Sticky Situations – Why Can’t I Go To My Friend’s House
I am looking for some insight. My daughter has a friend at school who is dealing with a really tough family situation. This little girl is very sweet, has been to our house before and she has come with us to ice skate and such, but I will not let my daughter go to her house.
How do you explain to your child that while their friend is always welcome at your house, she will never go to the friend’s house or go anywhere with them? I don’t feel comfortable explaining to my daughter why she can’t go to her friend’s house – kids repeat entirely too much and I have information about the situation that I don’t need her sharing with others.
I want to be respectful to everyone involved, but my child’s well being comes first. Anyone have any suggestions?
Sometimes short and sweet is easier. Something like “I feel more comfortable keeping an eye on you two here”. Or, little white lies are not bad in this situation…you know, “I have a lot to do around the house today and I could sure use 4 hands…why don’t you invite her here and you could help me bake or sort through the old toys,” etc.
Wow, you have a tough one here. My hunch is that sometime in the not-so-distant future the conversation is going to come up, resulting in an unpleasant situation. Try honesty (with your child), sharing your concerns and why you have them.
“I wish we could let you go there, sweetie, but we really can’t.” “Why?” “Grown-up things. Sorry. But remember, you can always have her come here; possibly for a sleepover. Okay?”
Pickel – Your first suggestion is a common statement around here already. The kids friends are always welcome here, but I have to really know the family before they can go there.
Joe – I have tried to be honest without divulging details. I don’t have a problem with my daughter knowing the details, but I can’t trust her to keep them to herself. The temptation to share them with her friends is too great and I don’t want to be the source of a rumor or making her friend’s life any more difficult than it already is.
Bill – I think I like your answer best.
Agree with Bill.
I like Bill’s answer as well. Kids have a hard time keeping quite. I have already experienced that with my 10 year both coming from her & also things coming from her friends.
“Grown up things” is a fairly common phrase from me too, especially if my daughter asks me a question I don’t think she’s ready to hear the answer to. She doesn’t like to hear it because she thinks she’s 30 instead of 11, but it usually ends the conversation pretty quickly.