The Definition of Cheating

Dealing with the past is one of the most difficult challenges in relationships.  And the most difficult issue to move on from and leave in the past is definitely cheating.  If you are in a relationship where you or your partner has cheated, you are probably going through one of the greatest struggles of your life.  You probably feel pain, confusion, guilt, lack of self-worth, anger, and many other extreme emotions that interfere with all aspects of your life and make you doubt who you are.  But what should you do next?  Where do you and your partner go from here?

Every cheating situation is extremely different, so every situation should be handled with its own set of circumstances.  Most people try to make a strong statement “Cheating is simple.  It is unforgivable,” but I have seen a variety of situations where specific circumstances have challenged this statement.  I am writing a series of Relationship articles about the difficult situation of cheating and how a couple can avoid, analyze, and move forward from this hurtful behavior.

The Definition of Cheating

What is considered cheating?  If you are dealing with someone who has cheated, they may try to stretch the definition to fit their situation.  It is important to remember that the definition that is important to you is the one that you should enforce.  “We weren’t really together” and “At least we didn’t have sex” are all common excuses that rely on fuzzy definitions of cheating to defend their cheating.  The physical act of sex is only one small aspect of cheating.  Sex is the physical evidence that can never be erased, so it usually finds itself at the absolute center of cheating arguments.  Although the visual images can haunt your partner for life, it is not the biggest issue that you need to deal with and it does not define whether or not cheating has actually occurred.

Cheating doesn’t really need to be defined in any exclusive relationship because pushing the limits with someone outside of your relationship is definitely considered hurtful behavior.  If you are in a committed relationship, then be committed.  Don’t engage in any questionable behavior that involves a strong sexual connection with someone other than your partner.  Extensive close conversations or private email exchanges fall into the cheating category if they involve feelings for another person.

If you’re not sure if your behavior is inappropriate, my advice is:  Ask yourself if you would be tempted to lie about the situation if your partner asked about it.  If you find yourself tempted to lie, then you are engaging in inappropriate behavior that needs to stop unless you are ready to move down the road towards infidelity.

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