Speak: “The smartest thing …”

Image by Photo by Me-Liss-A (flickr.com)

This question posted to the forums: “What’s the smartest thing anyone ever said to you about your autistic child?”

Said one respondent who’s 3-year-old daughter was diagnosed two years ago, “She is progessing well and although she still shows signs of autism on a daily basis, my wife and I sometimes question the early diagnoses.  With that said, someone once told us that whether it is autism or not, she still has some developemental issues which need to be addressed.  ‘Concentrate on those things as opposed to getting all hung up on the bigger autism diagnoses.’  This comment helped us do just that and feel as though it provided a bit more focuse on her treatment moving forward.”

“Once our now-17 year-old son was diagnosed with autism one of the doctors who saw him said that if he wanted to do something, he would do it,” said another. “The secret was in motivating him to want to do it. I never forgot that and it was so true. It may sound trite, however, I was coming from a place in my mind that said you can’t reach
people with autism (and I) learned that oh yes you can!”

Another was once at an autism conference with a fabulous keynote speaker.  “She was an ABA specialist and author and had worked with numerous kids over the years.  She said that every time we take our kids out in public we need to remember all the eyes that are watching us.  Not in a negative way, like we’d better be perfect in all we do or else.  But she said that sometimes it’s more important to consider the impact and impressions we leave on others than to work on every single behavior our kid is exhibiting.  As people see us, they see how we value our child; how we respect him
as an individual and his inherent worth to us and society.  As others see how we value him, that directly affects how they see people with autism and disabilities in general. I try to be more aware of my interactions with my son in public, not just for his benefit, but also to teach others around us. For example, if he’s noisy or having a hard time staying calm somewhere, I normally try to speak to him calmly to defuse things.  In public, I also try to narrate and
explain his feelings and the reasons for the behaviors, allowing others to overhear so they can understand.  Hopefully, the next time the other people near us see someone in a similar situation, they would remember and understand, say, that maybe he’s just tired today or he’s feeling a bit stressed.  It’s better than just seeing
someone that seems strange and maybe a bit scary and not knowing why.”

And the smartest thing said to this respondent: “‘So, now you know. Make the best of your knowledge.  It is a blessing if you treat it as such.’”

My own smart comment came from a doctor, said to Jill way back in the hospital when Alex was just a year old: “‘Life isn’t a matter of having a good hand. It’s a matter of playing well the cards you’re dealt.’”

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LinkedIn’s groups are excellent places to pick up advice and contacts professional and otherwise. I’m a member of Autism Advocates, Linked to Autism, Autism Speaks, Parents With Patience, Autism Advocacy, Special Education Innovators, and Special Olympics, among others.