SuperNanny – The Breast(feeding) Adventure
As soon as I heard the comment come out of Jo Jo’s mouth, I KNEW the army of breastfeeding mom’s would be hot on her tail for her ‘negative’ sounding comments.The major focuses of last nights episode that set it apart from other episodes was the 14-month-old that was still being breastfed and the co-sleeping habits of TWO children who were sleeping in the parents bed. Talk about havoc on a marriage!
Having been a mother of premature twins who was unable to make this choice, I can’t say that I rightfully know the exact answer of when it’s good to wean a child from the mother’s breast, but I can say that, as a member of the general public, I find it somewhat disturbing when a child can take the mothers breast from it’s mouth, carry on a conversation with me and resume feeding.
Call me a prude, call me too modest, but I believe this is a choice that mothers make for themselves and their children and it should remain a private, intimate bond – not one that’s shared with everyone in public. There’s just too many freaks out there for me to find comfort in the possibility that one of them is getting some sort of satisfaction out of watching an innocent baby nurse.
Perhaps I got a little off track here and this wasn’t the exact focus of this particular episode, but I’ve been meaning to address this issue for some time and last nights SuperNanny episode tripped my trigger.
Thoughts?
First of all, a 14 month old baby can not “take the mothers breast from it’s mouth, carry on a conversation…and resume feeding.” Most 14 month old babies only say 1-2 words (Mama, Dada) according to What To Expect the Toddler Years. You make it sound as if a baby that age is going to be discussing the weather with you.
I really bristle at your tone about the “army” of breastfeeding mothers. I think you’d be really surprised to know how many normal, well adjusted, everyday women BF their children according to WHO guidelines which state that a child should be BF until age 2. Many pediatricians give this same advice.
As for your comment about the public aspect of BF a 14 month old baby–I’m sure there are numerous women who do nurse their toddlers in public, but as a BF mother of a 14 month old who knows numerous women who are doing the same with their toddlers, I have never once seen them nurse in public. Not because it’s shameful or something to be embarrassed about (remember the WHO guidelines?), but because they want to avoid uncomfortable confrontations with the close minded public. Notice that it’s never women who BF who have a problem with this (regardless of how long they BF)? It’s ALWAYS women (or men) who have never done it, and therefore think it’s “icky” or somehow sexual. It’s what they are there for!
SuperNanny really got it wrong on this one.
I was embarrassed for Jo, with her facial expressions like she smelt something foul as she spoke of breastfeeding. Her comments said more about her own hangups than anything.
I’m just sorry it affected a child’s right to breastfeed. There are a million ways to balance a child’s breastfeeding needs with the mother’s needs – and they don’t have to include cold-turkey weaning. Jo has no idea what she’s doing when it comes to breastfeeding and she isn’t qualified to give advice about it. If she’s going to, she needs to look up the WHO recommendations and present fair and accurate information instead of pressing her personal opinions on parents.
I agree with the last two posts. I wrote ABC and asked if Jo knew anything about breastfeeding. The truth is it is our Western society that is hung up on breastfeeding. The average age of weaning around the world is 4 YEARS OLD, (according to the WHO)! That takes into account the measly 6 months we usually give.
Having breastfed three kids, and one who still cosleeps, (He is *gasp* 14 months), I was completely offended when Jo helped wean that little girl through embarrassing her mother. We in the birthing and breastfeeding community try desperately to get African American moms to nurse and then there is Jo showing how distasteful nursing is and how it is going to scar this child if she isn’t weaned (to a bottle! I can see the orthodontist’s bills growing as we speak.) Breastfeeding a toddler helps that child feel taken care of, and helps keep them healthy through a period when they begin to play with other children and are exposed to many new germs. It helps the shape of their mouth and helps them rest and get a handle when they are overwrought.
I have two girls who are extremely popular, well adjusted and smart, (not just according to their mom.)
They got thorough their Erickson’s stage of Trust vs. Mistrust very well. Oh and they breastfed until they were 4. In public until they were 2 1/2. The truth that no one seems to talk about is the fact that you can’t force a child to breastfeed. They just won’t nurse if they don’t want it.
I usually love Jo, but really bad form on that issue.
I created another thread and hope this discussion continues.
I just spoke with a friend of mine who is very big on the breastfeeding topic. She’s breastfed both her children.
She taught me a few things I didn’t know and made a comment that I thought was PERFECT for this topic here.
If a mother feels her baby needs the breastmilk, try pumping and giving it to the child in a cup. Children at this age should be learning to drink from a cup.
She said her doc and everyone who was involved with the health care of her children educated her on this topic and stated that there is very little benefit for the child beyond a certain point.
I’m glad I spoke with her, because I wanted to make sure my thinking wasn’t so influenced by society but more as a mother.
Actually, pumping isn’t the solution for meeting society’s need to be comfortable with how babies eat. Why not? It seems simple enough, get milk into a bottle and off you go. It isn’t that easy for most moms. A few reasons why:
*Some women do not get much from the pump, making it a useless suggestion.
*Pumping and its associated tasks (washing parts, storing and thawing, etc) take more time than breastfeeding itself, making it an impractical solution for an already busy mom.
*When a mom feeds a bottle of expressed milk, her breasts don’t know about it – but they do know it’s time to nurse, and fill with milk. Mom is stuck with painfully engorged breasts – and she is risking plugged ducts, which can lead to mastitis.
Besides, suffering through your errands with painful engorgement is not an acceptable solution just so someone who doesn’t even know you might be spared the sight of a child nursing!
And as for the opinion of pediatricians, OBs and most doctors – they have no education in lactation, and often give advice that goes against the world’s foremost authority on breastfeeding and medical concerns – the World Health Organization, who tells parents that children do best with a minimum of two years of nursing.
Even your pediatrician’s own professional organization, the AAP, tells parents that breastfeeding is recommended for a minimum of one year (minimum, not maximum as it is so often misinterpreted) and that mothers should feel free to nurse as long as they and their child wish. There is no magical point at which nursing stops having benefits that one can pinpoint – until the child itself goes through its own self-directed normal weaning process. Only then does one know that for that child at that time, nursing has become unnecessary.
I’m glad others have voiced their concern regarding Jo’s handling of this issue. I cringed when I heard her tell the mom that she was glad she was ready to stop BF because that showed that she was ready for personal growth. So I guess if she continued to BF, she wouldn’t be. Absurd. Jo deserves 36 minutes on the “naughty chair”!
For many Moms it’s VERY easy and quite simple to put milk into a bottle and off I go!! Are you trying to tell me that because I choose to put milk into a bottle or sippy cup that I’m not doing what is best for me and my child? Who do you think you are anyway? What’s good for you and your baby isn’t necessarily what is good for the rest of the world.
I can totally understand breast feeding for the first year of life but by the time the child has been introduced to solids they are already going to receive all the nutrients that they need for proper brain development.
I find it interesting that somebody would say “some women do not get much from the pump, making it a useless suggestion.” Who said that it was a useless suggestion? Just because some women can’t seem to pump successfully doesn’t mean that others can’t try it or that it wasn’t a good idea for a person to at least try before they make up their mind that it’s not going to work.
Seems to me that I’m getting the impression that some choose to breast feed because they don’t want to have to clean up? Oh come on… isn’t that kind of silly? When I used my breast pump I had no problems cleaning all the parts and taking the time to pump the milk and freeze it.
There were some situations in my life that really warranted having that option and for you to make it seem as though it’s a ridiculous option is just plain old mean on your part. Uh duh, when Mom pumps the breasts know exactly what is happening. Your breast (velcromom) might not know what’s going on but mine were extremely sensitive to the fact that breast milk was leaving my breasts.
Mom never has to be stuck with painfully engorged breasts ever!! There is always a way out of that one from breast feeding the baby, to pumping some more, to expressing the milk with your hands, to even good ol’ Dad assisting with this project if need be!! Why not!?
And if the kiddos are eating solids then there is no question that they are getting all the vitamins and nutrients that are needed for further growth and development provided they are getting a well balanced meal.
If I were you guys I would be VERY careful what you say against Jo Jo. You might just be telling the rest of the world that they are doing it all wrong as long as it’s not your way of doing things. Remember, everybody is different, every situation is different, and not all children NEED to be breastfed past the age of 1 if Mom and Baby have decided that is not the route that they would like OR need to go. If you want to breast feed until your kid is four years old and you think that is the right thing for your situation then more power to you.
I have a feeling that Dr. Phil would beg to differ with THAT one.
Although I agree with you, Angela, that situations are different for different moms, there are some things that I think you may not realize about breastfeeding past the first year…
1. When children are introduced to solids, they do not get everything they need. It is an introduction. That is why children do things like only want to eat applesauce for 10 days straight. They are experimenting with solids. They are not getting all their nutritional needs met and certainly not all their caloric needs, (I mean those baby mush peas are like 50 calories a serving.) That is why you need to supplement with either breastmilk or a “follow-up formula”
2. Breastfeeding past the first year is also about comfort. Children like to know mom is there for them, and breastfeeding can make mom sit down for a minute. I am not proud of it, but sometimes that is the only way my kids can get me to sit down and give them attention. Not that I think that is your case. Just making a personal observation. We need to stop trying to crucify ourselves and each other. We are not maryters to the “breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding” cause. We are moms doing the best with know how.
3. Also the immunities that are transferred to kid are integral to their immune systems growth. When kid is on the boob, they transfer through their saliva into the mom’s system the germs they have been exposed to, and then mom makes immunities and transfers them back to kid. It doesn’t work as well if you’re pumping exclusively, so it is great if you can pump and breastfeed as well, (if you need to pump.)
Just some thoughts on a cool thread…
Karen
Two scenarios to think about –
1. About a year ago, my husband and I were at an trade show – lots of Amish were there. It was lunch time, we gathered our plates and took a seat on the lawn. Along came a family of Amish.
A little girl that seemed to be about two was, jumping, playing and eating on an ear of sweet corn.
Mom (looked to be about 50ish) was gnawing on an ear of corn like an old sow (seriously, it was sick!). Little girl came over, stood NEXT to mom, dropped the ear of corn, grabbed up a tit like it was a milk jug and started nursing.
The VERY exposed boob, though I (and my husband) only glanced a second because we’d been watching the little girl play and laugh – looked like an old grey sock with a tennis ball in the end.
Our appetites were totally LOST! I wanted to puke! We left the show.
Was THAT right?
2. HOW Comfortable would the extreme, out there in public, let it all hang out breastfeeding mom feel if she were on a plane by the window, dad in the middle and some big breasted bombshell former playboy looking thing took the seat on the other side of dad and started to breastfeed right there – albeit she was only KIND of covered, just enough to keep her seat on the plane.
You couldn’t blame him for looking could you? After all it is her right, he’s only human and he would be in the position of being a captivated audience.
Of course men can only dream of this happening to them! It’s like a lottery or frequent flier bonus or something.
One of these is a situation I’ve been in and another is one I’ve heard of that turned one extreme breastfeeding mom around.
Just a couple of things to think about before you go placing the world in an uncomfortable position.
It’s not too much to ask to just cover up!
I hate to see people drive Hummers. My husband is in the military and he and his friends have to fight a war so that people have the option to drive gas guzzling kill machines on the road. It’s sick. I lose my appetite when I see them.
Is that RIGHT?
Karen
Karen, my husband is a vet too. He was in Iraq the first time around and on the front lines. But that’s a WHOLE other subject that gets my feathers ruffled.
I had NO idea this war was so people could drive hummers.
Seriously, comparing the two is like comparing Apples to ummm Golf Balls.
Modesty is what I’m getting at. If you MUST feed in public, keep it covered!
I gave up smoking because it was offensive to others, so what’s wrong with a little consideration all the way around?
Common courtesy.
Must EVERYTHING in life be a battle. Since when is it SO wrong to consider the feelings of the people around you?
All I am saying is that, in general, offense is in the eye of the beholder. Barbra Walters was offended when a mom was breastfeeding on a plane they were on together. I would be more offended listening to a kid howl for hours on end. That’s just me. I am offended by Hummers…Just me…
I think this covering up issue is a red herring most of the time. The truth is, even in Pittsburgh, we don’t see that many Amish lifting their blouses and showing all their good stuff to the world. Most women who nurse do cover up, but according to the law, they really don’t have to if they don’t want to. Almost all do as you said for courtsey sake, but when you have a screaming baby who is hot and squirming, it can be impossible. Sometimes you just have to look away or you have to get used to it.
Pregnant women used to be shunned from society, for courtsey sake. Women have to cover their heads and bodies in mamy parts of the world, for courtesy sake…
Karen
I know some people who eat like cows. Would they be asked to put a shirt over their face before eating in public?
Society has sexualized the breast, not the babies. Society needs to change, not the babies.
Jo failed to mention the health benefits of nursing continue for both baby and mom the longer it lasts. And sudden weaning causes a hormonal shift that can lead to extreme depression in the mom. I have lived through that and it was hell, probably somewhat similar to postpardom depression. I wouldn’t wish those feelings on anyone. Jo really missed the ball on this one.
Erin
Well, My son is 13 1/2 months and I do not co-sleep wioth him and nurse him 1/2 time – AND THIS NOT BY CHOICE!
I am a working mom – therefore I must pump and leave some milk for him with the Day care provider, and he drinks from a cup, BUT when I am with him he nurses if he needs to.
And I want to mention that IF he doesn’t need to he WON’T.
I ADORE Super Nanny, but she lost alot of respect on my behalf when she said the things she said and the faces she made…
Breastfeeding is natural and super healthy and IF you can handle nursing your child as late as 14 months CONGRATS, it doesn’t make you a bad monther of course if you don’t choose to breastfeed – some just can’t produce enough, and some chosse not to at all, but if you can… WHY NOT?!?!
thats my 2 cents worth
I can’t believe people are still hung up over this episode even after all this time has passed by.
Honestly, once the child starts eating table food and drinking from a cup there really isn’t a need for the breast milk any more.
Nutritionally the child has other things they are eating and drinking that totally make up for the stuff that breast milk can’t do for the child once they are old enough.
If your baby can pull up your shirt, grab a breast, and start going to town all on their own… then it’s time to stop in my honest opinion.
But, who am I to tell anybody how to raise their child. Do what you want to. It’s your baby. If you want to breast feed until they are five years old and ready for school.. you go right ahead.
Why do people believe that the benefits of breastmilk become non existant once babies can eat food? What suddenly happens to breastmilk that makes it supposedly lacking in nutritional benefits?