Summer Struggles III: Living with a Child With Special Needs
Unfortunately, our struggles this summer have not been just focused on the dog or the cat. I have also been struggling with AJ and at this point I am at a loss…I just don’t know how to discipline him, redirect him, or even deal with him. I absolutely hate to say it but some days my patience is very thin.
Living with a child with special needs like AJ means living with a child who has no cause and effect, no conscience, no sense of consequence. He also has no short term memory, has the attention span of a gnat, and when he gets stressed out will either laugh at you or scream at you. So, trying to teach him to follow the rules of the house is almost like talking to a wall.
Don’t get me wrong, my son is very sweet but when he wants to do something he will do it…no matter what. His impulse control comes first no matter what. If he thinks it he does it. But, what is interesting is that this has become even more prominent lately.
He used to be able to control it more and stop himself from doing the action. ie: he use to be able to ask when he wanted something, I could answer him, and he would respond appropriately. Now he asks, responds the way he wants no matter what I say…even when I am in the middle of responding.
Our big struggle right now is that he is fascinated with throwing things into the air and into the ceiling fan. It does not matter what we do or what we say he does it. Consequences do not even enter his mind when he escapes to his room to throw things into the fan. For example, I asked him to go get his chips this afternoon and he escaped upstairs to throw things into the fan. He was gone less than 2 minutes.
Time-outs are not working, taking away privileges don’t even register, rewards don’t work with him because they are delayed.
Any suggestions?
Was AJ diagnosed with FAS? We wanted to get our oldest tested. We were looking into Dr. Chasnoff (sp) in Chicago.
AJ was diagnosed with ARND about 2.5 years ago. We saw Dr. Gahagan at the University of Michigan.
I would highly recommend the Research Triangle in Chicago for FAS testing. Have you heard of that one?
Oh dear, how difficult for you. I’m not surprised you sometimes feel short of patience!
You said he used to be able to control things better – what changed? I don’t know how old he is, but is this behaviour due to the effect of the syndrome combining with normal-for-age behaviour to make it worse than usual?
See, Lucy, that is the thing…I am not sure. He started a new medication about 3 months ago and did great for the first two months and now is showing more impulsiveness and hyperactivity. Both are signs for FAS though. He probably also has ADHD too. Combine that with his intense need for stimulation and we have a very active child with no sense of cause/effect, no short term memory, and no sense of consequence.
I don’t know how to discipline him anymore because he does not care.
Marcie, I’m just catching up on your blog (great stuff). A friend of mine adopted a child with FAS and has had some success using something called “The Nurtured Heart Approach”. I know she has a book. I can ask her for more details if you’d like.
I wish I had something more concrete for you.
We struggle, too. We have two children with FASD and it has been a rough summer. We use the Nurtured Heart Approach and a lot of other strategies that I share on my blog but some days are still so exhausting and frustrating. I hope it helps to know that you aren’t alone! ~Kari
That sucks. Can you get respite care for him maybe once a week through some kind of local non-profit? That’s probably one of the things that would help you with him–if you had some time off from his misbehavior.