Thoughts on terminal illness
Our parish priest is very ill with pancreatic cancer. He is at home, but, declining rapidly.
He is well loved, and, it’s natural that people are concerned and upset. But, for some reason, every time I hear an update about him, I feel much like I did with my own mother. It’s actually involuntary, I don’t realize I’m reacting until I tense up, or, have some non-specific worry going on in my mind.
When I heard hospice was called, I was all kinds of worried for him. Maybe it’s just that I have fairly recent experience with it, and, I can vividly imagine the visits, and, planning they do with him.
Part of it, too, is just how weird it is that everything has gone so fast. He was diagnosed at the end of August, and, was walking around school pretty much as usual just last week. Now, though they’re not really saying it, I suspect he’s unable to get out of bed.
I don’t know him extremely well, and, I’m not distraught or anything, my reaction has just kind of caught me off guard, and, I thought I’d share.
Elizabeth, everything you are experiencing is perfectly natural. I was my mother’s main caregiver and she passed away almost 8 years ago. Being aware of another soon to be death seems there are emotions that arise and at first I did not know what to do with them. Now I realize that time does not really erase any of this
It is just a deep wound that may have in time a covering over it but it will always be there.
So what you are experiencing is natural.
God Bless You
Same thing happened with Bro. Glenn. He was last in the pulpit July 22…gone September 11. Somebody like these guys…spiritual leaders, the ones WE go to when we are hurt, afraid, etc. It’s odd to know they’re in this way.
When you are surrounded by grief, it doesn’t take much to trigger it.
My mother’s in a nursing home and I have her cat. The cat was hurt and bleeding this morning, and it was very painful for me. I took my cat to the vet, but I’m sure that the feelings I had and the grief had little to do with the cat and much to do with my mother.
This sounds callous, but after watching so many people suffer for months and years before dying, pancreatic cancer’s swift pace seems merciful. I’m hoping for a bolt of lightning at age 92 while I’m outdoors doing something I love…..
Take care of yourself. You feel what you feel for a reason.