I wonder if one reason the representations emphasize the violent/disruptive behavior is that they’re genuinely unusual in a nonautistic world. I do wonder if, living with autism, you simply become inured, after a while.

We had a friend, her mother, and her two children over for Thanksgiving, and it was a fiasco. The older girl, who has the Inky Bottomless Stare, froggy gait, no social play, no greetings, and little language at 3.5, was a freaking tornado with no interest in her little brother unless he had something she wanted, and then she knocked him down. The most obvious difference between her and my daughter wasn’t in the language or the social connection; it was that she couldn’t be left unsupervised, because she was destructive and violent in ways that even much younger children are not. I regularly have toddlers over here, but they don’t start beating up the vertical blinds, slapping all the magnets off the fridge, or scattering newspapers everywhere. Usually they’re pretty well-behaved, and destruction’s limited to tearing leaves off plants.
My friend’s obviously used to wolfing her food because the child climbs on her, hits her, howls and cries, and really can’t be left alone just because Mama needs to eat. (It’s the same story with the kid down the block.)

I got out my daughter’s bouncing hop-a-long ball, the kind you sit on & bounce, and she liked that, but it provoked a sibling rivalry that ended up with the little bro knocked down a lot. My friend ended up having to take her family home early. A tremendous quiet and orderliness descended.

Yeah. If you’re not used to living with it, I think it’s the violence, yelling, and destruction that stand out in relief. And they’re what matter. There are other kids I know who are quite verbal, are snappy with the P2P connection, etc., but are just loud homewreckers, and again, that’s the key feature I notice.

Another reason that I would like to see more law enforcement and first responder training, as well as student training in how to respond in return, is the regrettable situation that I read about from time-to-time, where an older ASD kid really needs help because of being lost or ill or just trying to make his way home and being ends mistaken for someone committing a crime or acting “suspiciously”.
We had such a situation around here a time back and to make a long story short, a significantly challenged sick, cold, and lost teen ended up manhandled and prone restrained because the officers didn’t know how to communicate effectively with him and his behavior was confusing and contrary to the compliancy expected. It just escalated. I felt for the young man, and also to a lesser extent for the officers who I am pretty sure were at a loss for how to deal with the situation positively.

Our month has been “on and off” and here come the holidays.

My kids don’t fit the stereotype of “autism” so I have no one word to say when I need a “get out of jail free” card. If I say “autism” I get the “autism diagnoses are handed out like candy” look. I could say “agnesis of the corpus callosum” or “developmental disability” or a slew of other things that mean nothing to an onlooker. If I say nothing, I get the “your kids are out of control [or weird]” look. I tend to say nothing because I don’t think I need to label my child for them. I only explain where they need some modification and understanding if they are people we will see again and again. But sometimes the child in me screams… when you see it enough, hear it enough, feel it enough… sometimes you begin to think it’s true, that you really are an incompetent parent with out-of-control spoiled brats. What’s worse than thinking that of course is letting that way of thinking permeate my children.

Sorry. It’s been an off month.