Sunday Morning Struggles?
For those of you who attend church, I have to ask if it is only our family that has a hard time getting there. My older kids complain about how boring it is. The younger ones just make getting ready a very unpleasant experience. We usually end up pulling into the church parking lot in horrible spirits. After the mass is over and we’ve survived one more Sunday, we are glad that we went. I have noticed, however, that since we’ve had kids, I feel a lot less spiritually fed after the mass ends. Maybe it is because I’m so busy making sure that the kids are behaving, that I do not get to focus my heart and listen to His words. I’m starting to wonder if God is up there asking, “Why does Kadi even go to church?” I’ve heard that the morning struggle gets worse as the kids become teens. If that is the case, I will drag them on Sunday and then attend by myself later in the week, just to get some spiritual food. I tell ya…at this rate, a girl could starve!
I often have similar struggles. Our church is about 45 minutes away from our house, which makes it a bit of a project. Here are some things that work for us:
- Relaxation of some rules. For instance, Sunday is the one day of the week the kids do not have to make their beds around here.
- Organization. I get my choir music, the kids’ clothes, the coffee maker, and anything we need for Sunday school ready the night before.
- Non fattening bribery. To get to our church, we can either drive all the way, drive part way and take one subway, or drive to another location and take a different subway. The kids are train nuts. If they behave, they get to pick the route we take.
- After church rewards. If my kids behave, we get donuts after church. They never, ever get donuts any other time. And they know that the donut privilege can be revoked for infractions.
- Get them involved. If I can put them to work at church, I do. They can help pick up stray bulletins, carry my choir music, help put away music stands, help pass out snacks for Sunday school, etc. The more they are involved, the less time they have to misbehave.
Finally, they know that church is nonnegotiable. They can whine, fuss, and kick all they want, but unless we are out of town or someone is sick, we are going. At least one of the two has resigned himself to this fate. It also helps to go to a church that is fairly relaxed, and has a lot of other kids, behaving as bad or worse than mine!
The Catholic church doesn’t have a nursery does it? There’s no way!
Our Catholic church does have babysitting during one mass. We have never used it. My reasoning is, that if the kids fuss, and they get sent to a room full of toys, they will figure out pretty quick that they should fuss! One hour is not an unreasonable amount of time to expect a little one to be reasonably behaved.
Now, we don’t expect them to be unmoving and silent as the grave. We did bring small snacks and quiet toys for them when they were toddlers. This is pretty common in my church, so no one minds. The congregation is also fairly tolerant of whispers, baby noises, etc. In return, we parents are expected to take screaming kids out of the sanctuary until they calm down.
I figure the Catholics can’t really be pro-life AND anti-child. If they want us to go forth and multiply, they need to put up with kids somewhat.
I just don’t think I would get anything out of the service if I had to wrestle and coral my two-yr-old the whole time.. I like to really get something from a church service, I need to be still and quiet and focused.. otherwise what is the point? Appearances? We used to make our 5 year old come with us for services, but now they offer children’s church and he loves it. He gets a message on his level and I get to enjoy one on mine.
But we’re all different – Kadi, I think that’s a great idea about you attending your own mass sometimes to get some you & God time.
You gotta wonder – did Jesus ever act up in Synagogue as a toddler? Did Mary lean over and whisper -”Behave yourself, or NO DONUT!” (or whatever the equivalent was in Biblical Palestine)
Most of the time, the kids are pretty good. But I admit that once, when asked why do we HAAAAVE to go to church, I answered “So I can pray to God and Mary that you will have children JUST. LIKE. YOU.”
Children belong in church. Thank you Kadi for bringing them. By bringing them to ANY church, their chance of being religious and connected to a church when they grow up dramatically increases.
It is hard to be spiritually fed when you are training your children in the way they should go. Heck I LIVE with a Pastor (don’t worry, I’m married to him- we’re Lutheran), and I don’t feel like I’m spiritually fed at church. It seems like the kids don’t get anything out of it, and to make matters worse, I’m alone in the pew with 3 kids, two of whom alternate between being fascinated that Daddy is Pastor, and trying to yell out “You can’t be Pastor anymore, I NEED MY DADDY.”
But you know what? They get it even if they pull the “it’s boring” routine because they know they’re going to have to sit still. By going to church each Sunday, you are teaching them that this is important, above all else. By sitting in church with them, you are teaching them that church is a family activity and children are valued there. By being in the church service, your children are learning and observing, even when they seem like they aren’t. You’d be amazed at what they can recite back.
BMS has really good plans. We do many of those things. We have a “Church Bag” that is only allowed to be touched on Sunday morning. It has religious books, small pads of paper, and a small train (for the boy) and a horse (for the girl). My children can’t read yet, but they have their own hymnals and are encouraged to look through them during the week as well as at church. They LOVE being “grown up” enough to be trusted with a hymnal that is THEIRS. It also gives them a chance to learn how to navigate through the book so that they can better follow along during service/mass.
This may sound mad, but have you tried sitting in the front? Yes, I still have to leave sometimes, but my children have been exponentially better since moving to the front of the church. They can see what is going on in the front and that makes a world of difference. Also there are less people up there to be distractions to them.
Do you have devotion time at home? Or a chance for question and answer as to what it means to say the words that are said during church? If you don’t know how to answer all their question, invite the Priest/Pastor to come over to answer their questions!
Finally, going to church as they get older doesn’t have to be a chore, as long as they are hearing and seeing, as habit now, that church is important, and not just because you say so. It is important to go to church because of Jesus.
You posted about bedtime routines…. church time routines can be just as special and looked forward to and are just as much worth the fight to get to that easy routine. You are not alone in this struggle, and if needs be, ask your Pastor for a monthly visit in the evening, so you can have a chance for uninterrupted reconnecting with Christ. Any Priest/Pastor worth his salt will be more then willing to stop by.
P.S. Remember, I’m coming from a Lutheran perspective, so I may be wrong about a Priest being willing to visit. A Lutheran Pastor would be in most cases. If the Catholic Church has the equivalent of a Director of Christian Education at your church, you could ask them your kid’s questions.
Well said Michelle! I also want to add, that I belong to a small discussion group (other faiths might have bible studies or similar things) that meets once a month for prayer, discussion, faith sharing. It feeds my spiritual needs quite nicely. I sometimes even find I pay more attention when I am wrangling the kids, because I have Questioners. Why is the priest doing that? Why do we always sing Alleluia every week? Why do we make the sign of the cross? etc. I have to think about it to come up with good answers!
When my eldest (total train freak) was about 3 we were in church before mass, and he asked why we went to church. I said to thank God for the good things we have. He then piped up in a nice loud voice: “Thank you God for the Green Line!!! (Boston subway)” So something is getting through.
now a mom of 3 and soon to be 4… it is tough to sit and concentrate… but even for 5 seconds of adoraton is worth it.. the kids see it, mimic for now and will learn more later about how the faith affects them.
as for teens.. boring, yep, some priests do not have the true gift of gab like Fr. Marvin Kitten did in my college church.. boy, he could talk to those college kids and we all walked away feeling great and wanting more… I have been asked by several kids who are Catholic why I go even if I know the priest is boring or the deacon repeats incessantly… well, because it is not MY time.. it is God’s time. Surely there is something in your life that happened last week that you are greatful for… truly greatful.. it could be that extra 5 min of sleep Mom gave you, could be the pat on the back you really deserved from your Algebra teacher, or that the pretty girl looked your way and not just because you were standing in her way.. or a boy remembered his manners and got the door for you.. yep, take one hour and give it to God…. He helped give you life.. give an hour a week for your Maker…
if in my parent’s house…. the answer was, “if you live in my house, you get your butt to Mass!”
end. of. discussion.
yep, my parents were strict… it wasn’t an option..
it’s not an option here either…
after Baptism at 3 weeks you go to Mass in our home unless you are running a fever or tossing your cookies.. you go… Mass is going on everywhere.. find a time that fits your family.. we switched churches b/c our Mass time was not working for us and Sunday is too tough…
I will be thinking of you at 4pm on Saturday… yep, that is the perfect time for my young family
I learned in a parenting class to “practice” sitting at home. A few times a week the child needs to SIT on the couch with some books. Set the timer for 5 mins (work your way up to a half hour) when the timer sounds they can get up. For young ones (ages 1 and 2 you will need to sit with them and turn pages of the books but do not talk to them or let them down). By age 3 they should be totaly capable of doing this WITH PRACTICE! It teaches them self control and to focus. Our family also practices in doctors offices and funerals, weddings etc. I tell mine – now it is time to practice “sit time.” They get it!