Also it took me years before i could clip the fingersnails on my right hand because my left hand is slightly atrophied from surgery I had on it.

Dang. If they locked people up for not agreeing with Bush not only would I be in jail but millions of other people…
They’d have to have a huge dungeon or something…. Since his approval rating is 28%. Slightly ot.

Yes, sometimes I was forgetful (it took me 5 grocery trips in 2 days to remember to buy milk, once), or anxious (I’ve definitely had more hand gestures/flapping since moving to Melbourne), or lost track of responsibilities (I’m still working on my dissertation, 6 months after moving back to the US). Yes, I’m finding it very difficult to find a job, because I don’t have the skill to present myself well on paper (I’m told I’m charming in person, even if I don’t make eye-contact well), and I’m afraid my peace corps application will go nowhere because I was so harassed at the VA hospital in DC. But I remember to shower, and brush my teeth, and pay my bills on time. I guess it’s all okay in the end.

When I think of “interdependence”, it is because Alex will probably always be a little more dependent in some ways than many people. I want to help him learn to problem solve, so he can identify a problem, think about possible different solutions and which one would be best for him, and then learn who to ask for help, so that he is more in control of his “interdependence” upon others. A lot of people are physically unable to do certain things for themselves, but they can ask the right person to do things for them, giving the person control over areas in their life that they can’t actually do independently. I am teaching him who the right people are to help him with certain things. As he grows older, I want to teach him how to discern if someone is trying to take advantage of him or is taking his choices away from him when it is his right to make those choices.

Maybe it is that I don’t really like the negative way “dependence” is used a lot, and “interdependence” to me means the person has more control over themselves while still needing others more than an average person in society. Maybe it is that in the USA, “dependence” has a negative connotation with someone else being in control, at least, from my perspective as a physician.

When I lived in Austria, it was so different, people there are much more connected to their families and social network, from childhood, and the norm is more multi-generational families in the same house, and the elderly or differently abled are treated more as part of the family with something to contribute, and dependence is not seen so negatively. They don’t warehouse people like I see here. They are more integrated into society from what I could see. And it is more accepted.

However, an issue for me in dependency is not that garden-variety interpersonal relationship of give-and-take and “lean on me”, but the kind of dependency that sets someone up to be in a position of relative powerlessness in potentially not being given choices and decisionmaking in vocation and leisure, and in some situations of residential care, the basics of what to eat, wear, play, privacy v. company, when to sleep, etc.
No one has perfect liberty and control at all times, nor do I think that is necessarily optimum, but I feel development of independence gives one more choices and options. Interdependence is a good goal, but I also think that it is going to be rely on the specific circumstances of the relationship.

I kind of feel like we are all dependent upon other people for all sorts of things in our lives, no matter who we are, so needing a little more help with things is a part of society. No one is truly “independent”, we need farmers and truck drivers and grocers to get our food, we need health professionals at various points in our lives, we need bankers, we really need everyone, are dependent on everyone to some extent.

My son already is “interdependent”! And he continues to grow and learn more every day!

Like I emailed you, I smile every time I drive past the new group home down the road from us! A little place for “interdependence”, my son may live there someday!

As for nail clipping, we have been lucky there, as well as with tooth brushing and haircutting. We started these routines when the kids were very young, using appropriate supports and finding a wonderful hair stylist who’s son is also autistic, so she doles out the smarties or skittles and talks him through it. Nails get clipped in the bathtub. No fuss, been doing it since he was a baby. Tooth brushing and dental visits since getting teeth in, our dentist has a whole desensitization process, this week he allowed the dentist to scrape off the plaque and polish his teeth! I started using a small rotating toothbrush for him 6 months ago and he is used to it now! Small steps!