I had a really good and interesting time reading the back and forth commentaries, and I would like to thank and love you all for your bold words. One thing that I have noticed is that this is a cruel, humorous world, that, if it can’t throw you for a loop one way it will hit you in another.

The most noticible children are those who “suffer” from severe problems. But those with mild autism, for the most part, can go unnoticed. My son behaves quite often as any ten year old child does, and he gets picked on at school. My best friend, who has the typical 11 year old boy, says he gets picked on at school. There are things to be done to hinder these antics, but the best thing to do is just to help your child cope with society…by love, and Love, and more LOVE. Because pretty soon, “we autistics” are going to out number them!

To me, autism brings about a different, and exciting view of the world, one most people don’t see until they have had an autistic child lead them to it. I don’t see a need to cure ASD, but a need to cure others from their bigotry.

I have a classic autism diagnosis. My mom (god bless her) left her job temporarily to take me to UCLA to the Lovass program, directed by Lovass and those directly under him. In basic words, I got the best teaching a kid could hope to have, and I will never forget it.

It wasn’t so much that I have a light autism diagnosis but that I got the best training that I have learned to act nearly normal. People are surprised (if not shocked) to learn I have an autism diagnosis, especially of the variety which I have. In fact, considering I have a letter saying I no longer present as autistic is even complicating to the point.

So it could be said that I could skate over much of the predjudice by choice. I could completely ignore the diagnosis, get a regular job, work up the ladder, and nobody would know. It would be hard, but possible. But I wouldn’t consider it for a second.

Why? It’s because it puts my mind in context with those around me in a way that people can understand. I simply understand and think about the world differently. No amount of teaching will change that, ever.

Here’s a prime example; I’m a non-medium thinker (or at least a very unclear medium). Autistics are known, on some occasion, to attach to different mediums and perceive the world differently for them. Temple Grandin, for example, wrote about her thoughts through a visual means (in pictures), and others have had thoughts in mathematical concepts.

I have none of the above. I used to think I thought in colors, but really colors are the simple association to bundles of thoughts. I have no “voice in my head” of any kind. In fact, I’d find such a presence disturbing. I mean, do you all ever get away from that? It’d be way too noisy for me.

No, my thoughts are completely my own, without the baggage of language or visuals or mathematics. They’re completely within a different construct of my own (the nature of which I have yet to discern). I couldn’t really identify anything in the physical world that really replicates them, though (very interestingly) the closet I’ve come is a feeling similar to electrical tension (as opposed to muscular tension) in the face.

This difference is so interwoven with my thoughts and understanding of the world that I would never consider myself the same person without it (and my experiences would be very different). And it’s directly related to my autism. I think differently, and uniquely, for it. And I would walk to hell and back to keep it, again and again, because I value it so very much.

Aside from the fact I would find a voice in my thoughts deeply disturbing (or a picture, or a number), it’s allowed a completely different outlook on my life. My thoughts, my understandings, and experiences, in the past and forever forward, are affected deeply by this. It’s not so much that it creates me in a “pure” or “sacred” state as it puts me in a very natural position with the world around me, without having to be above it for the medium of my thoughts. I don’t have to create a separate “mind” to define my existence (for my thoughts could be directly physical, though it’s hard to tell). I also have a grip on myself that exists outside of language, and the removal is something that I appreciate (though I can’t really convey why in language, because it’s outside of language).

Is it easy or simplistic in terms of living my life? Not really. My dad jokes that English was my second language, the first being god-knows-what. I have real issues translating all of my thoughts into language (especially where the syntax is lacking). And they have tendencies that are stylistically odd, but true to my thoughts; I find that the simple active (such as in thinks) doesn’t work well when describing mental qualities, where a participle with the verb “to be” does (such as is thinking). Needless to say, this sounds odd to people who don’t think this way.

This is only one of numerous differences. My senses, for example, aren’t distorted, but different, if not more open to the world (to the detriment of the part of my mind that has to process everything that I sense). And having an active, thought-based connection to people is helpful when understanding social understood people tend to assume. The list goes on, it’s all because of autism, and it’s all part of me.

I suspect that this is true of your son, as well. His existence will be colored by autism. It’s largely choice to consider that a good thing or a bad thing, but I’ve come around to liking the differences at a basic level.

It’s true that my mental differences are somewhat at odds with the world I live in. My mind is not something people easily relate to, but that doesn’t necessarily devalue it. It’s a practical concern, but I wouldn’t put practical concerns over a unique and interesting life anytime.

I would also say that I have the complete faith that your son is more than ready for the challenges the world will present him. It’s clear (just through the language you use) that you are going to be a great, compassionate parent, and a true asset in his life, and I think he will learn and grow with the experience. Is it easy? No. Is it rewarding? Looking back at much of it, I can say so with certainty.

Oh, and the very fact that it’s a digital hug makes it easy enough to include you as far away as Greece. It makes the experience all the more rewarding, anyway.

Cliff

Cliff,
It’s true that life is not meant to be easy and it’s the challenges we face that make it interesting and even worth living it. I also agree that a person can use difficulties to improve himself/herself and acquire the essential strength to cope with life in general. Don’t you agree though, that it is unfair for autistic people to be judged and mis-judged for things that are beyond their control? I think you know what I’m talking about. One can benefit from the challenges s/he faces when s/he is capable of dealing with them (and I don’t mean the easy way). When circumstances occur that are too much for a person to cope with, the effect is exactly the opposite. And that goes for non-autistic people, too. I want you to know that I admire you for the person you managed to be and I hope that when my son grows up will be able to see his autism as a part of himself, like you do. I say that only because I know that he has to live with autism. But, I still think, that if there was a way for him to get rid of autism, I would be willing to spent all the money I have and everything I possess, even give up my own life, in order for him to achieve that.
Finally, I hope this “digital hug”, when it occurs, will be large enough to include me in another and far away part of the world, Greece.

I understand the desire to eliminate all the obstacles in one’s life. But, really, though the phrasing could be better, humans really do grow and thrive on conflict. Let’s take someone earning a PhD (extend this to any activity that you feel is personal to you, as you desire). Did the student work hard for the PhD. Yes (hopefully, anyway). Might the student, in the moment, wish there was less work. Yes. But, looking back, would the person find all that work important in valuing the outcome (the PhD or whatever you chose) and in developing personally as one who has a PhD. Yes.

That’s not to undermine the challenges autistics face; being an autistic, it’s a whole lot more to deal with than becoming a doctor. But, even with bouts of depression, severe stress, numerous daily challenges, and the adknowlegement that it may well never be easier than my worst moment, I wouldn’t miss any of it, and I wouldn’t miss what I had. I grew so much because of it all, and I’m proud of it.

In fact, people and society at large seem to value having come through conflict a better person. If that weren’t true, a whole generation would be without horrible “I walked uphill in the snow to school both ways” variations. If that weren’t so, the whole “challenging environment” value for schools wouldn’t exist. Heck, the whole puzzle industry would go under.

On the other hand, moderation is nice, especially with the extremes that autistics tend to face. That’s why some therapies exist for people, not just autistics, and why people often take classes to learn how to manage their lives (on a tangent, martial arts, and particular Tai Chi, have done wonders for me). And people should have a break. But if life was only relaxation, it would, at a minimum, be a very uneventful world, and the highs that people experience wouldn’t really exist, and highs really do come out of, by overcoming, a conflict.

And, yes, I want to participate in a digital group hug.

Cliff