Speak

I asked a forum, “If you could say one thing to your relatives about your autistic child, what would it be?”

“Do not be afraid,” said one respondent. “Do not feel sorry for us or our child. He is the greatest gift/blessing we could ever have in our lives. We are happy we were chosen to care for this person.”

Photo by Me-Liss-A (flickr.com)

“Have empathy,” said another. ”Please help!” said a third. “It isn’t just hype,” said another.
“You got one hell of a nerve complaining about your life in my presence!” was another reply. ”You don’t know ‘tired,’  you don’t know ’stress,’ you don’t know heartache, you don’t know ‘my house is such a mess,’ you don’t know ‘I need a holiday’ like I do…. and what you do know of it will be over when your kids turn 18.  Ask me on another day and hopefully that chip on my shoulder won’t be so heavy.  Not fair, I know.  Everything is relative.”

One respondent with a spouse and child with Asperger’s said, “Aspies don’t handle stress or the typical ups and downs of family life easily, and it can be really tough at times. Understand how difficult (as well as rewarding) life can be for the NT spouse and show some understanding, compassion and acceptance.” And to that NT spouse’s  mother-in-law: “Please stop blaming me and harping on me when my spouse wants to sit in the corner and play video games all evening instead of socializing at family gatherings. No, I didn’t do anything to upset them, and no, we aren’t fighting. They just feel uncomfortable around groups of people. Let them do their own thing instead of forcing them to be what you want them to be. Stop pretending that they’re normal and acting as if I’ve somehow caused them to be this way through some inadequacy of my own.”

I think in my next life I might be the relative of an autistic child of someone else’s, if there’s any balance in the universe. What would I like to hear? How about, “Thank you for all of your support!” which came from one respondent.

And to head off Aunt Julie’s certain question — “So what would you like to say  to YOUR relatives?” I would say, “Thank you for chasing him.” Nah, that’s no good. I’d say, “Thanks for the week of babysitting! We had a great time in London!!”