Talking To Kids About Physical Violence

I’m going to share something very personal here… When I was growing up, my mom lived with an abusive partner. It was a terrifying time in my life.  Eventually, she left him or he left her – it was pretty back and forth for a whole lot of years. I love my mom, but part of me will always resent what we all went through at that time. It is impossible to live with violence and not have it affect you in some way.

I’ve been following the Rihanna/Chris Brown “alleged” physical violence situation. What she’s doing, going back to an “alleged” abuser, it’s sadly stereotypical. I’ve read quotes from people who know both Rihanna and Chris Brown, read that Diddy offered up his home for the two to reconcile, read that her father feels he can’t get through to her, but he’s supporting her.

I’ve also read that one of her sponsors is thinking about dropping her because they are uncomfortable with the way she is handling the situation.  I know that I, for one, bought a certain mascara just because it enhanced her eyes (mine are similarly colored). It’s possible that she’s broken, but she is still a lovely girl.  Getting abused doesn’t mean she should be kept from making a living.

It’s easy to sit in judgment of a situation when you are on the outside. I’d never stay with an abusive partner, you might say.  Personally, after my experience, I wish she’d be done with him, too, but I realize that it’s not that easy.  It wasn’t easy for my mom. When my brother’s dad said that he would not do it again, she believed him. He lied.

My girls have both heard about what is going on. They were big Chris Brown fans before, only one was a Rihanna fan. Kids talk and they don’t always get the correct information. I’ve tried to talk to the girls about abuse , about how it can happen in romantic relationships with teens, as well as adults. Bailey, my older daughter, related a story about her friend who is in an abusive relationship.

I’ve spent a lot of my children’s life alone, in large part because my experience was that men hit and I did not want my family hurt. I know that not all men hit, but growing up the way that I did, it’s messed with my head a bit. I recognize this and try to fight that screwy point of view.

I want my girls to be aware, but not paranoid. I want to show a balanced point of view, but sometimes it’s a struggle. I want my girls to recognize the warning signs. I don’t ever want my beautiful girls to look like Rihanna did in that horrible photo with the heartbroken look and the bruises.

If you are a parent, have you found yourself talking to your kids about the Rihanna/Chris Brown situation?

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