The Feminine Mistake
March 24, 2008 by Tracee Sioux
Filed under Parenting
I’ve not yet read the new feminist manifesto, The Feminine Mistake
t imagine a workplace that changes to meet the needs of both the genders upon which it relies for labour.”
“Family law courts, working conditions, and employment discrimination are all untouchable. They and their inequities are facts of life. It is you, lady who will need to adapt to survive,” writes Blue Milk.
“Regardless of the book’s polarising nature I became convinced that all mothers should spend some time in self-reflection considering their contingency plans. What if they had to do it all alone, what would they do and how would they do it? Even if those plans are ridiculously optimistic it would pay to consider what they might be,” Blue Milk continued.
From reading Blue Milk’s review I wonder as well, As mothers and women – who claim stay-home, work part-time, work freelance and contract, or work-at-home status, or even take time off during the children’s early years – are we making an educated choice with a full understanding of its consequences?
Are we understanding the math? Or are we ignoring the math?
Do we realize that while we make our choice in the best interest of the whole family – it is we, alone, who takes the massive financial risk? If we realize it why are we passively accepting it?
If we were sane about it wouldn’t we be taking aggressive action to lower our risk while championing our stay-at-home status through political action groups like Momsrising?
In a society where there is a 50% divorce rate and women we know are retiring in abject poverty due to divorce after 25-30 year marriages, long after the children have moved on with their own lives, it is a valid question to ask “Have we gone mad? Where is our sense of self-preservation? Have we overly romanticized self-sacrifice to the detriment of ourselves and our daughters?
I’m going to read this book. I’d love for some others to pick up a copy and join me in a lively debate about it’s contents. Blue Milk ’s insightful review is a very good start. It will give you a taste of how thorough Bennett’s logic is.
After a four years of living together, my husband and I married in 93. We had a daughter in 94 and another in 96. He was adamant that I stay at home. I had a wonderful career I loved – nursing. So after long discussion, running the numbers and so on. I decided to become a SAHM in 94. In 98 my husband had back surgery and went wacko on the pain meds. In 99 he lost his wonderful job and took what he could find for a year. I also went back to work. He had depleted us completely, as I would find out standing in the grocery line one day. Depleted not only monetary but emotionally. That’s when I found out my husband had an addiction problem. At that moment “I” was broke. “I” had a mortgage. “I” had two car loans. “I” had two daughters to take care of. I was broken inside. Within a week of this devastating news I was back nursing and my girls in daycare (after being home with me for almost 5 years) I will never forget that first day back!! He and I tried to ride it out, he was clean for a while, mostly not. Fast forward October 2002. I got the call, he had ODd and passed away. I was scared out of my mind. Thankfully, I had my job and the girls were in school by this time. I had to make a decision a few months afterwards. Everything began to take a toll on me. I was in a house with too much room, too much mortgage and too many memories (painful) for me and two small kids. With the money the girls and I received from Survivor Benefits, some life insurance, and savings I had started, I decided to sell our home and downsize. I wanted to be back at home with the girls. I wanted to be there for them. I was able to do this and am still keeping it going. It takes careful planning but for right now it is worth it to me. My fear is when I retire, and its NOT that far away, the way time flies….I’m terrified about going back into the workplace. I am pretty sure I will have to re-enter at some point. I have health issues now that prevent me from doing so at this time. But it is certainly something that I think about quite a bit. Thankfully the kids and I have insurance plans, but nothing compared to what I would have if I had a “company plan”. Every woman needs to have a back up plan, just in case.
Thank you so much for sharing that with us Spoiled Mom.
Spoiled mom – my husband and I have been through something similar – mine is thankfully still alive though and has been recovering for the last year and a half. I don’t think people realize how much of an epidemic it is – or how quickly it leads to financial disaster.. I’m sorry for you and your girls – you’re in my prayers.
Thanks Ashley, I am so glad your husband is in recovery and remains. It really is an epidemic. It is equal opportunity, no matter race, gender, or economic status. And when it takes hold, it is vicious. You and yours are in my prayers as well.
Tracee: Thanks again!
Chrissy
Spoiled Mom – wow, you have been through a lot. I am really glad you had insurance, savings and your nursing degree to fall back on. Addiction is one of those things that can devastate a marriage and family. I hope things get better for you and your girls.
Thanks Violet! In the beginning I had nothing. All I had was my degree at the time. I had been at home for 5 years, and he secretly went through our savings. Everything else came a lot later. Of course I had my insurance through work. But now I have to pay dearly for a family plan. We have learned that “things” do not make you happy. The savings was what I saved and some of the equity from the house sale. I remember coming home from work and after getting the girls home from after school care (another expense) and just eating together,that was the best thing in my day, and it still is. Sure, we still had our house, it was my decision to sell, but I was teetering very near the edge of losing it. I had to make hard decisions that would not effect not only me but the girls as well.
Through God, perseverance, and sheer determination, we have a home and each other.
I’ll be voting for you and all others like you in this election – in need of more affordable equal access to healthcare Chrissy.
im so glad i found your blog, Tracee!! It’s Fabulous!! LOL
So are all the posters as well!
Yes!! All of us “Fabulous women” solidify to get out and vote and make a difference!
Spoiledmom,
I’ll keep you in my prayers..You should be SO proud of yourself. You’ve done good. You too Ashley, for what you’ve been through.
I’m so glad my blog found you Spoiled Mom! Stick around – there’s lots more fun to be had.
Thanks Tarah. It’s been worth it – we have a (halleluiah) normal,quiet life now. God can move mountains for a family if they want him to..
LMAO at the rickrolling.
Spoiled Mom, and Ashley, I hope things continue to look up for you and your family.