Searching for my . on the Radar
January 15, 2009 by Marc Audet
Filed under Relationships
First off, I am sorry for my long silence here. In the past 60 days or so, I have managed to “booger up” my marriage in a major way.
First off with our love life in November after returning from Winter Camp with the boys I shut down.
I can’t to this day explain how, why or anything. I had intentions when we got home and it didn’t happen. I ended up shutting down sexually and this created havoc in our marriage. It has caused nothing but pain and insecurity in Marye. What is wrong with me? Why doesn’t Marc want me? And the list goes on…
In reality it is “What is wrong with me, Marc?” Why don’t I have the desire for Marye? Where is what little libido I had left gone to? I do not know what has happened to me and I still am at a loss. It is not what is wrong with Marye. I have tried to explain this and it does not make sense. (Throw hands up in the air)
Secondly, I have broken trust in our marriage. I have bought things for myself and lied about it. I did it at the expense of Marye and the kids. I have done it in the past and thought it was behind us.
Well, I blew it big time when I got my bike. Also earlier last year when I bought my muzzleloader just after losing my full-time job.
Now hear I am. I have created as major mess in our marriage and I am sorry Marye. I hope that nothing I said causes any more problems.
I don’t know where I am or who I am either, right now. And neither does Marye. It really bites.
I am sorry…
Is there anyone out there who might know what where I am on the radar?
Image:SXC
Wow… if I had to take a stab at it… I’d say you’re back.
I think so…Now THAT is the man I know. Responsible, honorable and awesome.
I forgive you. Totally.
Now let’s work on moving on in a positive way, shall we?
my guess? you’re at a crossroads of introspection that has pretty much nothing to do with your marriage, but certainly had an effect on it.
I’m thinking those purchases were made out of denial, or wishful thinking, and you’re ashamed of what motivated you to make the purchases and lie about it. That shame is likely to be the biggest cause of a drop in libido. I believe that once you let go of the shame, your libido will return.
Best wishes to both of you, and please keep speaking up. Your voices are unique and important, and I love hearing them. Thank you for staying open even during these hard times.
Thanks Suzanne and Marye!!
Tanya, thanks. I am re reading your comment to determine if it is anything valid.
My own experience with that sort of behavior (and, as a matter of fact, with most other behaviors too) is that the roots typically go back to parents and/or childhood.
That might be worth a mull for validity, too.
Welcome back.
Dave
DHave:
Not necessarily, unless you believe that bipolar ( Manic/Depression ) behaviours and others also stem from childhood. Bipolar especially is one where the manic end of it can produce spending binges out of the blue.
If one is conservative by nature, careful, responible with respects to family and their needs and then you see a pattern of going off and hitting the stores/ebay/whatever; you need to take a look at underlying issues.
I’m not saying that it NEVER applies or contributes, but there are many cases where you’ve a child who grows up and acts out those kinds of things and his or her siblings do not.
There is probably more to it; more complexity than we currently understand. Maybe these things can lie dormant in members of the population and are brought out into active mode by parents/childhood.
====================
” Oh, D-have! ”
– Austin Powers
Umm…why can’t it just be that all have fallen short of the glory of God? I mean we do all have sin nature. It is not that difficult to stumble and fall for any of us, be deceived and continue to walk in a pattern of deception. IMHO.
You sin, you repent, you go on.
Its not an absolution of responsibility in any way…yes, we are part of a fallen world doomed to die some day, but within that overall truth, one tries to understand how cholesterol, for example, aggravates the tendency for heart-disease and so you avoid certain types of foods more than someone else needs to.
Not a great example, but one of my boys is practicing his tae kwon do on my cranium right now.
LOL! Geez.
Thanks Dhave…
I have asked my brother about some family things and past that I don’t remember.
David,
Manic depressant isn’t my MH diagnosis.
No thanks…
Maybe YOU have been beaten about the head (between your shoulders)too much
Maybe YOU have been beaten about the head (between your shoulders)too much
excuse me?? I don’t think anything I’ve said warranted that.
My husband only tried to be nice to you. What a jerk you are
Praying for you two.
Glad things are starting to work their way out.
(David and Meggy? Think maybe Marc was attempting to be funny in view of the tai kwon do comment you made?)
Have a great weekend everyone.
Ummm, David and Meggy, I do believe Marc was being funny…You did say that you were being beaten up by you son.
He has not been on the computer today because of work and church with the kids.
David said,
“Not a great example, but one of my boys is practicing his tae kwon do on my cranium right now.”
What about that didn’t warrant a smart-a** comment David?
I’m sorry that the humor was lost.
My humblest apology.
[insert:img](picture groveling for forgiveness)[img]
Marc
Heather,
That was it exactly. Yeah, That’s the ticket, yeah. I was trying to be, uh, funny. That’s it!! (picture John Lovett(sp?) of SNL fame.
Meggy, I was trying to interject humor.
On the serious side though manic-depressinon isn’t one of my MH diagnoses. Depression is the only one that I am aware of .
Unless my shrink told one of my other multi-faceted personalities something else.
I’m outa here for now. Exit, Stage Left….
LOL!!! I miss the old SNL. . . They were actually funny.
Heather, how OLD is old? Because I remember watching the first..the VERY first episode, when I was somewhat…uh….not-quite-there….and about halfway through I realized that it WASN’T Monty Python.
HAHAHA!!! Well, I just turned 45 in December. Growing up we didn’t have a TV – and I was out on my own at 16 – so, pretty old. Probably not the first episode, but definately back in the days of Jim Belushi, Gilda Radner, and that crew. Y’know. (grin) back in the good ol’ days when it had skits like the Coneheads and Jim Belushi as a giant bumblebee.
So, right after Monty Python on Sunday nights was Dr Who. . . Did you ever get in on that? They’re showing them again, but they arent’ nearly as much fun, now that they have “real” special effects, not just cannister vaccuums and irons on strings.
I did watch Dr. Who.
You younger than me..I will be 49 in April.
Marc:
Any apologies should be from us to you. Ya, know, we didn’t tie the comment you made about being beaten senseless with the one I made about my son trying to get my attention, though I should have!
Wife doesn’t like me to get involved between other people’s issues as a few years ago I stuck my nose between a couple of Irish drunkies having a nasty row with one of their wives, lol. I remember my nose exploding, but little else … swollen brain tissue makes you say nonsense for a long time afterwords and your comment struck the wrong nerve – she’s still very sensitive over that, though its no big deal, really.
Sorry for the surly reaction
Right. Spending sprees don’t mean one is bipolar, of course. But I was amazed recently to find that nearly all of the manic/depressives have that ( or some sort of excess ) as a symptom.
If you wake up fairly often so full of heated enthusiasm and energy, you can’t contain yourself and so go out and buy everything you see, then, maybe its worth taking a look at.
Nope he doesn’t do that. One of the thngs marc is fighting is that he has lost his enthusiasm for almsot anything. Part of the depression he dealt with for a long time.
I have a theory on the spending…only a theory. People can get addicted to the chemicals in their own brains. ie: a sex addict gets addicted to the chemical that is released during orgasm (oxytocin?) and the Xtreme sports addict gets addicted to the adrenalin rush etc.
Really spicy food hits the same pleasure centers in your brain as intense sex. You eat something off the charts hot and once the steam stops rolling out of your ears you feel really happy and good. Endorphins.
My theory is that a spender has a rush of chemicals that gives them a high that they then get addicted to.
But it is only a theory.
Sounds like a pretty good theory. Feels good at the time – maybe even gives a sense of control – seems like there’s a lot of things Marc can’t control right now, with his illness.
David & Meggy.
No apology needed. I took no offense, but kind of laugh when you reacted in the misunderstanding.
Heather Thanks,
Kid,
I’m trying to work on stuff.
Marc- I know.