Stalking the Elusive “O” Part Two

All right..if you lived through part one of this series then part two will be ….easy..sort of.  And this it primarily for women.

Sadly, many women have no clue how their physical body works sexually.  So, the first thing we are going to do is have an anatomy lesson.

Female Sexual Anatomy

•  Labia (major and minor)- the folds of skin that surround the vagina and run up to where the clitoris is.
• Clitoris- this is the small (or not so small) bump at the top of your labia. This acts in a similar way as the penis, becoming larger and filled with blood during arousal..it is made from the same sensitive tissue.
• Vagina- this is the opening where intercourse occurs, menstrual blood comes out, and babies enter the world…Rather a busy place.  It  has the potential to expand and contract as needed.  The major nerves are in the first couple of inches.
• G Spot- this is a gland, similar to the prostate on the male.  It is about the size of a quarter and you can feel it as a rough patch about 2 inches inside the vagina against the bladder side of the vaginal wall.  When you are aroused it can fill with fluid and become larger.  Sometimes that fluid is released during orgasm.  It is not urine, although it is fluid like urine.
• If you are very visual there are medical drawings from Gray’s Anatomy here

For the most part these are the areas of sensitivity that will ultimately result in orgasm in women.  Some women can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone, some women are very aroused by anal stimulation.  You can probably figure that out on your own. We are primarily discussion the vulva.

Get a mirror and arrange yourself and the mirror so you can get a good look at what you have been blessed with.

When a woman is aroused her labia will swell, as will the clitoris.  Depending on her age, her hormone levels, the time of the month, and her individual body there will be an increase of mucus to lube the vagina..this does not mean that she is very aroused (if wet) or not aroused (if dry-ish).   Again, it depends on the individual.  Many women, especially as they get older, need lube.  I suggest organic, virgin coconut oil unless you are using latex.

Women have three types of orgasms.

1. Clitoral-emanating primarily from the clitoris
2. Vaginal- emanating primarily from the vagina
3. Combination where both areas are involved.

One orgasm is not necessarily superior to the other, and “squirting” which is the release of fluid from the G spot area (sometimes copious amounts) does not mean anything either. Any orgasm is fantastic.  Focusing on one type or another is not helpful.  An orgasm occurs when the uterus pulls up and there is a cycle of pleasurable muscle spasms that last for a few seconds up to a couple of minutes.  Women can have numerous orgasms in a short period of time..men generally need a bit of time to recoup…as they get older this can take anywhere form a few hours to a few days..or more.

There are a number of ways to achieve an orgasm.  Again, there is not one “right” way.  Many women cannot have orgasms from intercourse alone because there is not enough stimulation of the clitoris.  There are various positions that can help with this..google CAT position, or Coital Alignment Technique.  This allows the most stimulation during intercourse.

Since many women have difficulty in reaching orgasm during intercourse the NICE thing for you guys to do is to make sure she reaches orgasm before you penetrate.  This can help a lot if your wife is having pain with penetration because she will be very relaxed and lubed up.  The basic ways to achieve this are:

• Stimulation of the clitoris with the fingers (gently!!!!!!!!!!!)
• Stimulation of the clitoris with the tongue (usually a better choice)
• Stimulation of the clitoris with a vibrator (also a good choice…gently!)

There is a book that Amazon carries called “She Comes First”.  Guys, if you are unsure of yourself when dealing with your wife’s anatomy I highly suggest that book.  I have read parts of it, although not all of it, and it seems very on target.

Women need to know what it takes to create the best possibility of an orgasm and that means exploring your body yourself, in private.  Use your fingers, or use a vibrator if you are more comfortable with that.  Lots of women do have more success with a vibrator.

If it is your first time with one choose something made for external use..like a bullet vibe.  Amazon has them and you can order what you like and have it delivered rather than going into a shop…You do not have to buy a vibrator that looks like a foot long purple penis unless you really want to.

It may be hard to get past the idea that somehow you are being bad or dirty.  You may have some feelings of anxiety, or whatever…  I don’t think anyone should do anything that makes them feel dirty or wrong but I do think that we need to shake off the unhealthy viewpoints that we have picked up or been taught and have a healthy outlook on sex…Men and women.

Masturbation is an important way to get to know your body.  How are you going to tell your spouse what feels good and what will bring you to orgasm if you don’t know yourself?

Think about what you are feeling, what is working for you, what is not. Use some coconut oil for lube and don’t try for an orgasm.  You are looking for your body’s triggers, what it likes..what it doesn’t.  You may need to try different positions, or you may need to have your leg muscles tensed, or you may need to kegel…If you have an O  that is great! But don’t put pressure on you for that.  You are exploring.  Learning.  Experimenting.

If you are one of the guys that also has trouble in this area (and there are some) I suggest that you do the same thing.  If you don’t masturbate, or it is very rare that you do,  then you may not be getting all you can out of your sexual experience.  A caveat here..if you are one of those guys that spends an hour in the bathroom with your hand (or a handy dandy silicone vagina) and a penthouse do NOT ..I repeat DO NOT take this as a stamp of approval on what you are doing.  Totally different stuff, Bonzo. No wonder your wife is having a hard time.

Let me put it this way.  You get a new car.  You put the key in the ignition and it goes.  But if you never play with the buttons you won’ t know about the sliding moon roof, the automatic windows, and the heated seats, capiche?  And what if you have been blessed with a modern day chitty chitty bang bang? How will you know it flies unless you pull the knob?

Being uninformed is not spiritual, virtuous or anything else..it is just ignorant.  There is not one thing wrong with good, healthy research.  Know how your body works.  Be able to share that knowledge with your spouse.

Last time I told you to talk openly with your spouse…This time..spend some time with yourself.

Questions?

More later…

image:morguefile