Things NOT to say to a working parent
A few weeks ago, over at On Balance, Rebeldad had a great post about things NOT to say to work at home, or, work outside the home parents (Good grief, there are some nasty, nasty commenters there, btw).
I’ve been a parent for 13 years, and, I’ve heard a lot of stuff about working parents. I’ve been a smart alec longer than that, so, I have my prepared responses to some of the classics.
For the most part, I just let people say whatever they have to say, and, for all I know I may have inadvertently offended someone with something I’ve said.
Everyone is just too touchy about this stuff, sometimes.
But, every now and then, I’m inspired to speak up, much to most people’s dismay.
While I can’t speak to the work at home statements, or, the statements made to fathers in Brian’s post, I’ll try my hand at responding to the other statements:
# Did you know that daycare will mess your kid up? (Nah, we’re doing that pretty well all on our own, but, thanks.)
# I guess you have to work, right?(Well, it’s just that my kids are funny about wanting dinner every night, and, we like to indulge because we’re never home to see them.)
# Your husband/wife must stay home with the kids, right? (Bwhahahahaha!!)
# Will you be babysitting this weekend? (HATE this one when referring to a father. I usually don’t engage, but, I will say something about this one)
I will also add my all time favorite about daycare:
#I could never let a stranger raise my kids” (Hey, me neither, that’s why I always make sure I take them to their correct teacher each day. Good point, though. Oh, and, if they’re raising my kids, then they are totally slacking because I had to get up way early to meet the waffle demands Saturday morning. Where were they then, huh? )
Sometimes people are just rude, sometimes they just don’t understand what they are saying, but, people are going to say what they’re going to say about most any life situation, parenting just happens to be a big one in the media.
I’ve been a working parent for over 20 years, and I just have to say I love your answers. It also bugs me no end – always has – when fathers are asked if they’re “babysitting.” I would say yes only if they’re watching someone else’s kids. Also, I don’t think it’s ever been proven that keeping kids out of daycare guarantees that they WON’T be messed up, as your response to that comment notes.
But yes, sometimes people are rude and/or thoughtless. Sometimes they think their way is the only “right” way. Sometimes they want to validate their way by making anything else seem wrong by comparison. “Live and let live” seems pretty tough to do sometimes.
Oh, this is a huge pet peeve of mine that I could rant on about ad infinitum (don’t worry I won’t).
But personally, I have gotten more stupid “comments” that questions. For example, I had to leave work on time (not early, on time) to get home for my daughter. To which a co-worker commented, “Oh, I didn’t know you were divorced.”
JayMonster, Ouch!! Did you shoot a spitball at your coworker? Am trying hard to think of another appropriate response.
The 2yo here at my house has been confusing me lately by saying in the evenings, when we are already at home, “Go home!” You have to understand first off, he’s at that beginning sentence stage of language, and if he leaves off the subject like that, he’s referring to himself, not ordering you around. Usually.
So I always say, “2yo, you ARE at home!” And he looks confused.
Then we drove up to day care this morning — a very fine day care, which I love very much — and he says, “2yo go home!!!” and was very gleeful.
I said, “Wait a minute. THIS is home??”
Yes. Yes it was.
At least I know he likes it there.