Isis, Your philosphy is a good one. I am the mother of two teens and a Prevention Specialist for a substance abuse agency. I am fairly new at this work and was a bit daunted by my perception that our purpose is to stop every kid from using. But I was encouraged – both as an employee and as a parent – by the agency’s strategy of DELAYING the onset of use of alcohol, tobacco or other drugs (ATOD). For example, if a youth makes it to 10th grade without using alcohol, they are more likely to wait until they reach legal age to use alcohol. And if they wait until they reach legal age, they are less likely to become addicted to alcohol. While I may have not have the exact numbers, you can understand the concept. The statistics reinforce my statement.

As a parent, we can’t make all the life choices that we would like for our teens. And I still debate if relating my own mistakes is an effective way to discourage poor choices on their part. After all I had to live through my own mistakes to learn life lessons. But my parents’ views on life were still my foundation.

My kids know that I don’t want them to drink until they are of legal age. They have heard my speeches about the effects of drugs and alcohol on their still developing brains. They know that I don’t want to have grandkids until they have had the opportunity to live wonderful lives as a single adults.

All that I can do now is to keep talking so that my views are certain and pray that they make the right choices.

I’m a pragmatist. My daughter will have sex long before I want her to have sex. My mission is to delay, educate and teach safety first, not prevent.

—Isis

When it comes to my daughter, I’m going to recommend she stays away from alcohol. I’m downright allergic to vodka and alcoholism runs on both sides of the family.

Am I so naive to think she’ll listen to me? Of course not. But, if she starts experimenting just a year later than she did if I didn’t say ‘no’, I think I have done my job. If she doesn’t get completly plotzed the first party she goes to where there is alcohol, I’ve done my job. If she pauses to think if she is in safe company and has a sober ride home, I have done my job.

Temptation is the worst of all the evil one has to face. If I can help her be strong in the face of temptation, I’ve done my job.

The only way to fail at parenting seems to be giving up which is what so many parents seem to do. As long as there is a fight to be had and eyes being rolled, I’m probably doing okay… I hope.

—Isis