Thank God For Sarah Palin
September 22, 2008 by Tracee Sioux
Filed under Parenting
You know what I find fascinating?
The religious conservatives, by which I mean the specific people in my life, who have always been the biggest influences on my own Internal Mommy Wars are in full, unequivocal support of Sarah Palin and have no doubts that can be both an effective mother and vice president.
Then why do you doubt that I can be both a great mom and fulfill my professional ambitions using the gifts and the calling God gave me? I wondered, as I lay sobbing during one yoga practice last week. If there is some distinction between she and I – and our worthiness for my family’s support – I don’t get it.
My whole motherhood and professional, experience would have been vastly different had these same people in my life been as unquestioningly supportive of me and my abilities to do both as they have been about Sarah Palin.
The economic and emotional toll of my own internal Mommy Wars can be added up to include: poverty and massive amounts of debt including a bankruptcy, unbelievable strain on my marriage almost leading to divorce, addiction to anxiety medication including a hospitalization that incurred yet more debt, severe post partum depression, not to mention the decision to stop having children so I could return to work without debilitating guilt and extreme economic “sacrifice” sooner.
But, at least I was a “good mom,” according to the specific narrow definition my family and cultural influences – religious conservatives, represented by Sarah Palin – have held out as the one virtue I must live up to above all.
Go figure.
They don’t even know her, they’ve never met her, they’ve never seen her with her children, they know very little about her politics even. Yet, they support her without reservation, judgement or criticism. If only I’d been worthy of the same support.
Thank God for Sarah Palin - I’m choosing to make their full support of Sarah Palin apply to ME and all other women. Her mission is no more important than mine, her abilities to both be a good mother and ambitious in her work is no more developed, her values no more sacred, and above all – she is no more entitled than the rest of the working mothers of this nation to respect, equal pay and working hours that adjust to acknowledge the existence of a family.
I’m choosing to let go of their judgement that has so effected my choices. It’s quite liberating really. Its like releasing a burden that has weighed heavily on my soul and tainted my experience of motherhood.
My motherhood experience has been about unnecessary guilt and sacrifice – false choices really. False choices that have made me teeter on a fence between working and motherhood, judgement and approval, fear and love, economic stability and poverty as sacrifice, powerfulness and powerlessness, economic independence and social acceptance - it’s not as though choosing to not work to be a good mom to acquire the currency of their social acceptance and approval came without serious consequences.
Forgive them for they know not what they do. I want to be free of their criticism and judgement, therefore I forgive it.
I don’t think they knew. They didn’t know they would feel this positively and supportive about a working mother character. They may or may not realize the kind of inner-turmoil they’ve caused in my own emotional life. Likely, it is only a reflection of their own inner conflict about themselves – not really about me at all.
I’m going to expect them to feel the same about my abilities as they feel about Sarah Palin’s and if they choose not to, well, this time I’ll perceive that choice as their failure, instead of my own. I’ll figure out a way not to internalize it.
Surely, I had this power all along – lots of other women have done it – but I wasn’t strong enough to apply it. So, I forgive me too.
Thank God for Sarah Palin, she’s liberating me from a social construct and false choices and a deep inner conflict about working and motherhood.
Image source: JohnMcCain.com
Every Conservative I’ve heard that approves of a “Working Mom” for President follows it up with “she’ll have help and her husband will definitely have to step up”. In other words, at her income level they believe the children aren’t neglected.
It sounds like Todd Palin is benefitting from her new status too: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/22/politics/washingtonpost/main4467100.shtml
Go Tracee! I’m on an airport runway and cannot leave the longer comment I’d like to leave, but I believe that a mother must decide what works best for her and for her family. And, as I learned myself, that means she alone knows when it’s best to forge her own path. Bravo for giving yourself permission!
Yeah, Crystal.
But, not my personal religious conservatives – my husband was always egalitarian and more than willing to do his share. He was willing to hire nannies, drop kids off at daycare, pick them up, do half the housework, attend parent-teacher conferences, etc. But, the religious conservatives in my own life never felt that made it OK for me to pursue my professional ambitions and work fulltime. But, they do say now that it’s OK for Sarah Palin. I don’t understand the difference.
I wrote at another blog recently that the one thing I am grateful to Sarah for (and believe me, I’m not a fan in too many other areas) is shaking up the idea of what conservative women are like.
Here is a woman who is both passionate about family AND career. Hockey mom AND politician.
I think it’s so great that you are letting the guilt go. You have internalized these cultural restraints long enough.
Family stuff is so tricky and being a mommy is the most guilt-inducing job I’ve ever had. And loved, see I feel guilty if I don’t add that in there.
You be you, let them be them, and live your life in a way that you feel proud of. It sucks that they’ve judged in the past and I think forgiving them sounds like a good idea. I always tell my kids, let the other guy be the ass – you do the right thing. If it still bothers you, that’s okay, too. You don’t have to be square with all the people in your life, you don’t have to love everything that comes out of someone’s mouth to still love them. Some people are prickily and unfair and they are never going to see things the way that you see them.
That is the thing I really like about Palin as well, that as Violent said she is “shaking up the idea of what conservative women are like”. And she’s forcing conservatives (men and women) who are so excited about her to finally admit or at least on some level have to realize it’s perfectly ok for a woman to have a family as well as professional ambitions. Geez. It’s been ok for men all along. I am really so happy that she has been nominated even just for that one reason.
And it IS quite ridiculous that you were judged so harshly by the religious conservatives yet they think it’s perfectly ok for Palin to pursue family and career. Sigh. It’s great though because it’s helping you realize how ridiculous that judgment was and how you should let it go.
sorry Violet, I didn’t mean to call you Violent!!! I do have a Rock Band character named Violent. But here it was just a typo.
Ha, no problem Rebecca. (I did say I would punch my husband in the balls if he cheated on me a few days ago!)
How is the new baby? Any insights? We might have to talk Tracee into letting you guest write a post to catch us all up.
consider me talked into – Rebecca guests post!
I’ll do a guest post! But tell me what you want the topic to be. Or a list of suggestions. I really don’t think my frustration regarding my efforts to figure out what is bothering a newborn at any given moment is a suitable guest post. Don’t worry Tracee, I am so getting ready to read the baby whisperer!
I don’t go back to work full time until he is twelve weeks old; and he’s six weeks today. I’m supposed to start working part time this week.
We DO think your frustration regarding your efforts to figure what is bothering a person who can’t speak, but yells and screams a lot, IS a suitable guest post!
Or you could talk about how you feel about going back to work.
Or how you feel about being a mother or anything you like relating to what you’re feeling right now about your new role in life as mommy.
Email me and I’ll post it. Send pics too!
That sounds interesting Rebecca – glad things are going well with the baby.
Extremely enlightening post Tracee. I have been so confused and conflicted as to this whole Palin thing and the unbelievable support she has received from her party. However, I don’t think I can go as far as translate their support for Palin to equal support for myself or single working mothers in this country, no matter what they say about Palin.
My feeling is that the GOP has to support her and love her because McCain is too unpredictable in terms of following the party platform.
Thanks Vem.
I’ve been just as confused by feminists criticism of her motherhood-work role. Actual working women are decrying her as a “bad mother” for a variety of reasons.
I think American women *thought* we had an unwritten deal. Feminists agreed we wouldn’t’ be too ambitious and in return we wanted conservative women to be less brutal in their judgment and support better work policy for women. We made all sorts of “sacrifices” in our career to skirt total criticism for working. We feel held back professionally, but we cater to their judgment to avoid their criticism.
Then one of them – Sarah Palin – completely lets her ambition shine and runs for finish line and all the conservatives we previously felt inhibited by stand back and cheer and it feels like a violation to the unwritten rules.
Good way to sum that up – it’s exactly like that. The only thing you left out was this surprising criticism from “Feminist-democrats” about it. Where is THAT coming from?