Someone invent hormone therapy for teens – Please !?!

You know the situation with raging hormones is pretty darned bad when you begin wondering if spiking your kids drinks with over-the-counter menopausal treatments would minimize his constant focus on sex!

Have I mentioned just how much I love cell phones? Especially when the kids think it’s so fun to record themselves and then I happen to uncover those recordings a week or so down the road.

Yesterday I uncovered a recording of our aspiring singer/musician. It seems he’s taken to writing love ballads about his white trash girlfriend. The song started off kinda sweet but then goes off into this sort of raspy chorus that details how he wanted to F his girlfriend and how his girlfriend wants to F him. Let me tell you, this song was nothing above vocal porn that would be rejected by the music rating system – seriously.

My jaw dropped at the very moment my blood pressure shot up. Pretty neat trick actually – I’ve always been SO good at multitasking – even when it comes to blowing my cool.

The kid is ONLY 14-years-old. He should still be thinking about bikes and sports and girls from a distance for crying out loud.

After pondering how to handle this whole ordeal I came up with the perfect reaction/response or whatever you call it —

The kid wants a guitar desperately. He’s asked his grandparents for one repeatedly and they’ve told him they may come through for Christmas. Well, I told the kid that just to show the grandparents just. how. much. he. needs. that. guitar – we’d let grandma in on his budding talent. The next time grandma comes over, he must take the recording I have saved for nothing other than blackmail purposes and play it for his grandmother.

This will place him in the position of having to explain just what the hell he was doing, what he was thinking (or wasn’t thinking) and make him sweat in a way that I never could.

When his dad woke up, I told his dad he should have the boy go get the borrowed guitar and play him the new song he wrote – that made him very uncomfortable and while he refused to do it – it was good practice warming up for grandma’s visit.

So, think that’s a good one?

I can hardly wait – seriously! *Insert evil laughter here* It’s times like this that make me glad to be in touch with my white trash parenting side.