Self-denial

Why do so many mothers deny themselves new things? I thought it was just me, that I had a guilt complex from back in the days where I didn’t bring in an income and I just hadn’t gotten used to having a bit of spare cash yet. But then I mentioned it to some friends and it seems like a whole lot of us have trouble justifying buying ourselves something that we don’t absolutely 100% need. I finally splurged and spent a whopping eight bucks on some eye makeup because I was wearing the same stuff I had bought five years ago, which isn’t exactly good eye hygiene. I felt guilty. Six months ago I bought a $15 purse and felt so guilty about it that I went and bought something for each of my girls. The other day at the DOLLAR STORE of all places, I bought myself a little reading light (the joy of co-sleeping is that it’s hard to read in bed without risking waking the toddler up) and a hair brush. And I felt guilty because I didn’t really need either.

Why is this? I don’t bat an eye if my husband wants to get something for himself, assuming all our bills are paid first. I have no trouble buying treats and fun stuff for my kids. Why do i either deny myself anything new or feel guilty when I do?

Today it had to come to an end. My digital camera was still working but it would periodically only partially open and if I didn’t notice, I would come home with a card full of blurry shots. I know it’s only a matter of time before it dies on me. My husband still has the camera I passed on to him last year when a friend gave me my current one and he’s used it twice I think, so he certainly wouldn’t mind if I “borrowed” it back.

Instead, I looked at our budget, saw that we had paid everything for the month and had enough for everything else we needed, so when I made a bit of bonus money with a freelance gig, I took that money and I went to the store and bought myself a new camera.

It’s not a ridiculously expensive camera (though it looks like one!), but it’s mine and I bought it just for me, just because I wanted it. I don’t NEED a new camera but I wanted one because I truly enjoy taking pictures – of my kids and other things too. I bought myself something really good for the first time in years and you know what?

It felt damn good.

When’s the last time YOU bought something for yourself?

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