Stalking the Elusive “O” Part Four

I always have to be extremely careful what I say in my first sentence.  Why? Simple…because the first hundred or so characters will show up on Facebook and there are kids that are linked to me on Facebook..including my own!

How sexy do you feel? Right now, right this minute.  If you were a fictional character which one would you be?

How we see ourselves as women has a huge impact on our ability to enjoy sex.  Whether this sounds sexist or not, woman were created to enjoy being admired and desired.  NOT on a magazine cover… but by thier husbands.  Whether you want to agree or not, one of the basic need of a woman is to be cherished and desired.  That comes before achievemnet in any other area.

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==0  ==============0 Ha..missed me with that tomato.  =========0   ====0

Some men seem to be naturally good at knowing what to say and how to say it. Some are not.  I know many women who are not who they really could be because their husbands are unable to convey to them that they are cherished and desired.

My spiritual Mom, who is also my pastor’s wife, conveys to all that she is cherished and desired.  She glows.  You just know if you said something unkind to her her husband (who also happens to be the pastor) would flatten you.  She is a brilliant, independent, beautiful woman….but her husband takes very good care of her.  She has always driven nice cars, worn nice clothing, and had the look of someone who was… O.k..parden the analogy here but this is the only way I can say it…She is a lap dog while other women are hunting dogs, or guard dogs or whatever.   She is cherished and taken care of.She is secure in who she is..I think she has been allowed to feel that she is the perfect match for him in every way.

When women are secure they are free to be sensual.  They have to know that they are the top pick for their husband, that there isn’t be anyone else that he finds more attractive….This would include men gawking at Sports Illustrated Models and Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

Sensuality and sexuality, for most women, grows in the safety of a secure relationship that loves her for who and what she is.  And this is where the problem often comes in.

Many women feel that since their libidos don’t match thier husband’s  that they are not loved for who they are… Too many people look at their low libido and say,”This is how I was made”.

Sorry..I don’t buy that. That, too me, is like an anorexic saying “I was made this way, I just don’t enjoy food”.

Let’s call it sexual suppression. These are the problems that i have identified..I am sure there are more.

• Hurt
• Bitterness
• Unforgiveness
• Cultural ideas that should be let go
• Resentment
• Depression
• Anger
• Stress
• Poor Health
• Poor nutrition
• Ignorance
• Fear
• Unwillingness to change

I can put on my Mrs. Santa Outfit, thigh high patent leather stilletto boots, and walk into the office and if Marc chooses not to respond there is nothing I can do about it.  If he chooses to respond, but feels awkward or afraid because of things in his past then we can work together to find a solution as long as he is open and honest.  In o ther words, rather than asking yourself “why should I?” Begin to ask yourself “Why SHOULDN’T I?”

In the first scenario I leave the room crying because I feel awkward and ugly..he has recreated his own inhibitions in me…in the second scenario he might find that I have recreated some of my sensuality in him.

While he finds my sexuality overwhelming…I find his lack of it demeaning.   And that is the challenge that we work around 24/7.  We are in a particularly difficult bit right now.

My point is that as long as your see your low libido as normal and o.k. then you won;t get past it. It won’t be until you want something more enough to change that it will, in fact, change….not overnight, but over time.

People with low libidos tend not to be risk takers, they tend to like ruts and comfort and predictability.

People can die from predictability.

Decide who you want to be and work on believing that you are that person.  Sexy, self assured, delightfully unique…

Find words to describe who you want to be..and write them down. read them…pray about them…become them… and face those inner things that you need to face.  If your relationship with your spouse is stunted every other thing you do will be affected you will never be the person you have the potential to be.  Don;t mistake a habit for a character trait.  Don;t mistake an inhibition or fear for human chemical structure.

Image: Morguefile