Tales from a Work at Home Dad
January 13, 2009 by Cherie Burbach
Filed under Parenting
There’s been a new phenomenon with woman and careers the last few years called the “work at home mom.” The gist is usually this: the family needs her income, can’t afford daycare, and so she manages to make some money to help the family while also being the caretaker for her children. Even if the family can afford daycare (and doesn’t “need” the woman’s salary), there are still moms who choose to work at home because of the flexibility it provides for their family.
But it’s not an easy thing. I know some women who are great at multitasking and they make it all work… but I know there are days they want to SCREAM.
I know a lot of women who do the WAHM (work at home mom) thing, but not that many guys who are doing it. So I was interested by this story from CNN, in which a new dad explains why he is trying to stay at home with his children.
His story of being on a conference call with his boss is hilarious, because OF COURSE as soon as he is on the phone, the baby starts crying… LOUD. Right into the phone. He makes the valid point that working at home is a difficult thing. It takes practice. You often have to work in spurts, focused on your work one minute but ever aware of your kids at the same time.
Or, if the kids are down for a nap, you have to focus and work while you have the quiet. Josh Lubin, the guy who wrote the article, also says that working from home takes practice. Very true! The more you do it the better able you will be to switch gears.
It should also be said that not every employer will be okay with working from home. I worked with a very professional woman who worked at home two days a week. You could always get her when you needed her, she was knowledgeable, great to work with, but our boss was not having it. Our boss would roll her eyes every time someone would suggest calling our work at home counterpart. One time I heard her say, “We could call her, but she’ll probably have a kid on her hip so how much help will she be?”
(Our boss, incidentally, was a real piece of work.)
Let me throw a question out to you all. If you’re a guy who works at home now, please comment. Let us know how you’re doing, if you’re in the same job, and if you’ll keep staying at home or go back when the kids are older. If there’s a lesson you’ve learned a long the way – please share!
Cherie, this is a fascinating topic!! I’m a psychologist and I’ve worked with many “stay at home Dads” in my practice. Here’s what I’ve discovered. One of the biggest hurdles they face is going from a high-powered “business” environment to an unstructured “home” environment. When it’s just you and the kids at home all day, you have to set the pace. It’s hard for “stay at home Dads” to find the rhythm of their day. When you’re in the business world, the office defines it for you. So what’s the solution? Three quick bits of advice that I’ve found helpful with my clients 1) prioritize. Do the most difficult thing first. Get it out of the way when you’re fresh. 2) break up an overwhelming task, into small, manageable steps and 3) build in a small reward for yourself at the end of each day. Everyone needs to unwind, even it’s just for 15 minutes. Don’t think of it as loafing, think of it as re-charging your batteries so you can work more efficiently the next day! Hope this helps.
Been there done that but unfortunately I was a single mom so no one really cared – it was just my duty. I bow down to the true male heroes out there.
Mary, that is terrific advice! Thank you!
Well, I have worked from home (although only two days a week) for about first complete year of my son. I was aware that it was not going to work if I was alone with the baby at home and have day-to-day work from office like conference calls etc. So my husband and I planned to work from home 2 same days a week and we were able to balance it out very nicely. One of us was always (well almost always) there watching the baby and working so that other one could take the calls. Infact we kind of made an arrangement so one of us would focus on work only in a seperate room for couple of hours and the other one would watch baby and work and reverse the responsibilities the next couple of hours. we made the rotations and it worked nicely for us. I don’t think it is possible to get a regular work hours and focus if you are doing it all alone.
Like all stories, there are many stories within this story that could be told, but I’ll start almost 6 years ago when we adopted 4 month old twins. My permanent residence was 900 miles from my job as a business systems analyst (which I held for two years at the time), and I would generally get home once a month or so. Shortly after the adoption, it was decided that we couldn’t continue in that fashion. That summer, while my older daughter was home from school, my wife got a job so we wouldn’t be without income. One morning that fall I walked into my boss’s office to tell my story and give notice. I never got chance to give notice. She simply said, “I don’t care where you work from. Go home.”
So I did. My wife kept her job, and I set up to work from home while at the same time taking care of the twins. A headset for the phone made it possible to comfortably diaper and telecon at the same time, and any work that required unbroken concentration was left until late at night when everyone else was asleep. That also left me awake to attend to anyone who might wake up during the night.
In the 5 years that I have worked from home, I have been back to the “office” once. I have worked hard to make it seem like I am always available and have never refused a call or ignored an email from work. My wife continues to work, and I continue as primary caregiver, since as a remote worker I don’t feel quite as secure as if I were on-site. However, if they decide to let me go tomorrow, it has gotten us over what could have been a very tough period.
When all is said and done, I do have to say that I am extremely grateful to this company (a manufacturing company no less, not a technology or web company) to have allowed me the opportunity to do this. The twins are now in kindergarten, and will start first grade in the fall, which will make things much easier during the day. Once they are in school full time, the prospect of a job outside the home becomes a possibility, but I would only do so if I were let go from my current position.