And it occurred to me: Charlie’s last day of summer school was Wednesday; he has been off from school for two days, which is how long a weekend is; by his calculations, it is time to be back in school.
Sometimes I yearn for nothing more than year-round school for Charlie. While the general pattern of our days is often rather—if I may speak frankly—boring, falling as it does into a simple and highly predictable routine of get up, schoolbus, school, go home, ABA or speech, walk or pool, trip to grocery store, dinner, shower, play around, bedtime—-Charlie seems most peaceful easy-feeling when the days are this structured and scheduled in a recognizable way. Vacation is not synonymous with “relaxing” or “resting,” but is a time of far greater worry on his part (as he does not know what might come next) and of attentiveness on ours (due to the extra worry). I have learned to make vacation a fairly structured enterprise, with a quickly and clearly established routine and visual schedules for Charlie to follow. Nonetheless, vacation means we are not home and the total change of environment creates something more than cognitive dissonance.
Last year’s stay at the beach began rather “eventfully” with Charlie, anxious at the prospect of two weeks at his favorite spot in the world but away from school and the routine he so cherishes, running with a cry through the house and banging his head on the far wall of the kitchen. Jim and I did not stop to look at each other and raced into the kitchen to be with a crying Charlie. The rest of the two weeks was glorious and occasionally nerve-wracking: There is something about being near the ocean that soothes all three of us, and Charlie especially. There’s the wild, musky, sometimes ancient smell in the air; the constant granules of sand that Charlie loves to run his soles through; those waves, foaming and going out and in, out and in. Life is simplified, the main considerations about where a dry swimsuit is, whether the towels have been blown to the ground by the sea breeze, what seafood to try (I’m a vegetarian, but one has to make exceptions when at the beach…….), what to do on the hot and lazy afternoons, whether to walk north or south on an evening beach walk. (And, to remember the bug spray.)
In past years, I have packed the stereotypical arsenal of special foods, bags of toys that Charlie probably would not play with, too many clothes, DVDs, videos, books that Charlie only looked at for a some fleeting moments. This year—while the car will be packed—-I have been reminding myself, keep it simple! I’ve packed every bathing suit that Charlie has, a few random t-shirts and shorts, sandals and socks, the keyboard and his piano books, a stack of puzzles, the laptop we have been teaching Charlie to use this past year. Charlie himself will put his iPod, photos, blanket, Jim’s three blue and green coats (”hey, I don’t have to worry about packing a sweatshirt,” Jim noted earlier), headphones, photo calendar, school backpack, lunchbox.
Yes, his backpack and lunchbox.
In previous years, I would have said to Charlie that he had no need to bring those things, this is vacation. This year, it’s fine with me: Perhaps Charlie needs to bring those signs of school to remind him, that he will get to go back there, to school.
(Me, I am thinking about how I start teaching at my college a few days after we return and I have yet to write syllabi…….or rather, I am not thinking about all this.)
I often think the two weeks at the ocean are the best—the bestest—gift we could give Charlie. He is immune to any trends of fashion, the latest toys, or music: Charlie likes what he likes and I correlate his anxiety about going on vacation in direct relation to his deep-set love of where we are going. Watching Charlie swim in the ocean is one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. For all the anxiety surrounding getting to the ocean, there is no place where Charlie is more in his natural element as if my boy, in some other life or time or universe, were a dolphin, were a fish, and could be in the waves forever.
I’m feeling a bit beachsick now.
I wish for year round school for Patrick too. We pack a backpack on vacation…it really seems to help him with the transition. We’re missing our beach vacation this year for several reasons and we’re all a bit sad about it. But I think visiting a full size Thomas the Tank Engine will make up for it in Patrick’s mind anyway (bit of a crazy day for the rest of us though, we’re not much into crowds and such).
My own anxiety decreases by monumental bounds when near the water…and as Matt is wired differently and feels EVERYTHING more intensely, when he is at the seashore…how to describe it….well, it is magical!!! The smell, the sights, the sounds, the very feel of the sand and water produce a calmness I wish I could bottle and bring home. Living in the Pittsburgh area leaves us with nothing such, close by. So I try to replicate here at home. Bought the biggest hot tub we could find, light many “scents of the beach” candles, put on our goggles…and “pretend”. Sometimes, ole mom here, does a pina colada as well. Sometimes, just to change it up a bit(and keep the neighbors talking…lol) we keep our clothes on. During a snow storm, we sing carols in it. We have even used it in the middle of the night, when sleep won’t come. It’s as close as we can get to the “real deal”. Still though, it’s just not the same.
I think Charlie would like the hot tub!
He was serious on the ride down then started to smile after we crossed over a certain bridge—-then burst into tears as we got to the beach and would not get out of the car. A swim in the ocean—-strong current—-changed that.
Such beautiful, descriptive words, Kristina….I could almost feel the beach. The closest beach to us is Galveston (eww…ick), and it’s several hours away. I’ve never been much of a beach person, but I was enthralled on a visit many years ago to Hilton Head….not there I could live!
I could practically feel Charlie’s anxiety. Poor little man…but I know he will be in his element in no time. Does he sleep well on vacation?
Remember to get some down-time for you, too!
Year round school — it needs some serious consideration. I’ll never forget how the birth to three program worked year round. It was very, very good for kids and families. Schools could take a lesson from their program.
I never really cared for the beach until I came with Jim and Charlie. It’s home beach home for both of them—-and so, me too.
Year round school at the beach, imagine…..
You speak through my mouth when you describe Charlie’s love of water and swimming. My son is also a see-person and it’s almost impossible to get him out of the water. We are leaving for holidays in a few days. We have already talked to him about that, so he knows where we are going and that we are taking a ship to get there. It will be his second time in a ship. He loved it the first time-he fed the dolphins biscuits. So, I think it will be OK with him thiw time, too. I’m looking forward to that and I wish you all happy holidays-that is, if you haven’t had it yet!
I like how Charlie gets ready for summer beach vacation. Good idea on bringing the backpack and very in tune to his feelings. On Sundays I get out the backpack and lunch bag so that Matt knows the next day is school. It is hard on those three day weekends though. When I get out the swim trunks he knows CAMP is coming.
Year round school is not that great, sure they go to school in summer, but what about that month off in January and Feb or Sep and Oct or March and April? There is no camp at those times.
I plan on taking Nick next week one day to Santa Monica pier to walk around. We are less than an hour from beaches but not easy as a single parent to take two kids on the spectrum. When Nick was a baby we lived in Orlando and we went to the beach a lot and he enjoyed the sand. Growing up in NJ my family went to Wildwood or Cape May for our vacation and then day trips to Long Branch and after high school proms to seaside Heights. I do miss the fudge.