Supernanny LIVE Blog: “Wujcik Family”

We’re on!

MEET THE WUJCIK’S
Toni – Mom
Tim – Dad
Alec – 6
Bryce – 4
Carly – 18 mos.

OBSERVATION
Looks it’s a case of one parent and FOUR children… Dad being the chief. The house is palacial – There is a HUGE basement playroom. There is a THIRD FLOOR playroom.

Playtime with the boys is quite violent. Toys are destroyed. Toys are dropped from the stairwell.

Jo has her finger on the problem: “Tim’s got to step up.”

Back from commercial, and Bryce doesn’t want to share one of the THOUSAND toys. (I’ve got some thoughts on this coming tomorrow.)

Now Mom’s upstairs making three meals: one for Carly, one for the boys, and one for her and Tim. The boys are finally at the table, and discipline is all Mom, only she doesn’t follow thru on the threats.

FAMILY MEETING
Problems: No respect and no consequences. Threats without consequences are ignored. When a toy breaks… who cares? Dad fixes it or they by a new one.

Now the heart of the matter: Unequal parenting. Tim continually undermines Toni, but will she have the guts to speak honestly to Tim?

YES. Go Toni! She’s laying it out there. “I can’t compete with you, and I don’t want to anymore.” Jo: “You shouldn’t have to compete. You should be on an equal par.”

Sounds like Tim has heard the message. We’ll see….

SUPERNANNY STEPS IN
First, some rules for the boys; now the naughty step.

To deal with the abundance of toys: the Appreciation Technique

1. Choose 10 toys each; hide the rest.
2. If the boys play well, they earn toys back.
3. If they play poorly, they lose even more.

The boys participate quite well.

Now, Jo is working with Toni on her tone of voice. How do you communicate authority without constantly yelling and shouting? It’s about a lower, controlled and confident tone.

Supernanny Tip #1
Too many toys? Hide a few in a storage container. Then, in a month or so, bring ‘em back out. It’ll be like Christmas all over again.

Now, Jo wants to get the boys working together: Shared Play Technique

1. Blindfold one of the boys
2. Have the other direct the first thru the toys.

It builds teamwork and trust. The boys have to slow down and listen to one another. The boys are into it, and they want to do it again.

Onto dinner, and Jo wants mom to make ONE MEAL… and one for the baby. The goal at first is to get them to at least try a bit. Lots of encouragement is required. Mom and Dad do a good job of keeping things upbeat and positive. Jo: “Tim and Toni were absolutely gobsmacked.”

Supernanny Tip #2
Trouble keeping the kids busy while you make dinner? Give them their own cupboard with a bunch of empty plastic cups and bowls. They’ll be occupied, and you can get dinner on the table.

ON THEIR OWN
Mom’s cooking with the boys, and that goes well. Now, she’s looking for help setting the table… and the wheels have fallen off. Mom’s not following thru with consequences; Dad’s undermining again.

OK, now Dad’s got Alec on the naughty step… but Dad winds up sitting on there with Alec nowhere to be seen.

One meal prepared, but Toni’s positive reinforcement is gone.

TO THE TAPE
The problems: Tim undermined Toni, diverting attention from the disobedience. Tim also has no authority when implementing discipline. He doesn’t want to be the heavy when he’s gone all day. (Jo: Tough! Millions of working dad’s deal with this. Suck it up!) Toni takes the heavy tone when positive encouragement is needed (encouraging the boys to eat their veggies) and resorts to empty threats when consequences are called for, e.g. disobedience.

Mom and Dad see the problems; now they need to change their behavior.

Back from commercial, and Jo wants to work on the Voice Tone Technique.

1. 1. Grab a mirror
2. 2. Listen and watch as you model discipline and praise.

Mom needs to work on praise; Dad needs to master discipline. The mirror understands, but will they remember the lesson when it counts?

The boys have trashed Carly’s toys, and Dad wants them to clean up. Bryce resists, and Jo is in to give hands on instruction on using the Naughty Step. Dad’s got it! Now for dinner…

Mom’s starting things off on the right foot: Lot’s of encouragement and positive communication. Bryce cops an attitude, but Mom and Dad are on it… TOGETHER! “Tim and I were working together. Honestly, I don’t think it had ever happened before.”

FAMILY UPDATE
Mom is free to play. Dad sees his role as a parent. The boys are thriving with boundaries and expectation. “Jo saved our family. We’re going to be a happier family.“