The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom
Via Char, I learned of a new TLC “reality” show called The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom.
The premise:
…each one-hour The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom broadcast will follow a different mother as she abandons a life normally guided by her children’s schedule to instead focus on career goals she previously gave up on.
Each episode will conclude with the mom either deciding to “pursue her new dual life” or return to her family, secure in the fact that motherhood is the only occupation for her.
Holy smokes, I don’t even know where to begin.
Aside from the blatant sensationalism, don’t start me on the term “soccer mom”, and the fact that she has to lie to her family for this undertaking (families think the mom is a a spa or something when she’s actually at a job), my biggest beef with what I’ve read?
The entire premise of the show appears to treat a mother’s employment as a lark, or a game to be played if she up and decides she wants to work.
I’m willing to venture a guess, though not a scientific one, that most working mothers need to work, and, it’s not a game. If they need to work, they’re at work, and, not “trying it out” because their husbands have the “real” job.
I watch as much TV as the next person (My new fascination? American Idol and the tales of Danny Noriega and David Archuleta to be specific. Yeah, I know.), so, I’m not going to wail about the decline of society due to reality TV, but, this one bugs me.
I’m with you! That just reeks of all kinds of wrong. This statement, “secure in the fact that motherhood is the only occupation for her”, really bugs me. I don’t really like motherhood being referred to as an “occupation”. We’re mothers, not employees! You never stop being a mom. That’s a pretty big pet peeve of mine, the “professionalizing” of motherhood.
This is one that won’t get my vote or my viewing time…hey I am too busy being a mom anyway!
i agree!
and why is every episode have a married woman. What about the single moms whose husbands left them and they’ve had to give up everything! dont you think they want a chance too!
Hey- I interviewed Tracey today about the show. I had some of the same issues, but I think the whole premise is kind of interesting. Going to link back to you because I think you raise some good points.
While your bitterness is endearing, this was probably not meant to be a snipe at working women everywhere but a chance for ’stay at home’ moms do rediscover a part of themselves. Raising children is hard work and sometimes there isn’t much sense of selfleft at the end of the day. Is it really such a bad thing to take a week off and do something for yourself for once? Geex, take a chill pill. It’s an experiment and if you don’t like the premise you don’t have to give them your ratings points.
“Jane”, while your anonymity is just as endearing, why must it be a game for stay at home mothers to “rediscover a part of themselves?”
I think it’d bug me if I were a stay at home mother, too.
I’m watching the show right now, Elizabeth, and for the most part I’m enjoying it. To your point about sensationalism, I think anything that gets on TV will have to have some level of it.
What I think is important about this show is that it is shining a spotlight on a really important issue that my readers consistently have a hard time with – reentering the workforce after being a stay at home mom for a long period of time.
It’s an extremely difficult transition to make for any woman – and even though this show isn’t really a realistic picture of what a woman would have to do in real life, I do think it serves an important part of the equation – giving women the inspiration to do what it takes to reenter the workforce if they want to.
The biggest stumbling block I’ve heard from my readers about this transition is the self-esteem issues they deal with. They know they are great women, and they know they are great moms. But they doubt their professional skills because they have been out of the loop for 5-15+ years.
I think anything that helps to boost up their confidence in this area is a good thing – even though the methods, as you point out, leave a little to be desired.
PS – hate the having to lie to their family part, and I don’t see what purpose it serves at all!!
I’ve been waiting two weeks to see this show. Having gotten both kids off to sleep and with my husband dozing as well, I was able to focus fully. The show completely exceeded my expectations, though based on the ads, I had thought 3 women would be featured during each episode. Having Tracey Gold host, a woman who has previously struggled with anorexia and who appeared quite pregnant, added a good dose of reality to the show by underscoring the balancing act of work and motherhood that many moms strive for. While there were some rough spots the show will need to address (e.g. the lying to the husband I found unbelievable), SLSM speaks to scores of women like myself who have put their career aspirations on hold either short-term or long-term in order to fulfill the notion of being “a good mom” by staying home full-time. Having been home for nearly 2 years and now beginning to return to work, my understanding of “a good mom” has been greatly influenced and challenged by the many full-time working and stay-at-home moms I know and by my own struggles and striving to honor my ambitions and my commitments to my family. I think the show rocks!
disclaimer – I didn’t see the show and wouldn’t have even know about it if not for others blogging about it. I will watch it next time to see what it really touches on.
It’s unrealistic to think that most of us work in our “dream careers”…I would certainly be less conflicted I if were.
I agree with Elizabeth – I don’t know anyone who considers their career or family “a game” – whether they work or stay home.
And for Wendy’s comment above (she first tipped me off to this show on her blog) – women coming back into the workforce have good reason to doubt their professional skills after so many years. I work with computer security and technology and being out for 5 years would make me less knowledgable that a recent college grad!
grrr. The more I read about this show, the more I hate it.
I actually loved this show. Yes, a large part of it was very strange, and it did feel staged. But I empathized with how scared and overwhelmed she felt being thrown into a stressful and hostile work environment after so much time away….I admired her for sticking with it….I loved her success..I was touched by her husband’s support for her (even while it looked like he was secretly hoping she would stay at home!)…and I was SO glad she chose what she felt would complete her. I actually thought she would choose to stay at home, and I found myself yelling “YES, YES!” when she accepted the job. The show made it abundantly clear in a visceral way how hard it is to juggle a career and family, and how important it can be to do it anyway, even if financially you don’t “have” to. FYI, I’m one of the SAHMs described above who has lost self-confidence in her professional skills, and who has gotten much too much in the habit of ignoring her own needs to those of the family’s. The show really gave me hope!
I HATED the show and just finished blogging about it. What bothered me the most aside from all the things done to make for “good” TV, is how it once again brought us back to the mommy wars. The idea that one choice is better than the other and that we have to even make that choice is just wrong. I would much rather see a show that focuses on moms who have found a way to “have it all”.
In all honesty, it pissed me off. There really is a stigma that unless the woman works she’s not being productive and I can tell you as a full time SAHM, that’s absolute BS. I’m training my children and teaching them to be productive adults. I had no career in mind when I became a mom. Being a SAHM WAS my dream and to be a good wife to my hubby and homeschool my kids. I don’t believe that anybody can truly “have it all” without family or job being shortchanged….and usually its the family that gets shortchanged.
SLSM feels like it belongs to another decade in which stereotypical gender roles are perpetuated by the television program. Moms are expected to stay home while fathers work and fail as child care providers.
While I love seeing professional women in real life and on reality television achieving personal career goals and being recognized for their talents as individuals, the stark contrast (created on the show) between that and being a mother is disheartening. SLSM should not have created such a dynamic between being a mom and being in the work force, as if a woman has to belong to one mutual exclusive category and lack in other facets of her life. The average American woman is not faced with the dilemma of “you can get with this or you can get with that,” but exists with her wardrobe of many hats.
I think TLC failed to consider its audience during the development stages of the show. Limiting the episodes to focusing on white, middleclass, married, heterosexual families is not representative of American women who have children. Presenting one type of woman (a “soccer mom”) does not include the rest of us.
The message being sent out to college age women, like myself, is a discouraging one. I would acknowledge any woman my age who felt disturbed after seeing the show; wondering if she too will have to choose between being a mom or having a career, when she wants both.
SLSM failed to represent women (and men) as being well-rounded and capable of fulfilling a multiplicity of duties at home and abroad. The show forcing women to chose and depicting their lifestyles as one-dimensional is unrealistic, uninspiring and sends a bad message out to prospective mothers and workers.
I was very disappointed by the decision made by the woman featured in this evening’s episode of SLSM. Talk about stereotypical gender roles! This talented mother of 4 simply was not willing to challenge her husband’s chauvanism in order to honor her personal aspirations and her family’s financial well-being. I thought the other officer featured served as an excellent role model. I would like to see more women of color featured in upcoming episodes.
Wow, you did not like the decision that she made? Oh Well! After Daycare and gas who was going to take care of her four beautiful kids? YOU? Would you give her support? She said she had no family around and no one to help. Her husband were speaking up for her children and they did not look like they were having any money problems….She probably did the show to see if she could do it and she did, she did not know they were going to offer her the job. Good for her! Remember it is a t.v. show – she has the best job in the world!
Ah, nothing like having a washed-up actress — who endagered her kids lives by not only racking up a DUI, but a DUI which caused a car flip injuring them!!!! — host a show in which about self-indulging women who put themselves first. Seems just up Tracey Gold’s alley. Tsk.
I don’t see any self-indulging women putting themselves first on this show. I see women who have let go of their dreams, or put them on hold, in order to put their families first.
I don’t think this show has to send a message that is a role model to college aged women. Yes, the ideal is that you are able to “have it all,” both a career and a family. OR, to phrase it very differently, to have what you need to feel good in your life — every person, every woman, deserves to live a life that is fulfilling TO HER. If you are fulfilled by being a fulltime mom, that is fabulous, go for it, but don’t insist that everyone who doesn’t feel the same is bad. There is a sizeable chunk of mothers who inspite of being excellent mothers do not feel complete by being fulltime caretakers, and they are entitled to pursue lives in which they live to the fullest of their potential. The problem is that the family often does not have enough support in our society (the extended family, the affordable daycare etc) to allow both parents to do that.
It is never self-indulgent, wrong or selfish to seek a life that makes you whole. You can do it in a way that your spouse and children can also get what they need to be happy productive individuals. I enjoy this show! I love watching these amazing women jump to the challenge of overcoming their self-doubts and proving they have what it takes to do something they’ve always wanted to do.
Yes. This show indeed hits a nerve. So they are onto something dynamic. I have watched it 3 times, two of those times the full episode. I will not watch again.
I think it misses the mark in so many ways. The title, host (DUI w/ kids in the car!? where should I start); the husband comes off looking like a buffoon and to a certain extent the women too. At one point the soccer mom makes a statement about how wonderful it is being a mother/SAHM and its the best ‘job’ in the world and in the next frame, she is stating how incomplete she is. Give me a break. I think these women have bigger issues than any new job/’career’ can fix.
I would like to see the soccer mom challenge the potential employer back at the end of the show and request an employment position with flex-hours or reduced-hours schedule so they can strike a better work/life balance. I would tell her ,’lady, the grass is always greener’. You think you are missing out on life now? Just wait until you are back working in your dream career 50-60 hours a week for an extremely demanding small, privately-owned fashion firm or an events company where you work crazy hours. I give these women 6 months tops before they are a wreck and even more miserable. I felt no connection with these women.
At the end of the day, there is no one choice for anyone. I have observed that women leave the workforce 1) b/c their child has special needs and their decision is purely emotional; 2) they don’t make enough money to make it worthwhile to continue to work or/& have a crummy job 3) they have hit the marriage lottery with the husband making enough for the entire family 4) their husband doesn’t want them working or they have always dreamed of staying at home.
Further, I have yet to witness very many women re-enter the work force successfully at jobs / in careers comparable in compensation to what they left prior to kids. I have observed many moms end up in retail b/c they can’t get back into their former career.
If this program was revamped, it would appeal to a broader audience, maybe even the big networks and me!