Taking a step back, and taking a break.
September 27, 2008 by Lara Kulpa
Filed under Relationships
Image by photographer padawan via FlickrOkay, so once I decided to start back on the online dating sites, I had three first dates in a pretty short period of time. The first, with a guy who I just didn’t feel that instant “chemistry” with. The second, who I had a great time at the fair with, and he seemed to not be interested (solidifying that thought by announcing on FaceBook a week later that he had a girlfriend all of the sudden). And the third, Pink Rose Boy, who as you may have read the other day, has failed.
I’m thinking it’s time for me to take another break. Not that I’m not open to meeting new people or anything, but I think I’m going to stay off the online dating sites for a bit. I do have a lot of other things in my life I want to get a grip on before I try getting into anything serious, and since I’m far from the “serial dater” type – that leaves me with no other choice than to stop looking so hard. 
I’d love to have some “we met at the grocery store” story to tell you guys in some time – we’ll see what happens!
Have you ever taken a conscious break from dating? Not looking, not trying, just living life and seeing what happens? Has anything ever happened from it?
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Yes, Lara, I have taken a break.
For a long period of time I didn’t date at all. I worked on getting the rest of my life in order and I found it very beneficial. When I did start dating again, I had a clearer picture of what I wanted and how to get to that place.
Sure, I still don’t have all the answers, but I feel that taking that break helped me to operate from a stronger place. Does that make sense? I was a bit off-kilter after my divorce and it took me some time to regain that balance.
Taking a break is a good idea. When you are ready again, you’ll know. Plus, it sounds like you’ve got a lot of exciting work stuff going on right now. Boys can be a distraction.
Also, I really like your lovely graphic.
Thanks, Michelle. I’ll clue you in on the graphics thing soon.
I do have a lot of exciting stuff happening, and so much so that I barely have the time to figure out what to make for dinner than to plan a night out with someone else for dinner. It’s like, I don’t want to drive 30 mins to dinner with someone because that takes a WHOLE HOUR away from my work time. Silly, isn’t it? LOL
I did spend 5 years totally single. It sucked the bag. I regret not really taking advantage of that time so much. I spent a lot of time hating being single rather than using that time to work more on me (which I did do, a lot, in fact – just not enough I think).
I know and love ME. I want someone else to know and love me just as much as I do. LOL Might be too much to ask at this age or time in my life, but dammit, I want the moon! I think I’m just going to wait until it gets big and full and low to the Earth (ie. right in front of my face) before I reach out and grab for it again.
This is a very interesting post. I really briefly tried the internet dating and then ended up in a six month relationship that ended about a month ago. And now I find myself really lonely and really wanting to find THAT relationship. That one that is going to last forever. So I’m contemplating jumping back into this online dating thing full-force. But I don’t know. I have doubts. Perhaps I need more time. Perhaps I need to just work on me right now. Get content with me just being me all by myself. And then get back to online dating (maybe) when I feel 100% sure it’s what I want to do.
I just don’t know. Decisions, decisions.
Heather, if you are feeling doubt, then I’d wait a bit, just to be on the safe side. The happier you are with yourself, the more confident you will be and that will help you to attract a good partner.
When you are ready, start slow. Put your name out there in a few places and see what happens.
Good luck!
Heather – That’s exactly what happened to me. And while the dates I went on weren’t being compared to my ex (because he was a complete dick and anyone was nicer to me than he was), I found since then that I’m still not ready to get that committed feeling with someone just yet.
I felt “strangled” in that last relationship. And I’ve noticed that now anytime a guy I talk to seems like a “strangler” in any way shape or form, I bail.
So I’m not ready. That’s why I wrote this post. That’s why I’m stepping back and focusing on other things in my life. The rest will come along when I want it to – not when anyone else says so.
I’ve actually just started my six-month dating sabbatical so that I can work on me from the inside out. And I have to tell you, I like it already. The dating thing-online especially-gets to be very frustrating and so now I am at a point where I have to step back and let it go. I have to be selfish now and deal with me first. Good luck ladies!