Space… The Final Frontier

If you’re like me, then you probably love being around your spouse. I’m a naturally curious person anyway, but I have an extra infatuation of sorts with Kerri. Since we’re married - and to each other even! - I generally consider that a good thing. But it is, in fact, possible to have too much of a good thing.

One of my favorite questions is “Whatchya doin’?” followed closely by “Whereya goin’?” and “Whadya got?” I have realized over the years that this gets on Kerri’s nerves occasionally, though she is patient enough to endure and answer most times. Our kids, of course, are the ones who taught me that this is annoying. The master mimics that they are, I am hounded by a chorus of questions wherever I go, “Doin?” and “What’s that, daddy?” to name just two. Not that I have managed to change my own behavior much; I am just more aware of the irritation I put Kerri through. She really is a saint.

Which I suppose allows me to get on with my point: Despite being best friends and - dare I say - lovers and all that stuff, even we need a little personal space and a little privacy from one another. We make a pretty good husband and wife, but I think we’d tear each other’s hair out as conjoined twins… well, I’d tear her hair out. Don’t know what she’d do.

Space isn’t the same as distance. Space is temporary; it is about having time and opportunity to unwind, to process, to evaluate, to relax. Like a deep breath that expands the lungs, there is the expectation that the space will be closed again, and soon. The breath of space is always exhaled, and the result is a closer relationship.

Distance, on the other hand, is not about renewal and re-commitment. Distance inserts a wall into the space between two people, so that the gap cannot be readily closed and the relationship cannot be rejoined. Distance may be necessary if trust has been broken, but in the ordinary course of things distance actually breaks down trust.

So give your spouse some space; it may not even be about you. Right now, for example, Kerri is out with a couple girlfriends decompressing after an mentally exhausting day organizing downstairs. Space is necessary even when your relationship is solid. In fact, a little space may be just what you need. You know what they say… “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Now go kick your spouse out of the house for a while so that you get the opportunity to miss them a little. I’ve gotta run… Kerri just walked in, and I need to find out what she’s been doin’!

images: stencil | abstract