Should I Raise a Southern Gentleman?
May 7, 2009 by Jennifer Walker-Journey
Filed under Parenting
Rick says Truman should be learning to say, “Yes ma’am” and “No sir.” It’s because we live in the South and all well-mannered Southern boys and belles say it. I was raised here but my parents weren’t Southerners, so I wasn’t taught to say such things … which makes it difficult for me to train my child to respond in such a way. It just doesn’t come naturally to me.
Though I tried, this was never me.
When Truman says, “yeah,” when asked a question, I know it makes my in-laws cringe – and probably every other Southerner of their generation. I don’t want my son to grow up with that pressure of feeling like the “bad kid.” Like I did, somewhat. I remember one girlfriend in junior high school telling me when I spent the night at her house that I had to say “yes sir, no ma’am” to her parents or else experience her father’s wrath. I tried very hard…and then I never visited her house again. I’m not sure if I avoided invitations or simply was no longer invited.
At some point I learned that no matter how fussy I was or how much I loved the color pink, I would never be a true Southern belle. It’s taken decades for me to appreciate my land-of-fruit-and-nuts upbringing and that my parents were trying to teach me that I didn’t have to conform. (Though telling a 6-year-old that she didn’t have to pray when the rest of her public school class did sort of threw me for a loop.)
Still, Rick says we’d better start teaching Truman good Southern boy manners now, since he starts school in the fall. I told him I didn’t think it made much of a difference. My teachers never berated me for not saying it. Rick shrugged. It’s just good manners, at least here, where we are raising our son. And don’t I want my son to be like every other kid?
I don’t know. Do I?
Photo, Flickr, Jim Moore
What about holding doors open? That’s another important one in the South, but I guess he’s too small for that just yet.
I hate to say it, but the South is almost like another country sometimes. To fit in, your kid might need to go ahead and say yes ma’am and sir. Otherwise, it could actually hold him back with friends’ parents, jobs and school. Not saying I agree with it, but it’s the reality.
Very interesting. You inspired my Friday 5-8 post!
…and yes, the South is like another country!
You’re never too young too hold open doors. I distinctly remember pre-grade school days holding church doors open well after my family had passed through simply because there were more people passing through.
Although some people outside of the south have negative stereotypes of us, I have never heard of anyone looking disfavorably upon Southern Gentleman. Down here its the right thing (almost expected) outside of the south its a big plus.
Before you ask, yes I am from the South but just know that I’m a true believer in non-conformity myself…..
BUT I have to disagree with your view on this – I hated always being corrected when I was a kid for not saying
Ma’am and Sir but now that I’m older I realize the whole purpose of this silly practice
Is to teach our children respect for adults. It works, truly it does…
And there are so many kids out there nowadays that have NO respect at all
For adults’ at all, I’m willing to try whatever I have to try to keep my
Daughter from becoming one of THAT majority
Very good point. I think Diana (below) suggested a good compromise.
I didn’t teach my kids to say Mam and sir, and I wasn’t from the south. However, I think yeah, makes a kid sound uneduccated and illiterate (my mom was an english professor and my father was a librarian). So I taught them to say Yes, and No and preferrably – Yes please and No thank you.
Yes. I totally agree with you on that! Good point.
I was never raised in the south, however I’ve constantly been teased for sounding like someone from there. But my father raised me to show respect, use phrases like yes ma’am and sir. We never knew an adult’s first name as it was Mr. or Mrs. on occasion we learned their first names if it was a hard last name but we still threw in the Mr. and Mrs., it was the polite thing to do. I dont know maybe it was the military upbringing as well. Either way it stuck with me and you normally get a nice response when you do, I haven’t dealt with many rude comments using manners.
The hubby and myself have been raising the kids the same way. No hitting girls, always open doors for them, wait for the guy to open the door or at least give him the chance to be a gentleman, etc. Always show respect with ma’am, sir, Mrs & Mrs.
I have read some of the comments made on manners and raising children and how they should be ready for lifes journey as the grow up. Manners play a huge part in society when it comes to meeting people, going to school, looking for jobs and also just making friends. The southern bell is a bit much, but when it comes to manners and good home raising or training it is the right thing to do as far as respecting people as a whole. My family taught us that manners are a way of life in this world, if we did’nt say yes mam or no mam or hold the door open for whoever was behind you or even if someone dropped something, let them know they dropped something and etc; all these manners combined or in this area of manners were taught to children as they grew up where I came from. My thing is, the way the world is getting and the way people are turning away from God, it’s gona take manners and much pray to survive in this world, only God can save us in a cruel world we call home, cause money and material things can’t.
Jennifer
As you know, neither Eric nor I grew up in the south so we too have a very hard time with the yes ma’am no sir concept. The good thing about everyone else being southerners or conforming to it is that Cole hass picked it up by osmosis. He knows he doens’t have to say it to us but we hear him saying it to strangers and other parents and it makes up proud.
Of course when we are upset with him and trying to get some respect (read as control) and ask him a question and he only answers wuith a no we promptly say back to him “no what” No sir, he replies! Now that’s more like it!
Your friend and avid reader, Kathy