Should Teens Be Allowed Coed Sleep-overs?
So working moms and dads don’t have enough to worry about — now they have to add co-ed sleepovers to the list?
I’ve mentioned previously that we don’t have children, but here’s how I imagine this conversation taking place:
You are on a business trip, preparing for a big presentation — while you are on the plane (no less) you receive a text message from your 13-year old daughter.
- Daughter Hanna: Can I sleep over Victoria’s house tonight?
- You: Will the parents be there?
- Daughter: Yes
- You: Who else?
- Daughter: Victoria
- You: And who else?
- Daughter: Everyone
- You: Everyone who?
- Daughter: JenniferIsabellaMadisonOliviaAlexisRyanDaniel
- You: Oh…What?! Did You Just Say Ryan and Daniel?
- Daughter: Like, um yesssss.
- You: No Way.
- Daughter: Why? Don’t you trust me? Goddd! You Don’t Trust Anyone Do You!
- You: Yes, I trust you…but you’re too young to go to a sleep over party that includes boys and by the way, I’m on a freaking plane!
This is the trend now a-days…and not only that, some parents are making arrangements for these kids to have sleep-overs at hotels.
Can you believe?
Again, I don’t have children, so what is the right answer?
Whatever happened to 4 girls over someone’s house, watching “Creature Feature”?
Are you kidding? No way! I would never have thought of even asking my parents that, and my girls (4, 2, and 1 at this point) are going to know well before they get to this point not to bother asking because the answer would most definitely be NO. I am already training them in what is appropriate and God-honoring and what is not, and this fits in the category of “NOT”.
Hi Revka,
Thanks for stopping by…and THANK YOU…
Why even put kids in the position of having to deal with these difficult social situations, if we can help it.
Gosh…there’s plenty of other things for them to hate their about, right?
This is absolutely crazy! What, parents have run out of ways to be “hip” or to make their kid the most popular? It’s all about trying to make their child love them because if they say no, it’ll break their hearts. Toughen up parents! Sure they’ll balk at it at first, but you’ll thank yourself 9 months later.
Not to be rude, but I almost completely disagree with your veiws.I am a 13 yr old girl. I have a friend who lives down the street, who I and my parents have known for about 9 years now. When we were about 9 or 10, we had our first sleepover with a friend of ours. Aaron(kid from down the street) slept in my room, and our friend(female) and I slept in the guest room. My parents checked on us frequently. NOTHING HAPPENED FOLKS! About a year later, Aaron and I fell asleep on different couches watching a t.v show. In the morning my father checked on us, and Aaron left when his father came to get him. We were and still are pretty matured(mentally) for our ages. Nothing happened, Aaron and I still hang out on a regular basis and nothing goes on between us ecxept discussions and regular friend type stuff. We have both lived in vegas most of our lives and we grew up fine. But all in all, it really depends on the children involved.
My goodness. Parents can be so naive sometimes. I have heard about these parties and just in case you’re wondering . . . YES, there is sex going on!!!! These kids have these things they dare the other ones to do. These parties are becoming very popular. I’m amazed that parents think they can trust their kids and they wouldn’t do such a thing. It’s amazing the things kids will do when there is some peer pressure involved. Why would a parent want to put their child in such a situation?
Hi Ken…
I’m in your court…I do have a theory about why some of today’s parents are so eager to be friends with their kids..They don’t actually want to grow up!
Hi Karen…
I knew it! lol…
I think some parents think that if they don’t the kid will think they are not to be trusted.
I actually heard one mom on Rachael Ray trying to rationalize why she let’s her daughter go to these things!
I think it’s fine for a child to understand that they AREN’T trusted. My parents used to tell me, “No, we don’t trust you in that situation because we wouldn’t trust ourselves in that situation at your age.” I think that helped me to be honest with myself and admit when a situation might be more than I could really handle. I appreciate their telling me that.
Hi Revka,
Interesting…they were very honest with you…
My parents simply took the militant approach…”NO”. No conversation, no empathy…just NO. lol.
hi guys…
whilst i agree that i wouldn’t let my kids (i don’t have any yet tho) go to this kinda party… i myself did have co-ed sleepovers (with the kids on my road) and there was nothing sexual going on. We were simply all friends. Plus, we all slept in the living room so the parents would’ve known if anything went on…
Hi Becks…
Isn’t it funny how we wouldn’t let our kids do the same things we did?
I knew someone in 8th grade that had sex in her living room while her parents were home.
Anyway, the reason I came back to this post is because I was just on myspace. A teenager I know posted something this weekend. It was about the mom taking her and her boyfriend out last night. She talked about her boyfriend giving her hickeys, them kissing, and then her mom said that he could spend the night one night if it was ok with his mom. My goodness! How naive. Well, maybe she isn’t naive. Maybe she does know what will happen and she is ok with that.
Hi Karen…thanks for coming back…I’m thinking more talking about this subject is a good thing.
That myspace post sounds so disturbing! I wonder if this girl wasn’t reaching out for help in some way by placing the post?
I don’t know. I think the post was intended for her friends. She was pretty much just telling how her date went and how excited she was about it.
I’ve seen some very disturbing things on myspace. Parents really ought to be checking up on their kids.
Oh my gosh…myspace is nothing but a giant mall for kids — with no supervision.
8th grade…I still can’t believe kids are at that level in 8th grade.
Yes, myspace and the mall are great places for kids to get into trouble. In December I went into Hollister for the first time and was disgusted. I had heard some bad stuff about it before. There were some t-shirts in there with really inappropriate messages. There was one particular shirt that said, “Dick’s Hard Down Under” or something like that. And then there was the dressing room. It was unisex and you had to go down a hallway to get to it. There was NO ONE regulating who went in and came out. It was a perfect place for teens to go and make out or have sex. Unbelievable! They’ll never get my money. No worries on that one. Also, in the food court at our mall they have family bathrooms. The mall now has to post a security guard outside because of teens going in there together. NEVER underestimate what teenagers will do.
I don’t know what I would do if I had a teenage kid…yikes!
I know what you mean. My daughter is 3 years old. Of course we don’t talk to her about sex and things like that, but we are already working on a good relationship with her and we are teaching her values. We certainly are doing lots of praying. I actually began praying for my kids years before I had them.
Hi Karen,
Sometimes I think that 3 year olds and puppies have better core values than some adults…LOL
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You’re right about that one.
What do you think of a high school that is sponsoring a coed sleepover at the school? My son is in 7th grade, as a 7th grade fundraiser his school is having a “lock in”. Movies, pizza, and spending the night…in the school. The event is being held to raise funds for a 7th grade class field trip. My son excitedly told me about this event after school today, and is VERY angry with me because I do not approve. I told him he could go, but not spend the night. I’m not happy with the school to have put me in this situation, it hasn’t been a happy evening at my house tonight! I think they could have a party doing all the same things except spending the night. I also think the principle is making a big mistake approving the sleepover, and that they are sending the wrong message to these young people. I have heard about parents wanting to be the “cool parents”. What about a school? I’ve heard of churches having “lock ins” with coed sleepovers, but a school?
Hi Kathy,
Thanks for stopping by…Oh BROTHER! These stories keep getting weirder and weirder…
Is this event being supervised? Is it for some kind of good cause? Has it ever been done before?
You and I need a big ‘ol adult beverage so we can talk about this…OIY!
Kathy: If you want to compromise, then you could consider being a chaperone at the lock-in. I have heard of schools having lock-ins and they were very well chaperoned. Of course, you can never be too careful, so chaperoning might be a good option. Just a thought.
Karen brings up a great option and I have to believe it will be well-chaperoned…but can someone tell what the point of a “lock in” is?
And more to the point, why would kids even want to spend more time than they have to on school property? LOL
LOL The only reason they want to spend more time there is because their friends will be there.
There are many purposes for lock-ins. I’ll share from my expert lock-in experience. LOL
The point of a lock-in is to:
1) see who can stay up the longest
2) see how stupid people start acting when they are sleep deprived
3)see how many lame activities you can cram into those hours
4) play pranks on others that are sleeping
5) have a karoke contest
6) see how awful you feel the next day
7) remind ourselves why we won’t have another lock-in anytime soon
LOL I HATE lock-ins. My husband is a youth pastor and I usually have to tolerate 1-2 lock-ins each year. Thankfully, the kids at this church actually like to sleep at lock-ins.
Karen,
You HAVE to figure out how to turn this into a post for thriftymommy.com…
You know, like a martha stewart type of thing: as in how to do a thrifty “lock-in”.
No disrespect to parents who do not find this to be funny.
Maybe I could do a post about a girl sleepover instead of a lock-in. Although it seems all the middle school girls want to do is take pictures of each other and post them on myspace.
Yes, but use the same list as in your comment here…it’s hysterical.
I live across the street from 2 teenage girls…they like to scream a lot…why is that? LOL
Oh…and sit in the driver’s seat of their father’s car.
Those were just random thoughts from my lock-in experiences. Lock-ins are overrated.
Teenage girls are just silly. I wasn’t a screamer though. In fact, I didn’t do a lot of things that teenagers now (or back then) do, which makes it really hard for me to understand them sometimes.
I think the driver’s seat thing is just dreaming of the day that they finally get their license.
Wow, thanks for answering so quickly! I have been searching the net looking for sound advice concerning co-ed sleepovers. I haven’t seen anything so far where a school has had a “lock in” sleepover, just churches. In my opinion, a church youth group is a bit different than a whole class sleeping at school. The majority of the kids in my sons class have never been to church, and that is one of the reasons I object, because I volunteer so much at school, and I have seen these kids in action. YIKES!
As far as chaperoning goes…At 7th grade orientation in August the principal’s expressed the desire to start a middle school PTO, and asked for volunteers. I was the only parent that stepped up to the plate. Isn’t that sad? One person can’t be an organization, but I help out with events at school whenever I’m asked. I knew that middle school student council wanted to do this fund raiser for a few weeks now,I felt so certain that the principal would not give permission, and was surprised when my son told me the sleepover was what everyone was talking about at school today, so apparently it’s a done deal. I have actually had two occasions to voice my opinion against a sleepover, once when the guidance counselor asked for my opinion, and again a few weeks ago when I helped chaperone a bowling trip. I discussed the possibility of a sleepover with three teacher’s while the kids bowled, they all thought it was a great idea, and couldn’t understand my view against it..Now that I know it’s been approved, I wonder what to do about chaperoning? Normally I would be asked to call parents and arrange chaperones..but if I object, wouldn’t it be wrong for me to ask someone else to do what I object to? And it’s the hardest thing in the world to get someone to bake a dozen cookies, let alone convince them to spend the night at school- and not to sleep all night long! I know three teacher’s that thought it was such a good idea- maybe they would be willing to stay up all night and police a bunch of young teenagers with raging hormones…
There hasn’t been a date set as far as I know, I’ll have to wait to see what plans have been made.
My son just told me he loved me, and gave me a hug before he went to bed. I guess he’s not mad at me anymore. It’s hard to be a teenager-and it’s hard to be a mom too..
Thanks again!
I’ve seen a lot of discouraging behavior from teenagers too. You can tell your son he can go if you chaperone or you can just stand your ground. He might be mad for a little while, but he’ll get over it. Perhaps you could plan something else special with him so that when his friends ask why he’s not going he could say that he was going out of town to see an old friend or something like that. Getting made fun of will make the situation worse.
By the way, I’m not at all surprised at the parental involvement. I’m quite disgusted with what I’ve seen in recent years. I’m a teacher and I can only think of two adults that have ever volunteered to do anything for my class.
I think Karen, Kathy and Char over at wearyparent.com could write a terrific post about all of this…my head is spinning…LOL
Kim: Have you heard of a rainbow party?
Yes…unfortunately I have. I think Oprah did a show about this a few years back.
My husband and I were just the other night talking about how much today’s parent’s have to keep up with.
No, I have not heard of a “Rainbow Party”, the name suggests something wonderful…but, considering Kim’s response, I guess it’s not something nice. What is a “Rainbow Party”?
Hi Kathy…thanks for stopping by…if you look it up on Wikpedia, you’ll find a description.
I’ll give you a hint…there are body parts involved.
Hello Ladies! Im certainly not ur age but I’d like some advice. I am fourteen years old and theres this boy I like who is 4.5 years older than me. We really like each other but I’m afraid of people critizning me. I mean, I know I wouldn’t do anything stupid as sexual intercourse and I know that he wouldnt expect that from me due to my age. I dont know..I’M confused.HELP!
Hi Lizzie, so glad you stopped by?
This is a tough one for me, as you suggest, it’s been billions of years since I’ve dated.
4.5 years seems to be quite a large age difference…
I’m wondering if there is a family or clergy or guidance counselor, in other words another adult who knows you very well…who can help you think this through with sensitivity and sound advice?
Dear Lizzie,
You already have the correct answers,I could see it in the words that you wrote! The hard part is following through and doing what you know is right! Re-read what you wrote, your concerns are, age difference, sexual involvement, people being critical… I think your instincts are that such a relationship wouldn’t be a good thing, so go with your gut feelings…if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t! It’s very flattering when your 14, and an older guy shows interest in you. The guys your own age probably don’t seem as interesting as the older guy, but stick with your own age group,I promise you that you will be glad that you did.
Funny thing about aging, when your a teenager time can’t pass quickly enough. But, when your an adult, you wish time wouldn’t pass so quickly! Sometimes, when I’m trying to figure out other people and what their intentions might be, I put myself in their place…you know what I mean? For instance, pretend that YOU are the 19 year old boy, why would you want to hang around with a young lady 4 1/2 years younger than you?
It’s really hard to be a teenager, I remember it well, and I wish I had made better decisions when I was your age, I hate living with regrets…
Treat yourself well…
Lizzie: I agree with Kathy. I think deep down inside you know what WILL BE expected of you. My husband is a youth pastor. I can’t begin to tell you the statistics we’ve read about teens and sex. I hope I get this statistic right, but seems like I read something that says – If a girl dates someone 2 or more years older than her than she is 80% more likely to have sex. The percentage could have been 800%. I’d have to ask my husband. When I was in high school I dated a guy that was 5 years older than me. I wish I never would have done that. He tried to pressure me into having sex all the time. I finally told him to hit the road. Lizzie you have so much of your life to live. I hope and pray that you will make the right choice. I can assure you that guys have sex on the brain almost all day long. Let me give you a really good website to visit.
http://www.askhayley.com
Thanks Kathy…your wisdom is enlightening.
Best of luck Lizzie and let us know how things turn out.
Thanks Karen,
If I were a Lizzie’s age and had read your comment, I would definitely take it to heart.
my daughter is a responsable christian girl and most of her friends are guys so she is having a coed camp out we will have a tent of the guys a tent for the girls and a tent between them for me and her father and a couple other parents i think that it is ok as long as you know the kids and i know all the kids comming and they are all responsable teenages that have all known each other when they were 4 and five so i have no problem
First: If a teen WANTS to have sex with his/her gf/bf, he WILL. However hard you may try to stop him, he’s gonna find a way.
But all this talk about sex at co-ed sleepovers and such I don’t get. All the teens I know (and since I’m 18 I know a few) that’ve had sex only did it in a loving relationship. Non of them regret it. Their parents know. No one got pregnant.
At these sleepovers there might be something like truth or dare and maybe some kids will kiss, but probably not.
Then again, maybe I just know responsible, intelligent, trusted teens and all these other kids I keep reading about are idiots.