Things We Should Teach Our Children
Given the tragic events that unfolded this week in Virginia – I’m sure many more parents across the globe are assessing the lessons they’ve taught or will teach their own children in hopes of keeping them safe.
Weary Parent shares a list of 13 Things We Need To Teach Our Teens that provides a great starting point.
I think those lessons are wonderful and are worthy of printing and hanging on the refrigerator door as a daily reminder.
I would like to offer up a very different perspective. One that most parents don’t realize when they come off with “they’re just being kids” or “boys will be boys” or when they choose to just stick their heads in the sand and not admit their child is a spoiled brat!
When I was a very young 11-year-old girl, I had a wonderful brother, Tony. Tony had been very ill most of his life with a rare kidney disease. Because of medication he had to take in order to live, Tony was overweight. As a result, my brother endured bullies, teasing, torment, emotional and physical abuse every single day.
The Fall of his 7th grade year we got on the bus just like any other day. And like every other day, we both cringed as the bus approached the mean kids house. The kid got on the bus and took his choice seat right behind my brother. This particular day, the kid grabbed my brothers homework and ripped it to shreds, took his pencils and broke them then tossed them on the floor.
The kid tried to coax Tony into a fight by asking him repeatedly “Wha’cha gonna do Bubba? Wha’cha gonna do?”
Then the kid took his class ring, turned it upside down and hit Tony in the head. Tony doubled over in pain as silent tears fell down his cheeks.
At that very instant, a hatred boiled inside me that wanted to kill that boy and it would only grow stronger in the coming months/years.
Tony exited the bus and went about his day at school like any other.
That evening when we arrived home, Tony didn’t say a word. He just went to his room. He’d asked me not to say a word and being the age I was, I thought I was doing him a favor. Looking back, I wish so much that I would have told.
The next morning we woke to get ready for school. Tony had been so ill most of his life, he rarely complained of any pain out of fear of going back into the hospital. But this particular morning was different. Tony was sobbing complaining of a headache.
I went on to school that day and mom was just about to get dressed to take Tony to the doctor when she heard him speak from the front room. When she entered the room, Tony was kneeling on the floor, looking up toward the ceiling with his hand out reached pleading, “Jesus hold my hand.”
That’s when Tony collapsed into a coma from a cerebral hemorrhage and would never gain consciousness again. Sixteen days later, at the age of thirteen, Tony passed.
Although I hold the gunman of Virginia Tech accountable for his actions, I can honestly admit that I can truly understand being in such a dark place that you would want someone to pay for their evil actions with their life.
Our local school claims to have a zero tolerance when it comes to bullies and I for one make sure that policy is enforced.
I’m so saddened for ALL the lives that were lost in Virginia, including the life of Cho.
In the case of Virginia Tech, so many people can sit back and ponder a zillion times… If Only…
But sometimes, the If Only comes too late.
Teach your children to respect EVERY fellow human! You just never know what their situation is, what their mental state is like or what illness they may be suffering from…and when something as simple as cruel words are enough to cost a life – or 33.
Gayla – this post gave me the chills! Thank you for sharing your perspective and I am sorry for your loss as well.
Char ~ When horrible things like this happen, I feel so especially torn, because I know the pain so well on both sides. I just wish others could know it too, before it’s to late.
Thanks for inspiring me with your list!
Gayla, I’m so very sorry for the loss of your brother. Hopefully after reading your story, parents will talk to their kids about how they treat each other.
Gayla,
I hope you don’t mind my asking this .. do you think the bully was resonsible for your brother’s head injury?
Do you know where that bully is today?
This was a great post. Thank you so much for sharing it with my readers too.
It’s definitely got that goose pimple factor that Char mentions.
(((hugs)))
Angela ~ When I finally revealed what had happened, and when I mention the hit to the head to doctors today, they say it could have had everything to do with his death.
I’ve always felt in my heart that if it wasn’t the actual hit, it was surely the stress and worry he went through every single day.
Three years after Tony passed away, the bully was out drinking with his cousin, driving in the country. Their car struck a tree at a high rate of speed. He didn’t survive.
I felt at that point, God made things right. Maybe that’s not exactly what happened, but it was how I was able to start to heal — And one of my biggest motivators to not be mean to other people.
Oh Gayla, I have tears streaming down my face… to think what you and your brother had to endure is just heartbreaking…
I watched a report on Sunday where they interviewed a boy at VA Tech who roomed with the shooter. He talked about how the guy never talked to anyone, never showed any emotion. My sister in law and I talked about this and we can’t understand why no one would try to befriend this guy…. it might have made a difference if just one person would have taken the time to befriend him instead of ignoring him… it really makes you wonder.
Gayla, I’m just now getting caught up on my commenting from the past couple of weeks, and came right over when I read your comment to my post.
Gayla, I was absolutely horrified when I read this. And my heart absolutely sunk. And at this moment, my eyes well up. I realize you told the story to ensure we teach our children to respect others, but I can’t get beyond Tony saying, “Jesus, please hold my hand.” I can’t get past that. I absolutely can’t get past that image. I’m so very sorry this happened to your brother. I can’t imagine having gone through this with him.
Thank you for sharing this post. I will most definitely be sharing it with my readers.
KWiz ~ It meant a lot to my family too. On the back side of Tony’s headstone is a child’s hand reaching up and the hand of Christ reaching down with Tony’s last words inscribed.
It was his final words that made his passing the tiniest bit easier, as if anything could. It’s all we had.
Thanks for sharing his story.