The Weight Of My World

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by some of my relationships right now. I’m not always sure what is expected of me and playing a guessing game can be tricky. Sometimes I guess wrong.

My kids are in a very needy phase, which yeah, I’m Mom, so taking care of them is my job, but is it too much to expect two kids 16 and 17 to get themselves up and ready for school? (I am their alarm clock, complete with snooze, ride to the bus or school, etc).

Is it too much to expect them to rinse a dish? Or to take out the garbage?  I do all the rest of the chores – they are expected to do their own laundry. They never do their own laundry. I end up doing some part of it, folding, switching, getting it started. I hear from daughter all the time about how much she hates living in my house, how I’m so unfair, how she wants to be on her own.

Go ahead, honey, but you are going to have to do for yourself there. You know, she once told her boyfriend, who also lives with us, that she wanted to move into the apartment complex next to ours because, “We are going to need Mom to drive us places.” Seriously. She said that. She does not understand why that makes me laugh.

In my romantic realtionship, I feel that we need to spend some time together in order to move forward. We are stuck in this holding pattern that is forced upon us by the limits of time and distance and…….well they are biggies. We don’t need any more limits. We have talked and I am sure that he is someone that I want to spend my future with, but right now I feel so much frustration.

I keep trying to think of how I can spend money that I don’t have to fly to Denver to spend the night. Just one night. I can’t spend more time away from my son than that. Or if I can, I’m not aware of it because nobody says, hey, I can see that this is important to you and you’ve helped me, so go, be with your man, get to know him better, I’ll help with the kids……

See how negative I am right now?  I do not like it when I get like this.