Setting A Curfew For You’re Teen

When I was in high school I had to be home and in bed by 10pm on school nights and midnight on other nights. I hated my curfew. Especially after I started driving. In my senior year there were a lot of parties and most of my friends could stay out until at least 1am. But not me. It meant I had to drive myself or make all my friends leave early. It sucked.

Guess what my teenager’s curfew is. 10pm on school nights and midnight on other nights. It’s funny how you have a completely different perspective on these things when you have children of your own.

No matter what their curfew is, teens will rarely be happy with it. Curfews can be the cause of many fights during these high school years. But there are things parents can do to minimize the arguments.

Explain why you need to impose a curfew
Contrary to what teenagers may think, we don’t impose a curfew just to be mean. We actually have specific reasons. Those reasons may be different for each family and different for each teen, but there are a few reasons I think we can all agree on.

Your city may have a curfew for minors. Some cities, especially those with high crime, have laws about what time those under 18 need to be off the streets. If they aren’t home by curfew they could face a fine. In that case it’s out of your hands (unless you want them home even earlier than that).

There is rarely a good reason for teens to be out in the middle of the night. School events and sporting events are usually over by 10:30pm. Late night parties are often unsupervised and not a place for teens. The later your teen is out the higher chance they are partaking in an activity you don’t approve of; drinking, drugs or sex.

We don’t want our teens driving home when adults are driving home from the bars. Drunk drivers can be deadly to your teen. A teen driving at midnight is safer than one on the roads at 2am.

We worry about them. We need to know when they will be home so we know when to start worrying they won’t make it home. If we have no idea when they will be home then we won’t know they are in trouble until it may be too late.

Teens need to learn about rules and the consequences for not following those rules. The consequences for not being home by midnight may be the loss of phone or internet privileges. When they get older the consequences of not following rules could be more severe, such as the loss of their job or even jail time. Prepare them early to follow rules.

Decide on a curfew together
Teens feel better about rules when they are part of the decision-making rather than just being told. Ask her what she thinks is an appropriate time and why. Really listen to her reasoning. She may have some good points. Then give your opinion and come to an acceptable compromise.

Make the consequences clear
Don’t leave it up in air. Don’t say, “You’ll be home by 11pm or else.” Define the “what else.” Make sure your teen knows exactly what he’ll be giving up for another 15 minutes with his friends.

And like the time, let your teen help you determine what would be an appropriate punishment for missing curfew. You may be surprised at some of the things your teen comes up with.

Curfew doesn’t have to be a dirty word. Work with your teen to create an agreed upon curfew and consequences. When your teen is part of the decision-making process it makes it seem more bearable. It makes them feel like they are in control. And it often makes them be more responsible.