I used to say whatever was on my mind, didn’t really hold back at all, but I’ve learned over the years that just because I have an opinion, well that does not mean that I have to share it.

I’ve been thinking about Steve a lot today and I think that he’s trying his best. I need to slow down and just let things be. Life is not a sprint.

I hope you and S. have a really great conversation tonight.

It sounds like you are very good with the coping skills. When you know that you need space, you retreat a step rather than act out. Very smart.

I think my fear of an argument gets in the way. If I say I’m fine, when really I’m not fine, then I am not helping anything at all. Also, I have to stop thinking so much in the short term. If I want this relationship to continue for the rest of my life, then I need to realize that right now is only right now and as long as we have an idea of where we want things to go, then we will be okay.

Alright, I just totally talked myself through that. Did you see that? Thanks for your advice.

I’ve had friends who aren’t used to this in others come to me and ask me, “Are you upset with me over something?”

My response is simply, “Since when have you known me to be upset about anything and not open up my trap about it?”

I think it might come from being outgoing and somewhat boisterous. I’ve never been the meek and quiet type – much to the chagrin of some who’ve crossed my path before.

But I think that it’s important to be honest, and if you’re not communicating, you’re not being honest. Saying nothing doesn’t mean there’s nothing to say, you know?

You did approach him before, and you did explain your needs. If you feel the need to do it again, that means either he didn’t hear you or he doesn’t care enough… there’s only so much room for second chances, Michelle.

I played therapist to some friends of mine once, where it truly was a communication issue for them. She was always saying, “We need to talk…” and he was always tuning her out when she did that. Thereby her needs weren’t being met, and neither were his, because she was so busy talk talk talking that she never listened to him or his needs. Once the two of them realized this (by way of my smacking their heads together about it) things improved in their relationship 100%. It brought them from the verge of breaking up to getting married 6 months later, and being really happy.

I think a good way to open up the line of communication is to ask him not “Is there anything I can do to help?” but rather “What can I do to help?”

If you get “Nothing” as a response, then maybe he doesn’t want your help, and in that case, what good is being in a relationship? Isn’t that what loving someone is all about?

However, there are times, when that is not the case.

I have my walls, my times of being in a funk, my days when i want to be alone, and read my magazines, watch football and not talk to anyone.

It usually take my best friends or kids to step up and say.. “Hey… what’s up? Do you want to talk?”

I think your idea that you are going to talk to him is a good one. It’s the first step.. and the only one you have right now.
My guy and I are still in the honeymoon stage, we talk for 2-4 hours a night (last night was 2am… LONG morning ), though I hate the idea that we might not be that way one day… Ick.. I hate thinking of that.

At least I know that I will be working hard on that, I don’t want to fall into the rut!