I have 3 kids with autism diagnoses and I can’t define levels of “functioning” for anyone.

Each one is affected differently, each one has different strengths and weaknesses.

Where we are, services are OK — not stellar, but we’re in a much better position than some of the other commenters here.

Our oldest had 5 words at 14 months and 0 at 15 months. Big flag for autism there. He got a diagnosis from a pediatric neurologist and we got him private speech and occupational therapy, and got him into the PPCD program in our school district about 6 months after his 3rd birthday.

Our younger kids were in the Early Intervention program for speech delays and then had their cases handed over to the school district before their 3rd birthday. There was an evaluation, someone with credentials in diagnosing developmental disabilities came up with “mild to moderate autism” for both, and they started PPCD on their 3rd birthday and have been doing well in that program.

Nothing here is quite autism-specific, I’ve heard some positive things about another school district in the area that might be better – but the specific people involved know a fair bit about autism and are becoming experts on our particular children, and unless there were a really compelling reason, I wouldn’t move any of them to another program. It may not be the complete ideal for any of them, but it’s good, and they’re all learning, which is the whole point of school, right? (And they’re not separating the twins, which is probably better for one of them in that he doesn’t do as well in school when his sister isn’t there, and he got very upset one day when he lost sight of her for a minute when it was time to go home — he needs her more than any casual observer might think.)

1) I’ve been married awhile, my oldest was 5 weeks old on our 10th wedding anniversary. We’re not divorcing, autism or no, anything more serious or no. We’re just not divorcing, period.

2) We have a friend with an autistic son; we didn’t meet her on account of her having an autistic son, we just met a neat person and then found out about that. She is divorced, but she says her son’s autism didn’t cause the divorce, but it accelerated the process — that marriage was not going to last either way, period. (And before anyone starts beating up the dad, the boy is living with the dad more than the mom right now, and the dad is a good dad.)

I wish I could see that same acceptance amongst their parents. There seems to be some bizarre competition amongst them….who is more “afflicted”? Who is more “competent”?

I have been thinking today about how some say that an “hfa” “AS” person cannot represent a child who is “severely autistic”—as you point out, parents are just as much on a “spectrum.”

The notion of “autisms” is also mentioned here—-I think of it as another way to refer to the spectrum.

Your comment was a mini-essay about so many things—am still reflecting on it.

The acceptance is no mystery. Those of us with autism understand each other in the same way that non-autistics understand each other. The body and facial language is familiar and understood. Before I was diagnosed I noticed that I had an easier time communicating with kids I knew that were diagnosed on the spectrum than others around us. It didn’t occur to me why until more recently.

I also have an easier time communicating with my autistic son than my non-autistic ex-wife does.

In the Boston area we are surrounded by top hospitals and schools specifically for children with AS. It is a constant battle for services for our son. My son attends our public school system and we fight every day…prior to having children I was a guidance counselor so I know about school politics. Schools around here cannot diagnose children with anything. I am surprised that your school diagnosed your son with ADD. Medication is very ugly. Prior to being a guidance counselor I worked as a mental health counselor on a locked psychiatric unit for children for children ages 3-16. Medication in my experience seems to breed more medication and more problems…although, some parents and practicioners claim it is needed. We will not use it for my son. We have sought many services for our son to help him navigate the social and educational environment. We began seeking services through our early intervention program at age 2 with the help of our developmental pediatrician. We have found that private pediatricians, nuerologists, occupational therapists and speech therapists are most beneficial in guiding the way. They do not have an agenda so to speak. We have attended every conference and seminar offered in our area…and read every book we could get our hands on. We have networked with Autism groups, Sped Pacs in our own town and surrounding towns…obtained advocates and finally a lawyer…even after having all of these things, what helps our son the most….Small class size (which he doesn’t have…he’s in a class of 20 without an aide – this is why we are still advocating), visuals…which is why we created the choiceworks system…www.beevisual.com, occupational therapy…(trampoline, swimming – have access to this as much as possible) social skills with small group instruction and someone he connects with teaching concrete examples of WHY it is ok or not ok to say and do certain things at certain times. Teaching the unwritten rules of social behavior. When specific expectations are put into place and he understands why and everyone follows through with those expectations across environments…anxiety is diminished and we have a much happier child. We just need to work on the smaller class size. I am so concerned since this field is the least chosen by students entering college today…Parents, legislators and those currently in the field need to get cracken!

Best to you