The Grandparents Are Coming
November 1, 2008 by Kristina Chew, PhD
Filed under Health
Work has been unusually hectic lately for me: Students are registering for spring semester classes and I keep walking out of my office to see a couple of students looking at me expectantly, and telling me “they just need a few minutes.” I’ve been saying “I can meet next week because my parents here and right now I have to get home to meet my son’s schoolbus” and have only belatedly realized why the students look so puzzled: What does the arrival of my parents have to do with them getting into their preferred section of English 134?
It’s very simple: On-call babysitting, grandparents style.
More grandparents (grandmothers in particular) are “filling the child care breach,” the October 31st New York Times notes. My parents live in California and come out to see us a couple of times of year. Charlie’s their only grandson; he’s so fond of them that just mentioning a visit initially leads to massive panic and (last night on a subway) barely suppressed loud crying. Yes, he’s looking forward to seeing them, but he’s also anticipating when they leave and how he’ll miss them.
We’ve tried picture schedules and calendars and social stories to make my parents’ stays, and the expectation of them, less anxiety-ridden. Recently, Jim and I concluded, the anxiety in Charlie is something he truly feels and it has to be gotten through. We figured he would get upset and vocalize about it—-and get over the anxiety, eventually.
Because grandparents—if I may use the word (after yesterday’s discussion)—-are really truly special, and that’s meant from the heart.
My sister moved to another state last year. She comes to town on business several times a year, but even though her visits are not that much more infrequent than before, Buddy Boy often starts crying shortly after she arrives, because he is anticipating her leaving.
Joe
My mother is coming for three weeks in December, also from CA. My kids love it when she visits. She is coming out a little longer so she can be there for their Holiday school fests and music shows, and we are taking the kids to ride the Polar Express in NH. They love having Grandma to play with and show her special things they have made.
It is hard when she leaves, we are all sad, and it is especially hard since my father died 4 years ago. The boys talk about her last visit at least once a week, even though it was a year ago. They express their anxiety about her leaving in different ways, it is something we have learned to just live through. In a way, it helps me express my sadness about her leaving, too. I have always had trouble expressing emotions, my kids have helped me learn to express them (identify them as well!).
I just wish my father were here to see both my wonderful boys. He would have loved to see his last grandson (he died suddenly 2 months before my youngest was born), and he would have loved to see A blossom over the last few years like he has, in his own unique way. At least A remembers him, and I have pictures of them together. He will not be forgotten. He truly was the world’s best babysitter!
One for my mom:
Grandmothers As Caregivers Can Cut Risk Of Childhood Injury In Half