Shame on You, Dr. Laura
April 17, 2009 by Jennifer Walker-Journey
Filed under Family, Parenting
Dear Dr. Laura,
Well, it seems you have found the secret to a golden career selling books by the million and luring in listeners to your radio show – be one-sided and controversial. Get your face on every TV show that will take you and tell them how you know you are right because you lived both lives – as a career woman and as a mother. Tell them how you can separate the two, but other women should not because our children need us, especially in the first three years of their life.
The thing is, Dr. Laura, I don’t disagree with you there. I think children need us for the rest of their lives and we should always be accommodating. I think the mother-child bond transcends all others. But I believe the father-child bond is just as important, and that both parents can be providers for their families as well as caregivers for their children. I want my son to grow up supporting his wife’s decision whether she wants to stay home fulltime with her children or juggle motherhood and the career she’s studied hard for. I want my son to see that mothers can become doctors and CEOs and even presidents of great countries and still be devout caregivers to their children. I want him to understand that when he becomes a parent that his role in raising a child goes beyond bringing home a paycheck and being the great disciplinarian. He, too, should be a nurturer.
You see I’m not only black or white. I’m somewhat gray. I applaud those women who choose to stay home with their children and are fulfilled doing so. I tried to do that, but I’m not programmed that way. My desire to write again overwhelmed me, and my husband and I found a way for me to split my time between staying home with our son part time and writing the other. Those “other people” with early childhood degrees who have been “raising” my child the other part of the time have helped me socialize him and educate him in ways I could never do on my own.
Do I feel fulfilled as a woman? Yes.
Do I feel like my husband’s girlfriend? Always.
Do I feel like I have touched the soul of my kids? Every day.
And what about those mothers who have no choice but to work in order to feed and clothe their children? Are they depriving their kids? You say that every woman is capable of choosing her hours of work so that she can sandwich her job during her child’s school hours, but how realistic is that for a woman flipping hamburgers making minimum wage who is thankful for whatever hours she can get? Especially in this day and age.
But no, Dr. Laura. You’re always right, aren’t you? You hold yourself to a different standard than the rest of us, and want those of us who disagree with you to feel inadequate as a mother. Well, shame on you, Dr. Laura. Shame on you.
Source: Wall Street Journal
Photo, Amazon
This is an excellent piece. Dr. Laura’s babble has caused many problems. It’s difficult to put into writing how pleased (tickled pink) I was when I spotted this article while browsing around. Great piece and you were kind to her.
Thanks
Polly Donahue
MN
I regret that you haven’t read the book before commenting. It is a rejoicing of the efforts husbands and wives make to sustain their primary shared goal and ideal: parenting their children themselves. Shame on me? I happen to believe that no hired help can replace a mother’s love and attention. Shame on me? I believe that the parents who make the sacrifices and struggles to sustain that life-style in spite of circumstances should be revered, applauded, and emulated. Shame on me? I’ve worked 32 years building a forum especially to support families. Shame on me? Okay, then… warmly, Dr. Laura Schlessinger
Despite our differences of opinion, I must say it is pretty cool to hear from you.
Haha,
You made her mad! And yet, she completely makes your point for you.
Apparently, households headed by single mothers are not included in Dr. Laura’s definition of “families”. I suppose if I had a husband I would be able to listen to her daytime radio show, but instead I have to work. You know, to pay for all those things my not-a-real family needs….
Personal sacrifice is certainly a part of transforming our lives from childless to one of being a parent. Unfortunatley many in our society do not have anything left to scarifice. Dr. Laura’s assumption that families can make do with a single income or simply change jobs is completely unrealistic and insensitive to the situation many Americans are in. Wages and benefits have steadily declied against inflation since the end of WWII and there is no end in sight. Only the upper middle class and above can survive in a single earner household these days. June Cleaver is dead and gone.
This book is nothing more than a few hundred pages of self-congratulating tripe.
In honor of Dr. Laura I will however, make this sacrifice; I will not buy Dr. Laura’s book and will instead put that money in his meager college fund. Who would like to join me?
Go Jennifer! I completely agree with you, and I was fortunately able to be a stay-at-home mom for seven years. Not every parent has that choice!
Being there for your kids has nothing to do with geography, Laura. Duh. It’s a knowing that your parents instill in you that they’re available and ready to step to your side whenever you’re in need. At any age. Many moms stay at home and are rotten parents. Their kids would be better off if their moms had 24-hour jobs. Excellent points Jennifer. I hope you also raise your son to think he can stay home with his kids while his wife earns the paycheck. It’s all acceptable.
She needs an argument where there is no argument.
Only a shameful phony could say something dumb like, they happen to believe that no hired help can replace a mother’s love and attention.
Show us where this outcry of belief in hired help to replace motherhood exists. I don’t mean one of your computerized stay at home job sites. In the real world, where are the parents who believe in hired help replacements?
In my child’s preschool teachers very often say to children “shame on you” when they misbehave or do something wrong. I know that it puts children’s self esteam down, when they hear every time those words.I want to talk to a director about it, but she has her own philosophy. How can I explane that saying “Shame on you” every time they do something wrong is not right, what arguments can I put?