Stop Making Excuses and Show Some Effort
November 17, 2008 by Michelle Smith
Filed under Relationships
Another step toward fulfillment of The Mission and it fits in very well with Lara’s post today about resetting your style. It’s funny, how well the posts fit, too, because I didn’t read Lara’s until after I wrote mine. We seem both ready to make some changes in ourselves and our lives. Is anyone else out there feeling that way? Do you think it has to do with the season or some end of the year getting it all in order-type thing? If you are making some changes, please share them with us in the comments section. Thanks!
Anyway……..this weekend, I found this article, “What Men Really Think of Your Body.”
The writer is saying that men are attracted to women who make an effort with their appearance. He said that men like an hour glass shape – they are looking for someone who looks healthy, not necessarily skinny. He said that men appreciate a bit of style in terms of dress and that doesn’t mean fancy or expensive. I other words, don’t go out to run errands in your pjs and slippers. Sounds pretty basic, right?
He’s not saying you need to weigh this much and you have to wear the latest trendy clothes, etc. Just show that you make an effort and have some self respect.
To me, this sounds very rational. If you are looking to attract someone, show that you care about yourself first. Well, the women let him have it in the comments with things like the following, please excuse the bad grammar, it is not mine:
How about what women prefer? I am single (by default widowed) 45 fit, and take good care of myself. I see men at the beach with disgusting back hair 2inches thick chest hair that’s waving like old glory in the wind>> HELLO ever heard of clippers? Why is that men don’t realize women care if you have disgusting ear hair> long nose hairs> back rugs> it’s called grooming! We do it and you should too!
Or
Not “some mega-complicated routine that has to consume hours of time?” I appreciate the intention of that thought. However, do you know how long how it takes to keep our hands soft and cared for and our hair styled, even if its not mega-trendy? And that “put together” look you can’t define that you described in that mom’s outfit- you have no idea how long that probably took: hours of shopping for flattering cloths and trying on outfits at home to see what works together. How many lipsticks bought to find the one that looks “nice” on that woman, and probably went with her scarf, giving her that “together” look? I think that many men should consider that, just the way they can’t define what makes someone look stylish or put together, they are probably not aware how many hours can go into even the simplest-looking flattering outfit, even without rhinestones on the fingernails.
Or
I am so sick of hearing about what men want from women, how we should dress, what our body should look like. I couldn’t possibly care any less what a man wants from me. I already know men want women to be helpless, and that is too bad. Give me the opportunity and I’ll give you things us girls like and do NOT like about men.
Do you see a theme here? We are talking about love, not war here. This is not a them vs. us situation. We want men to love us warts and all. Okay, I get that, but we expect men to take care of themselves, don’t we? Nothing excessive, general grooming and clothes from the current decade are probably enough for most women. Many women enjoy the sight of a great six pack, but we don’t all require the men we date to have one, right? Well, men don’t require the body of Pamela Anderson on their dates, either. Do not put words in their mouths or their articles.
Stop being offended and making excuses. Wearing something other than another ponytail is not going to kill anyone or make them late for work. And if it does, set your alarm for earlier. If you want to meet someone, you are going to have to be a little flexible and realize that nothing is handed to you, everything requires a bit of effort.
Or go ahead, keep making those excuses, but don’t be surprised if you continue spending your weekends at home, complaining to your girlfriends about how their are no good men available. They are out there, probably sitting across the table from the woman who took the time to put some lipstick on. Stop being so angry and resistant. I think it is another layer of armor, another way to shield yourself so that you do not get hurt. If you are going to do this thing, seek a partner, then do it and stop setting up roadblocks for yourself.
Also, as someone who was raised by a man with a hairy back, I have to say, give these guys a break. They don’t love it either, but it’s only hair and it’s not that easy to reach. Men get hairy as they get older, learn to live with it, or avoid men.
There, now that was a bit of tough love for you. What do you think? Do you insist on sweats or else?
I just saw an interesting little article on Yahoo! It was written by a guy and mentioned the four little things he notices most about women: hands, hair, how she treats others, and the little things she pays attention to. His point was it’s the little things that create beauty, and it’s from the little things that you can learn a lot about a person. I thought it was an interesting read.
It also made me think I need to stop chewing my finger nails so that I have pretty hands.
Thanks for the heads up, Heather. I will look for that. I look at hands, too. I can still see my ex-husbands hands, in my memories. And Steve’s, they are there, too. He has nice hands. My husband had a tattoo, right on the side.
I was talking to one of my students about biting her nails. I told her to try wearing gloves whenever she can. If she can’t get to them, she’ll hopefully lose the habit. I used to be a big nail biter, but I can’t remember how I quit. I probably substituted one thing for another. Do you knit or crochet? Keeping your hands busy will help.