Screening Your Child’s Friends
“Mom, can I go over to Timmy’s house?” It starts the same way every time. The kids make friends in their new classes and want to have a play date on their turf. I, in all of my parental paranoia, refuse to grant their request to set foot on unfamiliar turf and am met by cries of, “You’re so mean! That’s not fair!” Sometimes, the parents of said friend get involved and insist that their homestead is completely safe. These decrees hold just about as much weight as if it were made by Michael Jackson himself. I am very weary of strangers and even acquaintances. I grew up knowing of far too many families that discovered a member who was a child molester or had an abusive parent. Call me what you will, I’m not a parent who takes the safety of my children lightly.
My husband and I have strict protocol for getting comfortable enough with a family, to allow one of our kids to be trusted to their supervision. Sometimes, people get offended. There have been occasions where a parent will get down right pissed. For the most part, however, they can appreciate our skepticism and receive it as being protective and not paranoid. We always welcome the kids to come and play at our house. We welcome their parents to stay. We encourage them to do a background check. It has been known to strike people as odd, but we do one on every parent that we trust our kids with. We are honest about it and figure that the only ones who get tweaked about it, have something to hide.
After they pass the check and we become familiar with every member of the family, they move on to a thorough home inspection. We ask questions about who lives in the home. We check for guns and signs of drug use. My husband, who can read people like books, will let me know if he has a bad feeling about a family member. We make sure that dogs do not have access to our kids. After my son got attacked by a dog, we no longer allow them around strange dogs. Most of the time, the family will get the green light. Sometimes, we find that we have to deny our kids visitation to a certain house that we deem unacceptable. They can still be playmates at school, but that is where it ends.
How and where do you draw the line with your kids’ friends? Do you feel comfortable with allowing them to play at a strangers house? Do you take measures to make sure that the home environment is safe? Do you ever have to restrict your kids’ access to a friend’s house? Sound off in the comment section.
Um, I’m confused, will you send your kids over if I’m getting stoned but not cleaning the gun?
It’s only RIGHT to be involved in your child’s life!!!
I still have little ones that don’t leave my site! I sit at any playdate and watch everything so, thankfully, I don’t have to deal with this yet. The only thing I do deal with is neighborhood kids coming over and wanting to play in our yard wtih my kids, who are younger. One of the kids is rude and abrasive to my kids, and I just plain don’t want to have him around. Now what do you do when you clear the house for play, and you find no safety issues, but you just don’t like the way a playmate treats your child? I’m curious. You don’t want to say to your child that the kid is rude or not nice so what do you say? I just keep telling the kid that we have plans and are busy, but my son is always upset when I send the kid away.
Sue~
Let me break it down:
No drugs, no guns, no sex predators, no sharp knives laying around, no suspicious looking family members, no torture chambers, no net free trampolines, no dogs…hmmmm, I think I covered it all.
Where was the confusion?
Dianne~
I have come across this many times. We simply explain to our kids that we have the right to deny certain friendships if we see it as problematic. That is our right, as parents. When the child asks to play, we tell them that it isn’t a good idea, and leave it at that. We have had to tell older kids that they are too old. We have had to deny kids whose parents think that we are a free babysitting service and take advantage of our home. We have had to turn away kids who are involved in bad situations, for the sake of protecting our kids. We may not be popular with our kids for it, but it is our job.
Sue~
P.S.
No MTV, reality TV, pornos, mature video games, Youtube, Rated R movies, and definitely NO WIGGLES. Those men are weird.
I’m with you on the wiggles but not the guns or dogs. My dog doesn’t really know how to use a weapon but we do have both.
I’m not sure how old your kids are but it is good to have boundaries about who you play with and where. I find that the parents who I don’t trust to care for my children don’t raise the most remarkable kids anyhow so it’s no loss.
I do promise that if you want to drop your little ‘uns off I won’t take them to the gun range (we lock ours up), smoke them out (too expensive) or let the dog bite them very hard (he’s 5 pounds).
And the porn thing? May I recommend Mac with a Leopard operating system, awesome parental controls.
I am getting parents asking for overnighters when I don’t even know the mom’s last name. I’m glad that were not the only parents who are this strict. (hey even when you are strict your kids still can come home knowing all about sex already) jk!!!!!! lol