Share It Until It Goes Away
January 17, 2007 by Mark
Filed under Diseases & Conditions
Do you concern yourself with the “appropriateness” or the “intelligence” or the worth of something you might want to share in a meeting?
I continue to subscribe to the principle the oldtimers taught me – that is that there is nothing you can share in an AA meeting that is truly wrong. Even if you are completely out of line, you, or someone else, will learn something from what you shared. If you are approached and chastised about what you shared that might have been inappropriate, in an inappropriate manner, please, by all means, say so, probably to your sponsor. If you receive feedback for a stated difficulty that you may be unsure of, ask your sponsor or refer to the Big Book. If you receive feedback that is a direct quote from the Big Book, go to your Big Book and read the page before and the page after the quote you were offered.
I was also told to share what I needed to share until the problem went away. That doesn’t mean to continue to share what you want in order to finally get the answer you really wanted because eventually you would. There’s always someone willing to co-sign BS. Share about what you’re unsure of, is causing you pain, is leading you to a drink, until the pain goes away, until the compulsion goes away, until you are “back on track” again.
Something like this;
On page 63 of the Big Book, where it says we were reborn, that is not a rationalization to say that all of a sudden we have power over alcohol! Those of you who think you have a choice over whether or not you’re going to drink, that have a defense against drinking that has anything to do with your mind, are so incredibly, sadly mistaken! Right at the top of page 63 it says;
“Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well.”
He defends us! If we perform His work well!
Please! Don’t be a damn knucklehead and get so smart now that you’re sober for a while and figure that somehow you have any power over alcohol! Talk to those who’ve been there and done that!
The previous page explains it so well. That person who quoted it, to offer it as proof that he has the power of choice today, ought to re-read page 62. It says;
“This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work.”
Deciding that you have power of choice when it comes to drinking, that on a moments notice, you will have the wherewithal to withstand an assault from alcohol, is Fool’s Folly. You’re playing God and that is old behavior. The end results have been proven thousands of times over.
I wish I had been smart enough to listen to people when they said I couldn’t drink normally. I made the mistake several years ago of “testing” controlled drinking after I got myself into the rooms. I was out for another two years after that.
Thought provoking topic…On the one hand, fear of “what would people think?” was a big problem with me… still is, now that I remember who I am. I had to learn to stop putting on that pose in meetings, to be willing to admit fallibility and to stop try to impress people with how glib I [thought I] was. And my sponsor told me to never criticize what someone else brought to the table, to only share MY experience and not to assume the experience of others was (or should have been) the same. On the other hand… boy do I get frustrated with the notion I’ve heard expressed that “we bring our problems to the table” and ” we spill our guts”. I’m all for frankness and honesty, but in context please. Bringing problems, “as they relate to alcoholism” to the table is appropriate, necessary, and generally helpful to all. But not all my problems related to alcoholism and not all were appropriate meeting topics. I heard someone say once that they “took their problems to their sponsor and their solutions to the tables”. I liked that a lot.
Thanks so much folks – I love feedback! Good stuff
Surprisingly enough Gary, I heard “took their problems to their sponsor and their solutions to the tables” for the first time at a meeting in Pensacola, Fl four years ago when Lonnie, Greg and I were beginning a drive to Los Angeles. Like anything else, there seems to be more than one school of thought on it too…
Oh yes the playing God stuff had to go. Although, I must admitt, I fall back on it at times.
Good God was that four years ago? I find that the people who are not using a single person as a sponsor but rather the group ,really say a lot and leave very little, after awhile you can hear the people with out sponsors they tend to go on an on ,not only was i told bring it to your sponsor and bring the solutions to the rooms , but also after 3 mins know one is listing so get on with it .
Mark B T W Got a chance to speak at ST Charles the other day :Jone drafted me ” there’s a rehab there funny i thought it was only a detox .
see ya soon .
Mike P
Agreed with Mike P — wholeheartedly. I want to hear the solution to the problem, not just the problem. Go talk to your sponsor about the problem first, unless you are gonna drink/use if you don’t get it out b4 the meeting is over.
We also need to watch ofr things that are inappropriate or may end up harming us in some way if shared — there are perpetrators of various types in the rooms and they listen as well….some things shared leave us too vulnerable and, thus unsafe.
Good topic. Thanks.
Scout
Scout – ya’ gotta be reeeeeeaaaal careful, agreein’ with Mike P. lol…
To add to what has been said, I too like to hear the solution as well as the problem. Around where I go to meetings, there are an awful lot people without sponsors and it is a pain to listen to those people go on and on. I agree with Mike that if you share more than three minutes no one is listening. In addition the “playing God” deal happens on occasion to me as well and I know I do not have any power over alcohol and it says on page 24 of the Big Book, “The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink…We are without defense against the first drink.” So it is important to keep track of ourselves when it comes to “power” and “control” in our lives for this can take us back out. Good job on the blog Mark!!!!
Well…. AWWWWLLLL RIGHT!!!!
The Lonster Man has arrived!!!
Thanks kiddo, for the compliment
IS THAT REALY HIM???????????/
HEY LONNIE YOU HANSOME DEVIL
Lonnie welcome ,welcome welcome , Maragret says helloooooooooo
Imagine!!! He’s not a ‘puter green pea anymore! laffin’ – gettin’ a stitch, hehehehe