Sleep, Baby, Sleep

Many parents have difficulties getting their children to sleep but adopted children come with their own host of problems. Parents are often bleary-eyed, caffeine jittered, desperate balls of nerves. Or, at least I was. And ALL I wanted was some respite and a good night’s sleep.

I asked everyone I knew to let me into their parenting club…to reveal their sleep secrets and their tricks to the sleep trade and some did…others just told me to “wait it out” or Ferberize him because he’ll eventually come around and get used to it. Well, adoptive parents, it just does not work that way in our line of parenting.

Unfortunately we can’t follow the “normal” parenting rules when it comes to sleep because night time is when our children can be the most vulnerable and scared.

So, what are the basics? Well, all children need help learning to fall asleep, stay asleep, and learning to self soothe if they wake during the night, as we won’t always be there for them.

Some Helpful Tips from the Experts

1. Set a Bedtime and Keep it: The key things that parents can do to help their children get to sleep is to have a set bedtime (preferably between 7:30 and 8:30), a consistent and soothing bedtime routine, and have their child fall asleep on his/her own. Respectfully, I don’t agree with this portion of Dr. Jodi Mindell’s advice because so many of our children have separation anxiety, nighttime trauma, or grief. However, using pictures like Susan Ward did can be a tremendous help in establishing routines early on.

2. Co-Sleep

3. Sleep in the child’s room if you want to keep the child in a crib (on a mattress) or move the crib into your bedroom so that it is next to your bedroom.

4. Build healthy sleep habits. ie: Don’t start bad habits like getting in the car and driving your child around unless you want to be doing this for the next 10 years.

5. If your toddler or older child is still waking for night feedings make sure to give them a protein snack before bed.

6. If your child suffers from Sensory Integration Dysfunction, use items like weighted blankets, tight fitted pajamas, tagless clothing, soft (not scratchy) blankets, vibrating stuffed animals for calming, heated animals, and white noise. Additionally, make sure children with SPD get enough exercise during the day but are able to calm before bed.

7. If waking in the night is the issue experts say to help them learn to self soothe by speaking calming to them but do not move them or touch them. We used to rock AJ back to sleep (Once he learned to tolerate the rocking motion) and he learned to associate this with falling asleep and would NEED this to fall asleep. However, contrary to this, very newly adopted children NEED to know that their needs will always be met and need to know that you will come to them when they cry or call for you. So go…and comfort them. Use your instincts. If your child reaches to you and wants to me held, hold him.

8. Adjust lighting. Many children from institutions like AJ’s have Post Traumatic Stress (like AJ does) and have fears of lights or shadows or the dark. AJ is a little finicky in that he fluctuates between light and dark. He does not like a night light on but sleeps only in pure darkness during the day. At night he wants the hall light on but will wake in the morning at the first peek of light. I think some of it comes from the issue of the White Nights he experienced in Arkhangelsk and the heavy black-out shades they used.

9. Don’t rule out medications, doctors, or attachment therapists to help you. We have used all three with AJ and all three have helped. And, don’t be scared to seek treatment when you know you are facing a problem. The sooner you get help the better everyone in the house sleeps and the better everyone functions.