Tattle Tales

My daughter, Sarah, is 11 and in the 6th grade. She is a good student (just brought home a perfect report card), an athlete playing on both the volleyball and the basketball teams, and a musician with weekly guitar lessons.

IMG: Michelle Smith

She’s silly and funny, usually looking on the bright side. She is also a bit of a tattle-tale.
 
I worked at her school for 4 years as a playground and lunchroom aid. In that time, I learned a lot about tattle-tales. Sometimes they just want to be heard, sometimes they are trying to shift the blame, and sometimes they are trying to stir stuff up. I’ve seen Sarah tattle in all three situations.
 
In less than a year she’s going to be in middle school. It’s time for the tattling to stop. Here are a few guidelines that I’m teaching my Sarah so that she can recognize when to tell an adult, when to turn the other cheek, and how to avoid gaining the attention of a bully.
 
*First, evaluate the problem. Is someone going to get hurt? Is the situation dangerous? If the answer to either is yes, then tell an adult immediately. That’s not tattling – that’s reporting a dangerous situation. Kids have to learn the difference between actual trouble and something they can take care of on their own.
 
*Bullies like to get a reaction. A child crying, getting upset – this is the fuel that feeds a bully’s fire. Do not give them any fuel. It’s hard to avoid getting upset. One way to do this is to practice at home with a parent. Act out a bully-type situation and coach your child in the best way to react to the teasing. (Attacks on weight, ethnicity, intelligence, or disabilities, that’s the sort of thing that a teacher needs to be made aware of – that’s not tattling).
 
*If the bully is someone that your child considers a friend, but in truth this friendship is of the toxic variety, this situation can be especially tricky. Advise your child to try to remain as neutral as possible with this child. Don’t seek this child out, but don’t make them an enemy either. Tattling in this situation is the same as above – it feeds the problem. Avoid them, if possible. They will get bored and move on.
 
Our school uses the Second Step method. When kids are unable to get along – whether through bullying or tattling – the Second Step facilitator will set up something that she calls a “friendship group.” If problems with either bullying or tattling continue, then talk to your school principal and he or she can advise you further.
 
Good luck!

This was a guest post written by Michelle Smith. Michelle write for Splendicity Fragrance, Pretty By Nature, and for Gadabout Media’s Beauty and Fashion section.