Thoughts about Mother’s Day

I admit I’m having a hard time as Mother’s Day (this Sunday) approaches, it will be the first one since my mother died last year. I have a hard time on Sundays, anyway, so, I’m really not looking forward to it.

It’s weird, it’s not like we did anything really big for it, or, anything, but, it’s just another “first” we have to go through.

The advertising, and, gift guides that abound don’t bother me, nor do people talking about their plans. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m not sure it has to do with Mother’s Day at all.

It was about a year ago that she began to decline pretty rapidly. It was a scary time for me, and, there are annual events coming up that remind me of that time, and, I associate acute episodes in her illness with them.

For example, I was at a community picnic when I found out she had such a hard time breathing she had to take morphine for the first time. That was very significant for her, as, it was something she’d never would have done otherwise, and, now I feel kind of ill at the thought of the picnic coming up.

Eh, I shall get over it, I just need to make new associations since the events are enjoyable ones.