The Twelve Steps Working To Release Depression?

In 1958 Bill W. found himself asking this question, “Why can’t the Twelve Steps work to release depression?”

First things first, in 1993, with almost 4 years sober, I was diagnosed as a “depressive.” My sponsor was with me when this happened. It is a much longer story than what you’ll see now but it revolved around my divorce.

Therefore, for me, depression involves relationships and my need for attention and my need to be needed.

Bill understood. He wrote a letter to a fellow AA member and talked about depression and – LOVE.

Go figure…

Bill found himself staring at the St. Francis prayer, “It is better to comfort than to be comforted.” He knew he was looking at the answer yet he couldn’t see it!

Then, he says;

“Suddenly I realized what the matter was … My basic flaw had always been dependence, almost absolute dependence on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and the like. Failing to get these things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had fought for them. And when defeat came so did my depression.”

And then, the answer;

“There wasn’t a chance of making the outgoing love of St. Francis a workable and joyous way of life until these fatal and almost absolute dependencies were cut away.

Reinforced by what grace I could secure in prayer, I found I had to exert every ounce of will and action to cut off these faulty emotional dependencies upon people, upon AA, indeed upon any set of circumstances whatsoever.

Then only could I be free to love as Francis had. Emotional and institutional satisfactions, I saw, were really the extra dividends of having love, offering love, and expressing a love appropriate to each relation of life.

Plainly, I could not avail myself of God’s love until I was able to offer it back to Him by loving others as He would have me. And I couldn’t possibly do that as long as I was victimized by false dependencies.

For my dependency meant demand … a demand for the possession and control of the people and the conditions surrounding me.

This seems to be the primary healing circuit, an outgoing love of God’s creation and His people, by means of which we avail ourselves of His love for us. It is most clear that the real current can’t flow until our paralyzing dependencies are broken, and broken at depth. Only then can we possibly have a glimmer of what adult love really is.

If we examine every disturbance we have, great or small, we will find at the root of it some unhealthy dependency and its consequent demand. Let us, with God’s help, continually surrender these hobbling demands. Then we can be set free to live and love; we may then be able to gain emotional sobriety.”

Rick, I owe you a huge debt of gratitude for what you taught me about this “stuff!” Thanks… (And one more hat tip to the West Baltimore Group for doing a wonderful job supplying the letters from Bill W.)